Hi,
I don't really know how to explain it, I just know i don't feel the same way towards food as most people do. I avoid it whenever I can because...well, honestly, I just can't stand myself when I eat normal amounts of food or simply food i consider 'bad'. It's just...I used to be a tad overweight as a child and, what a surprise, was bullied because of it. Long story short, I lost a hell lot of weight and for a long time was convinced that people would like me more if i was thin. Now i know that's not true and even if it were, i wouldn't care. All that matters is that I will like myself better if i was thin enough(what is 'enough' is the question though) And it's not even all about being thin anymore, I just can't stand myself unless i eat less. As sick as it sounds, it makes me feel good about myself and this is something i've struggled with my entire life - accepting myself for who i am. It's all so messed up in my head and I know I've failed to express myself properly.. but my question is, could I really have an eating disorder? The mere thought of it terrifies me