Question: Hi, I'm going to try to be thorough just to avoid a series of follow up questions. I have a blood borne illness phobia and am in the process now of finding a therapist. I worry about theoretical risk and have spent too much time researching forums online, which actually have just led me to a lot of conflicting information. This is a psychological issue but I feel like getting some thorough answers to a couple of questions might help me to calm my nerves as I pursue therapy for my phobia. This has been going on for almost 5 years. I could further explain what I believe to be the root of this phobia but I'll save that for my therapist. For now, please take a moment to answer a couple of questions. Please be reassuring in your response and I will try to avoid follow up questions.

Waiting up to 6 months after any possible exposure to an STD and taking a full panel test doesn't provide me with relief. The reason being is that my mind latches on to theoretical risk and I even question "Am I going to be the first person to contract HIV from a non sexual act?" I'll have an abrasion on my hand and then be terribly worried if I shake hands with someone because what if they have some microscopic trace of blood on their hands.

The most recent event was just a couple of days ago. I've been tested recently and should feel confident about my HIV status. But, I currently have these splits in my skin. Some of it is from dry skin cracking. On my finger tips its from playing guitar. These are like paper cuts. No bleeding, but I feel the steel guitar string cut into my skin, it stings like a paper cut, but no bleeding. I do see red just inside the cut, but it was never bleeding. I'm guessing the cut was not going deep enough to provide access to my bloodstream. I often have these types of cuts and abrasions on my hands so if I am not understanding if these types of cuts provide access to my bloodstream I'm always going to have this fear of people touching me.

So, I sell guitars. A customer was playing one of my guitars the other day and then handed it to me. I started playing and one of the steel strings cuts into my finger. No blood visible at all, just a sting and it looks red inside. So then my overactive imagination and fear for the worse starts to think "what if this customer has the same kind of cuts on his fingers from playing?" In my mind I see this person transferring microscopic traces of blood to a guitar string. Seconds later I'm playing the same guitar and the same string cuts into my finger.

With this kind of fear there is not enough testing in the world to keep me from thinking "Oh, that person just touched a cut on my hand" or "This string just cut into my finger right after that guy was playing it. What if it cut into his sking too?".

Please address the specific event I explained about the guitar string cutting into my finger just after possibly cutting into another person's finger. There was no visible blood on the guitar. I'm truly obsessing over microscopic traces.

I think if I knew with absolute certainty that HIV doesn't survive outside of the body long enough for this to even be possible I can subside my fears. Can you tell me with absolute certainty that for this to have been an actual risk my customer would have to have been bleeding profusely and so would I?

I'm pursuing therapy for my phobia regardless but I think I could function better day to day without this fear if I knew with 100% confidence that:

I am not at risk of contracting a blood borne illness if I am not having unprotected sex with someone of unknown HIV (and other STI) status. I am not a drug user sharing needles. I have not suffered any cuts that would provide access to my bloodstream that were then exposed to another person's actively bleeding cuts. My confusion here is are these splits in my skin that aren't gushing blood access points for a virus. What about abrasions? Maybe the answer I'm looking for is that for there to be a risk there would be a lot of visible blood. These events I'm asking about have not involved the site of blood. I'm literally concerned about microscopic traces.

I would greatly appreciate a thorough response that would educate me and help me to understand what experiences I may have that would be an actual risk. I'm in this terrible position of being afraid to make a lot of human contact or handle things other people have just handled because of cracks and cuts in my skin....but I run a retail shop selling guitars.

Some of the responses I've received to questions like this are "that's just a theoretical risk, don't worry". I'm looking for a little more response than that because I am a person who will continue to worry about "theoretical risk" get tested and then get worried again as soon as someone touches a cut on my hand. This is a viscous cycle that has gone on for four years. I would greatly appreciate a response that could help me transition into letting go of this fear of theoretical risk and moving on with my life.

Thank you for your time and patience addressing what is most likely a line of irrational questioning. That's what phobias are though....irrational.