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Hello, Since My First Time Having Sex, I%E2%80%99ve Always Had
Question: Hello,
Since my first time having sex, I%E2%80%99ve always had a problem when it comes to an intercourse with new people. Everytime I%E2%80%99ve had a new partner (which is 5 in total now) I can%E2%80%99t seem to maintain my erection properly. It has always taken at least few weeks to overcome the %E2%80%9Dperformance panic%E2%80%9D and get things working and once I get things working, there%E2%80%99s no problems at all. Also there%E2%80%99s no problem in oral sex, only when it comes to an actual intercourse. Last few times I tried having sex didn%E2%80%99t work at all (both were new people) and that%E2%80%99s about 3 years ago. I%E2%80%99m afraid to even try having sex now and have been for quite some time, but I would really want to. What can I do to overcome these issues?
I%E2%80%99m very healthy and fit 27 year old male with pretty good self-esteem and not looking half bad either. I want to emphasize that all the problems I%E2%80%99m facing are most likely only inside my head and not related to erectile dysfuntion of any kind as I can always maintain my erection perfectly well when masturbating and before trying vaginal sex. Thanks in advance!
Since my first time having sex, I%E2%80%99ve always had a problem when it comes to an intercourse with new people. Everytime I%E2%80%99ve had a new partner (which is 5 in total now) I can%E2%80%99t seem to maintain my erection properly. It has always taken at least few weeks to overcome the %E2%80%9Dperformance panic%E2%80%9D and get things working and once I get things working, there%E2%80%99s no problems at all. Also there%E2%80%99s no problem in oral sex, only when it comes to an actual intercourse. Last few times I tried having sex didn%E2%80%99t work at all (both were new people) and that%E2%80%99s about 3 years ago. I%E2%80%99m afraid to even try having sex now and have been for quite some time, but I would really want to. What can I do to overcome these issues?
I%E2%80%99m very healthy and fit 27 year old male with pretty good self-esteem and not looking half bad either. I want to emphasize that all the problems I%E2%80%99m facing are most likely only inside my head and not related to erectile dysfuntion of any kind as I can always maintain my erection perfectly well when masturbating and before trying vaginal sex. Thanks in advance!
Brief Answer:
Consultation
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using Healthcareamgic.
I read your query and understand your concerns.
First of all I like to assure you that there is nothing to worry as all forms of erectile dysfunctions are treatable on this day. As per your assumption and available details the problem is psychological rather than organic one.
Now regarding problem I like to inform you that psychological ED or performance anxiety can be handled with use of right psycho therapeutic approach. In my own experience around 70% of individuals report dramatic improvement in erections once the psychotherapy is started leading to decrease in performance anxiety.
Below here I am delineating few of the strategies which will help you in the problem.
Firstly get rid of thoughts that you may be sexually inadequate or your doubts that you may not be able to perform properly. This is because performance anxiety, feelings of sexual indequacy, self-doubts, guilt, past negative sexual experiences, poor communication / understanding with the partner, etc. can all affect sexual functioning and performance. Removing such ideas will eliminate the majority of causes for your poor sexual performance. Removing the person's doubts and fears, and improving his self-confidence levels will definitely help in improving sexual performance.
Remember that sex is not just a physical act but also a psychological process involving an expression of emotions, intimacy and love. So, just involve yourself in those feelings and stop focusing on your "performance" alone. Once you do that, then I assure you that your sexual performance will automatically improve.
Most importantly, performance anxiety soon becomes a "vicious cycle" That is, anxiety leads to poor performance and poor performance then leads to further anxiety and this keeps on increasing.
One more problem responsible for performance anxiety is inadequate sexual arousal. When the person is not properly aroused, the blood flow to the penis is not maximal, and so, after a few strokes, the erection weakens and ejaculation occurs. The way to tackle this is not to rush into intercourse quickly, but wait till you get fully aroused. So, increase and spice-up your foreplay. Make sure that you initiate penetration only after both of you are fully turned on. Good foreplay not only arouses you but also sparks off the mood in your partner. So, when she is also aroused and involved, then things keep flowing smoothly and effortlessly, and you don't have to be constantly anxious if you are satisfying your partner or not.
Distract yourself stop "monitoring" your sexual performance. Try putting on some romantic music or mild lighting while you make love. Think about the things that turn you on. Taking your mind off of your sexual performance can remove the worries that are stopping you from getting fully aroused.
Wish you all the best in your sexual health.
I hope this helps you.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link:
http://doctor.healthcaremagic.com/doctors/dr-ashok-kumar/67386
Thanks and regards.
Consultation
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using Healthcareamgic.
I read your query and understand your concerns.
First of all I like to assure you that there is nothing to worry as all forms of erectile dysfunctions are treatable on this day. As per your assumption and available details the problem is psychological rather than organic one.
Now regarding problem I like to inform you that psychological ED or performance anxiety can be handled with use of right psycho therapeutic approach. In my own experience around 70% of individuals report dramatic improvement in erections once the psychotherapy is started leading to decrease in performance anxiety.
Below here I am delineating few of the strategies which will help you in the problem.
Firstly get rid of thoughts that you may be sexually inadequate or your doubts that you may not be able to perform properly. This is because performance anxiety, feelings of sexual indequacy, self-doubts, guilt, past negative sexual experiences, poor communication / understanding with the partner, etc. can all affect sexual functioning and performance. Removing such ideas will eliminate the majority of causes for your poor sexual performance. Removing the person's doubts and fears, and improving his self-confidence levels will definitely help in improving sexual performance.
Remember that sex is not just a physical act but also a psychological process involving an expression of emotions, intimacy and love. So, just involve yourself in those feelings and stop focusing on your "performance" alone. Once you do that, then I assure you that your sexual performance will automatically improve.
Most importantly, performance anxiety soon becomes a "vicious cycle" That is, anxiety leads to poor performance and poor performance then leads to further anxiety and this keeps on increasing.
One more problem responsible for performance anxiety is inadequate sexual arousal. When the person is not properly aroused, the blood flow to the penis is not maximal, and so, after a few strokes, the erection weakens and ejaculation occurs. The way to tackle this is not to rush into intercourse quickly, but wait till you get fully aroused. So, increase and spice-up your foreplay. Make sure that you initiate penetration only after both of you are fully turned on. Good foreplay not only arouses you but also sparks off the mood in your partner. So, when she is also aroused and involved, then things keep flowing smoothly and effortlessly, and you don't have to be constantly anxious if you are satisfying your partner or not.
Distract yourself stop "monitoring" your sexual performance. Try putting on some romantic music or mild lighting while you make love. Think about the things that turn you on. Taking your mind off of your sexual performance can remove the worries that are stopping you from getting fully aroused.
Wish you all the best in your sexual health.
I hope this helps you.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link:
http://doctor.healthcaremagic.com/doctors/dr-ashok-kumar/67386
Thanks and regards.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Vaishalee Punj
Answered by
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