i dont know if im going crazy or just paranoid but i hear a man breathing heavy and it gets louder, every other night this happens i also can go into any room with a mirror usually the living room or bathroom and usually when no one is home or when everyone is spread throughout the house i kindov wake up from a trance then realize that i have been talking about dark things in the mirror for hours on end just standing or sitting there, then i feel discus ted that i could even think that, i have little things throughout the house that i have to touch or walk on or i disrespect it ( i dont know what it is but I've never tried any different or i fear it will hurt me) im not socially awkward conversation wise and im very good at masking my emotions and letting only those acceptable to the conversation out i have a craving to kill ( i would not do it but the thoughts and cravings make me sensationally happy to think about) not my family but people that disrespect then challenge me i will not fight because i know people will know my desire to kill if i lose control, which has never happened i feel i have very strong morals and that keeps me in check, i have recently had a craving so bad that i tried to kill myself so no one wold get hurt i put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger but the safety was off before and i turned it on before i pulled it i dont want to hurt anyone i just want to be and feel normal and not feel so alone even when i'm with people i just turned 16 please help me understand whats happening