Sign-in to Ask A Doctor - 24x7
OR
Sign in with Google
Having A Casual Relationship. Will This Affect Future Life?
Question: Respected doctor, There are few things causing extreme distress: 1)I m 27yr aged unmarried professional working in a healthcare company,Blore. I am in a casual relationship with a girl working in my company.I told her i cannot marry her or commit to her. But she accepted the facts and is in relationship with me.We both ve our own goals in our carrier life and neither of us wants to get committed.We went to movies ,restaurants hugged and kissed each other.Once we tried to get physical(with each others consent),but nothing happened.We just hugged and climaxed.Nothin serious happened.This incident happened 4 months ago.Durin this casual relationship few times talks about marriage came,i told we could get married by default,but later told it was not possible. She knew these facts and continued to be in this relationship.Now i m feelin uncomfortable as she might use this to threaten me in future. 2)I was in casual relationship before also, but never went around with girls.I just used to talk intimately(phone s^x) over phone again with no objection from the other end of speaker.Is this wrong? Can the person at the other end use it against me? I spoke like this with a 17 yr old girl also,about2 yrs back. 3)Does having a casual relationship with each others approval be morally and legally susceptible? Having said all these there might be a impression that i lack moral values, but girls also provoke many times to take a step further and lest the responsibilty on men.I ve not forced anything on anyone.I am just concentrating on carrier and goals. I m feeling very anxious about all these.
Brief Answer:
Legal problems appear unlikely.
Detailed Answer:
Hi XXXXXXX
Welcome to Healthcare Magic!
I understand that you are worried if some kind of action may be taken against you by the girl. Since whatever has happened between you was consensual and you both are adults, it is unlikely that you can be in legal trouble over it. However, if she decides to act against you, then it is possible for her to allege that things were not consensual or that she was cheated having been promised marriage. In such a scenario, you may find it difficult to prove that she was aware that marriage was not on the cards. Even if there is no legal trouble, you may find that this affects your career since you both work in the same company and any allegations may spoil your image at your workplace. If you are XXXXXXX to her, then she may allege sexual harassment in which case you may even lose your job.
In order to prevent any such untoward incidents, the best thing would be to discuss with her what she feels about this relationship. Ask her what she wants from this relationship and why is she with you when she knows that marriage is not on the cards. Maybe you will find that she feels just like you do and is not interested in a long term relationship. You will then know that all your fears are unfounded. If, however, you find that she expects more from you than you are prepared to give, then perhaps it will be better for you to reevaluate your views about the relationship. One word of caution, it is always better to avoid office romances because they may adversely affect your career, impair your decision making and judgment at the work place and also bring a bad name.
Regarding your previous relationship with a 17 year old girl, that could have posed legal problems for you as she was a minor. However, since that was two years back and no complaint was made, you do not need to worry about it now.
I will not comment on the morality of the relationship as moral values are highly subjective. What may be wrong for one may be right for some one else.
Hope this answers your query.
Best wishes.
Dr Preeti Parakh
MD Psychiatry
Legal problems appear unlikely.
Detailed Answer:
Hi XXXXXXX
Welcome to Healthcare Magic!
I understand that you are worried if some kind of action may be taken against you by the girl. Since whatever has happened between you was consensual and you both are adults, it is unlikely that you can be in legal trouble over it. However, if she decides to act against you, then it is possible for her to allege that things were not consensual or that she was cheated having been promised marriage. In such a scenario, you may find it difficult to prove that she was aware that marriage was not on the cards. Even if there is no legal trouble, you may find that this affects your career since you both work in the same company and any allegations may spoil your image at your workplace. If you are XXXXXXX to her, then she may allege sexual harassment in which case you may even lose your job.
In order to prevent any such untoward incidents, the best thing would be to discuss with her what she feels about this relationship. Ask her what she wants from this relationship and why is she with you when she knows that marriage is not on the cards. Maybe you will find that she feels just like you do and is not interested in a long term relationship. You will then know that all your fears are unfounded. If, however, you find that she expects more from you than you are prepared to give, then perhaps it will be better for you to reevaluate your views about the relationship. One word of caution, it is always better to avoid office romances because they may adversely affect your career, impair your decision making and judgment at the work place and also bring a bad name.
