am 16 and on the onset of writing my mother autobiography. after a rather lengthy duration of suffering resoundingly in the hands of my depraved father, the requirement to write all of it down struck me incessantly. albeit, whenever I commence writing, or even holding my pen with the deliberate intention of writing, or bearing the mere thought of doing it, something eccentric happens to me; my temperature augments, my heart palpitates faster than ever as if at the brink of a cliff and about to plummet, I become bewildered, frightened and eventually I freeze, culminating to me throwing my papers away and vow never to write again. after this pathetic ordeal, I masturbate like more than 6 times. like am addicted to my masturbation. I purvey to my statement that my execrable freak out is not anyhow connected to the fact that I get all emotion when my writing specifically about my mums life, not at all. this, the temperature rising and heartbeat out of control happens to me even when am about to read my books, so as to generate more knowledge. its like I fear books and surprisingly even mere words, what could I be suffering from? please I beseech for your urgent response of aid.