Hello Sir. Wanted To Know Psychology Based On Following Information.

Posted on Fri, 11 Sep 2020

Question: Hello Sir. Wanted to know psychology based on following information. A girl was in a relationship for about 8 years from childhood. She broke up because of his possessiveness and domination in everything what she did. She was loyal. After about 1 year, she joined a job where in 1-1.5 months of knowing a guy she proposed her and they were in a relationship for 3.5 years. Now she is with me for about 5 months and this time I had proposed her. Actually, on the day of her saying yes to me, she shared a story of a mutual friend who possessed stud like qualities or say he was good at treating girls. She shared that she had gone with him and had beer in a bar. She wanted to use her and wanted to take her home that day. She refused. That time she didn't tell the whole story which I got to know with proof in that guy's XXXXXXX day before yesterday. This beer thing happened when she was in mental stress and she had done loyalty test with her bf in which he failed. They were having frequent quarrels, breakups everyday. One day it became serious and they broke up. After a week of breaking up, she went for that guy initiating to do friendship. Being a friend she used to message him what are you wearing, inlike your voice and all....she wanted to marry that guy. How can that love of 2 years be lost in just a week and start liking other one. She was drunk that day. They had sex chatting. She messaged him 'I want to get fucked by you' for which he replied that you are in a relationship. I confessed her. She said yes. But I don't remember as it was 1.5 years back. She replied like we broke up, will manage...etc. she told she was boozing when she wrote this message. But when I saw guy's XXXXXXX dates were different. After few days, she felt bad and avoided him as per her. These went for about a month. After about a week her bf called her with whom she was and patched up. His bf was unknown or ignoring this stuff. She didn't tell the whole story which I got to know day before yesterday. Sir, I want to know the psychology behind it. She was and is so loyal then why she had done this? My past ditched me for better. I am having trust issues. I am nkt even staying in same state for now. Sir, was she right? Since it has been more than a year of that incident, shall I have to let go of that thing or traits becomes same? I have become very insecure. She loves me but why didnt she told it before starting relationship.

Answered by Dr. Dr. Ashok Kumar Choudhary (11 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Consultation

Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.

I read your query and understand your concerns.

From the available description it appears that she was loyal to her relationship and wanted same loyalty from her partner. However due to trauma suffered in the past she indulged in something which was not of her character. It is common to behave differently when someone is under stress and same seems relevant for the girl in question.

The points in favour of her loyalty include long duration of relationship in past, decision to offer loyalty test to her partner, Leaving the partner on failing the test.

I understand your concern about the point that she failed to inform you adequately well in advance but it does not mean there is compromise on loyalty. It is well understood that before sharing personal details all of us need to have some secure base and trust with other person.

Having said this I must acknowledge that there can be more and in person consultation can be more helpful.

I hope this helps you.
Feel free to write back to me if you have more questions.
Thanks again.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Dr. Ashok Kumar Choudhary (1 hour later)

Thank you sir. I forgot to mention one thing that within less than a week of her one month of above friendship zone, when she felt was wrong and when her bf apologised her, she patched up with him.

Sir, my question is whether or not she was wrong, should I be worried about or not, giving priority to friends over bf, etc. Want to know the psychology of that time with the relevance of it today after about 1.5 years.

Answered by Dr. Dr. Ashok Kumar Choudhary (28 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Follow up

Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for follow up.

From the available description it appears that there is little to worry about the trust issues. As communicated earlier continuation of relationship for eight years almost rules out possibility of infidelity/trust issues. In addition establishment of patch up after getting appropriate apology indicates that she has more concern with trust and respect than any other average girl in society.

I hope this clarifies further.
Thanks again.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Dr. Ashok Kumar Choudhary (24 hours later)

Sir, I was a patient of SAD/Depression for which I was prescribed. It took 8 long years to leave that medication by slowly tapering it with professional guidance. I was ok while being on medication and even after that. Recently, I got to know about my partner which is mentioned above. Even before knowing this, I was overthinking. Is there any link as a post-withdrawal symptoms? Is it creating problems in relationship?

Answered by Dr. Dr. Ashok Kumar Choudhary (2 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Overthink can definitely affect the relationship

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for reverting back to me.

There is no doubt that undue concern is cause of problem rather than solution. It has been commonly observed that persons with tendency to overthink have more problems in their emotional world in compare to people with less tendency to overthink.

It is good idea to manage stress and avoid overthinking as far as possible. In case stress management fails to help completely you can think of psychotherapy in form of cognitive behavior therapy.

There is nothing called as post withdrawal symptoms after years/months of medication discontinuation. This is applicable only for the first month after medicine is stopped.

I hope this helps you further.
Thanks and regards.

Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Yogesh D