Hello, I just saw Dr. Phil and he mentioned that he is offering free consultation for the month of February and I would like to take advantage of it. You may not be able to help me though. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 1988 when I was 33 and was prescribed Prozac and when that wasn t working, I also, went on Wellbutin. It didn t seem to work that well but it did help my depression. I never realized that there was something more wrong with me but I always felt different than others socially and emotionally. Although I did have some trauma growing up. Some examples, parents divorced at 10 and my mother abandoned me at 13. Then, my mother had a nervous break down in front of me in 1987 at age 34. All of this did seem to affect me but it didn t seem to affect my three siblings. My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder around her second breakdown in 1991. I had 2 marriages that ended in divorce after 2 years each. Both devastating. Again, it felt like I was emotionally abnormal, that s why I ended up in bad relationships and reacted so severely as a result of them ending. In 2003 when I was 48, I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder from a psychiatrist I went to for prescriptions. I saw psychiatrists thruout the years for medicine but no one mentioned this. I then went on Lamictal. It did help. But I still never felt normal. After losing all of my retirement due to loss of job and compulsive spending, I found myself homeless. But I was able to get a job making a third of what I did make as an executive salesperson in corporate and moved in with a couple. Due to depression as a result, I went to another psychiatrist before I moved and he prescribed abilify. This had the greatest impact on my mental health. Stopped compulsive spending, I am currently in $40K in debt. And seem to be able to have conversations with others easier than before. Now here s the problem, I still feel alone and different and ashamed. I just want to know how one should feel in my boat who has come a long way in recovery. I have been unable to find a group for people with bipolar who seem to be able to function at least at my level. I need to know what is normal. How should I feel? I have no children or mate. So this doesn t help. But I feel like a loser. I just feel so alone. Please don t recommend a group because I have tried this and most have individuals who have severe symptoms of bipolar as well as some other disorders like schizophrenia. If I knew what some of the side affects are still affecting me, maybe it would help me to accept how I feel. I have no idea if any of this makes sense to you. It is very hard to explain. I feel different and don t want to feel this way anymore. What should I continue to expect? If knew that how I feel is normal for this disorder, then maybe I can give myself a break and stop beating myself up for feeling like such a loser. Please help me. Thank you for reading, Marla