My grandad says I'm neurotic. I have had depression for years. Recently I am having 10-30 minute down periods where I feel really low and depressed. Then I'll revert to s more mild brooding without realizing I'm brooding. My family says I'm paranoid and over think things. But I know people are always laughing at me. When they laugh at me I get uncontrollably mad and have thoughts of beating them and sometimes even killing. I have developed the habit of walking app hunched over like an old man for years. I'm tying to break the habit, easier said than done. My grandad says I have low self confidence. I also recently have a tendency to shut down and just walk away in social situations. I'm having very vivid suicidal thoughts since a week ago about jumping off my 24th floor balcony. I feel so close to doing it. I'm also an rlsh (real life superhero). I'm creating an armor right now and will return to the US soon. Just thought that I'd mention my obsession with superheroes and wanting to be one. I have a really poor body image, that doesn't help with everyone always calling me skinny. Last night Lancy said "next time I won't say anything" after I got a little sensitive about her calling me short and skinny. That pissed me off. Sorry, I need to vent right now. What's wrong with me? There's my question.