Brief Answer:
this is a big psychosocial problem

Detailed Answer:
Hello,

Thanks for posting on XXXXXXX


I will be XXXXXXX and straight forward to you. I am afraid there is nothing much you can do from your part. It is obvious that you are very concerned about your son's family (and your family in general). You seem to be the type with a big heart that will see that all his children and grand children are all doing great, but they are certain things that can not be controlled, at least not by you.
The main issue is your relationship with your daughter-in-law. Since it is not moving between both of you, it would not obviously flow well with your grand children. If you have a social relationship with them, then that is something good. Just try avoid to parent them all the time and be just their friend.
You know you are elderly now and can not handle some stress as you use to do with your own kids. You just have to allow your daughter in law take care of her children the way she feels as your concern might drive you more depressed.
It will be difficult for you to detach completely from them but you will need to try if you do not want to end the rest of your life thrown up in a geriatric center.
People like your grand daughter exist and you just have to learn to deal with them.
If your depression is serious, then you will need to be placed on medications. Believe me, then will relieve you greatly and make you feel better.
Try talking this issue too to your son and see if he can get to his wife. The wife might also need to see a counselor for some serious guidance regarding her children.

Hope this helps and let me know if you have any further questions.
Dr. Nsah

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