Hi. My new year’s resolution is “To try and improve my health by being truthful and honest with myself”. I know I need help to overcome whatever it is I’m experiencing.
My name is Don Ramsay I'm a 76 year old single pensioner whose only income is his pension and his only asset is a car and is finding life very difficult & hard to stay afloat. I could rave on for hours about the reasons why I'm in this situation but they don't really think they matter because they can't be changed.
I have a history of depression and heart disease for the first time in my life I'm admitting to using soft drugs (marijuana) to try and ease the pain but I know that’s probable making it worse. My thoughts are constantly thinking of how I can end it all and have researched that pretty well, but I don't think I would do anything stupid, I hate pain.
I've tried going to Salvo's, lifeline, my doctor (I do find it difficult to talk to the Doctor face to face), a Psychologist (All I got out of that was “Join The Men’s Shed” and get off your arse and make yourself busy), but none have really helped and I now just don’t know what to do.
I’ve lost 20 kg’s over the past 8 months, mainly because I haven’t had an appetite over that period and still don’t. I was recently seen by my Cardiologist and had an Ultra sound etc done on my heart and the results were all good everything was working well. I have also had a colonoscopy which was also clear but there were 10 polyps taken 4 of which were potentially cancerous.
I'm concerned about the way I'm feeling at the moment as I’m constantly tired, I don’t sleep very well, and generally just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I am constantly all tensed up with a knot the size of a basketball in my stomach which I just can’t get rid of and constantly experience waves of anxiety. At night watching TV when something reminds me about my life, I burst into tears and sob uncontrollably.
Some years ago, because of my financial situation, I was forced to find the cheapest accommodation I could find which ended with me renting a room from a 50 year old single male in his 4 bedroom house. Unfortunately all his friends including himself all smoke cigarettes and marijuana and I’ve had 4 years of second-hand cigarette & marijuana smoke. I just can’t find any accommodation as cheap or with the same facilities which infuriates me. Government housing is no use at all, 10 year wait if ever.
I feel like a worthless castoff whose use-by date has expired and feel duped by the then day & current governments who charged us a “Social Security Tax” and promised to look after us in our old age, only to find out otherwise in present day.
I’m sorry to rave on but I can’t explain why I feel like I do but I know I need help and I hope you can point me in the right direction
Don Ramsay