Regarding your previous relationship with a 17 year old girl, that could have posed legal problems for you as she was a minor. However, since that was two years back and no complaint was made, you do not need to worry about it now.
I will not comment on the morality of the relationship as moral values are highly subjective. What may be wrong for one may be right for some one else.
Hope this answers your query.
Best wishes.
Dr Preeti Parakh
MD Psychiatry
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Respected Doctor,
I thank u for addressing my concerns over the issue. I ve spoken with that 17yr aged girl without knowing her age.She actually stayed in home to take care of my grandmother over a month.I ve spoken only once with Intimacy with her.Later i stopped talking like this even though she persisted.So will this be an issue considering it happened 2yrs ago?Why ami feeling so anxious about this issue?Is there a requirement for me to be on Medicines?
Thanking you
Truly
Shravan
I thank u for addressing my concerns over the issue. I ve spoken with that 17yr aged girl without knowing her age.She actually stayed in home to take care of my grandmother over a month.I ve spoken only once with Intimacy with her.Later i stopped talking like this even though she persisted.So will this be an issue considering it happened 2yrs ago?Why ami feeling so anxious about this issue?Is there a requirement for me to be on Medicines?
Thanking you
Truly
Shravan
Brief Answer:
Medicine is indicated if there is mental illness.
Detailed Answer:
Hi XXXXXXX
Welcome back!
I do not feel that you are likely to be involved in any trouble over what happened two years back.
I am unable to comprehend what is making you so anxious about your relationship and the previous affair. Has any specific event made you feel threatened? Has your current girlfriend threatened you? If there is no event responsible for causing you worry, then I feel we must consider if some other factor may be to blame. Sometimes people with depressive or anxiety disorder often unduly worry or feel negatively about things. However, if you had been suffering from depression or anxiety, you would also have had other symptoms. For example, if you had been suffering from depressive disorder, you would also be having low mood, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, fatigue, sleep disturbance, poor concentration, poor appetite, hopelessness, guilt etc. If you are having some of these symptoms, not just occasionally but almost whole day long for more than two weeks, then you may be suffering from depressive disorder. Similarly, if you have been excessively worrying about things, having palpitations, sweating, breathlessness etc, you may be suffering from some kind of an anxiety disorder. For both these disorders, medications are indicated and will give you good relief. A consultation with a psychiatrist will enable a detailed assessment, proper diagnosis and treatment.
If, however, there is no mental illness, then there is no need for medications. What is needed is to introspect what is making you anxious and take care of the issue.
Hope this clears things for you.
Best wishes.
Dr Preeti Parakh
MD Psychiatry
Medicine is indicated if there is mental illness.
Detailed Answer:
Hi XXXXXXX
Welcome back!
I do not feel that you are likely to be involved in any trouble over what happened two years back.
I am unable to comprehend what is making you so anxious about your relationship and the previous affair. Has any specific event made you feel threatened? Has your current girlfriend threatened you? If there is no event responsible for causing you worry, then I feel we must consider if some other factor may be to blame. Sometimes people with depressive or anxiety disorder often unduly worry or feel negatively about things. However, if you had been suffering from depression or anxiety, you would also have had other symptoms. For example, if you had been suffering from depressive disorder, you would also be having low mood, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, fatigue, sleep disturbance, poor concentration, poor appetite, hopelessness, guilt etc. If you are having some of these symptoms, not just occasionally but almost whole day long for more than two weeks, then you may be suffering from depressive disorder. Similarly, if you have been excessively worrying about things, having palpitations, sweating, breathlessness etc, you may be suffering from some kind of an anxiety disorder. For both these disorders, medications are indicated and will give you good relief. A consultation with a psychiatrist will enable a detailed assessment, proper diagnosis and treatment.
If, however, there is no mental illness, then there is no need for medications. What is needed is to introspect what is making you anxious and take care of the issue.
Hope this clears things for you.
Best wishes.
Dr Preeti Parakh
MD Psychiatry
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
Get personalised answers from verified doctor in minutes across 80+ specialties
