Sign-in to Ask A Doctor - 24x7
OR
Sign in with Google
Hi , I Am 34 Year Female 20days After Second Delivery Since My Delivery I Am Suffering From Depression
Question: Hi , I am 34 year female .i am always an extra emotional person .I love to live life always and enjoy life full .
I have a daughter of 4 years and just 20 days before I have birth to my second daughter . Since my delivery I am suffering from depression, I am crying all the time . I asked my gynaecologist also , she said it is postpartum depression. At the time of both of my first daughter , I had these sadness also but I cane out of it within 10 days but this time I have a reason also behind this . As I already had a daughter I was hoping and strongly believing that the second child should be a boy . This doesn’t mean that I dint like girl child . I love my first daughter more that anything in this world , and even I was happy with single child . It was my husband wish tinhave anither child . I never wanted to have second child . But after some time I also made up my mind thinking that second would be a boy and my family would be complete . But now since my delivery I feel so depressed that I have done something wrong and I shouldn’t have done this . I feel that I am not able to Handle this baby . All four years of my elder one is coming into my eyes and I am getting scared to do all that thing with this baby . All my excitement and motivation get lost with this girl . I feel so lonely and sad all the time . I am
Not able to accept that I am now mother of two and that also girl again . My regrets are killing me every moment . Pls help me come out if this situation . I am not feeling any attachment to this new baby as I feel for my elder daughter . I cry and cry all the time . I always wake up from my sleep and starts feeling scared and suffocating. It feels that some vaccine has created now which will never be fulfilled . When I see our old picture where me , my husband and my daughter were happy together then also I started crying , it feels me that that status have gone , I can’t inagine this new girl in my family picture .suddely everything has lost its meaning to me . All seems useless tj me . Pls help me out .
I have a daughter of 4 years and just 20 days before I have birth to my second daughter . Since my delivery I am suffering from depression, I am crying all the time . I asked my gynaecologist also , she said it is postpartum depression. At the time of both of my first daughter , I had these sadness also but I cane out of it within 10 days but this time I have a reason also behind this . As I already had a daughter I was hoping and strongly believing that the second child should be a boy . This doesn’t mean that I dint like girl child . I love my first daughter more that anything in this world , and even I was happy with single child . It was my husband wish tinhave anither child . I never wanted to have second child . But after some time I also made up my mind thinking that second would be a boy and my family would be complete . But now since my delivery I feel so depressed that I have done something wrong and I shouldn’t have done this . I feel that I am not able to Handle this baby . All four years of my elder one is coming into my eyes and I am getting scared to do all that thing with this baby . All my excitement and motivation get lost with this girl . I feel so lonely and sad all the time . I am
Not able to accept that I am now mother of two and that also girl again . My regrets are killing me every moment . Pls help me come out if this situation . I am not feeling any attachment to this new baby as I feel for my elder daughter . I cry and cry all the time . I always wake up from my sleep and starts feeling scared and suffocating. It feels that some vaccine has created now which will never be fulfilled . When I see our old picture where me , my husband and my daughter were happy together then also I started crying , it feels me that that status have gone , I can’t inagine this new girl in my family picture .suddely everything has lost its meaning to me . All seems useless tj me . Pls help me out .
Brief Answer:
This depression can be treated.
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
I can understand your concern. I would like to reassure you that due to depression you have developed guilt and the symptoms you are having. You are not at fault in any sense. You are extra sensitive person and this is one of risks of developing depression.
Poor attachment with baby, poor care, low mood, guilt feelings, bad thoughts, crying spells, scary feelings etc are part of postpartum depression. This is resulting in persisting symptoms. Hormonal changes during pregnancy, psychological factors, history of depression or mood disorder etc are risk factors for these symptoms.
Fortunately this can be treated with medicines and cognitive therapy. You have to accept that you love your baby, just because of depression you are not acknowledging this fact. Even if that baby is a girl even then that is not an issue for you because you were very happy with your first girl baby. Just because of anticipation that how will you care for this baby in coming years you are getting stressed. These all thoughts are cause of depression.
Drugs like Sertraline can be tried. The drug is a SSRI drug and is safest drug even in pregnancy or lactation. This will help to control depression symptoms and anxiety. Low dose antipsychotics like Risperidone or Olanzapine should also be used. This will help in quick recovery and help in remission. You should talk with a psychiatrist for help.
Thanks and Take care
Please don't hesitate to ask again for more doubts.
Thanks.
This depression can be treated.
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
I can understand your concern. I would like to reassure you that due to depression you have developed guilt and the symptoms you are having. You are not at fault in any sense. You are extra sensitive person and this is one of risks of developing depression.
Poor attachment with baby, poor care, low mood, guilt feelings, bad thoughts, crying spells, scary feelings etc are part of postpartum depression. This is resulting in persisting symptoms. Hormonal changes during pregnancy, psychological factors, history of depression or mood disorder etc are risk factors for these symptoms.
Fortunately this can be treated with medicines and cognitive therapy. You have to accept that you love your baby, just because of depression you are not acknowledging this fact. Even if that baby is a girl even then that is not an issue for you because you were very happy with your first girl baby. Just because of anticipation that how will you care for this baby in coming years you are getting stressed. These all thoughts are cause of depression.
Drugs like Sertraline can be tried. The drug is a SSRI drug and is safest drug even in pregnancy or lactation. This will help to control depression symptoms and anxiety. Low dose antipsychotics like Risperidone or Olanzapine should also be used. This will help in quick recovery and help in remission. You should talk with a psychiatrist for help.
Thanks and Take care
Please don't hesitate to ask again for more doubts.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Thanks for the answer . Is there anyway that I can talk to you directly .Even it is a postpartum depression but I don’t think that it is only because if that . I have a big reason behind it . I seriously wanted a boy baby so that my picture of complete famiky with one girl and one boy would be complete . If no boy than I was happy with single child only. In whole my pregnancy I was excited and motivated and bought things for boy baby , I imagined everything regarding boy baby.Somehow it was fixed in my mind that it should be a boy baby . But now all that excitement have gone . I my whole family everybody havhng one girl and one boy . And they all motivated me to go for second child when I was not ready for it .Even now I started thinking that being girls they both will go after marriage and leave me alone . My biggest concern is that this will be like this for me for whole life , even if I come out of this depression somehow in few days but this emptiness will be there forever . Whenever I see anyone’s havhng one girl and one boy , I will feel bad about it for whole life time . Also caring this baby as I did for my first child is making me scared all the time . I really not feeling connected even if I am trying to love her but not getting that love from inside . I feel for my elder daughter also that I did some wrong with her also , till now she was my only XXXXXXX and suddely I made her elder one and I will miss these years of her life when she stated telling me so many things and playing differently. Doctor all I want at this time to get back to my previous status where We three were happy and without any big tension . Now with this baby those happy moments are past and just added extra burden and liability and tension firbwhile lifetime.
The drigs uiubhave prescribed , pls tell that how to take those as in my concoction it is very tough to go out and meet a phyciatrist personally. Nobody will Allow me and neither they will understand the need . Pls tell me that how can I talk to personally. I am I a very bad mental state , cannt sleep , eat or do any inter work normally . Pls help me , please .
The drigs uiubhave prescribed , pls tell that how to take those as in my concoction it is very tough to go out and meet a phyciatrist personally. Nobody will Allow me and neither they will understand the need . Pls tell me that how can I talk to personally. I am I a very bad mental state , cannt sleep , eat or do any inter work normally . Pls help me , please .
Brief Answer:
This issue will go in some days.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
I can understand your state of mind. As mentioned first of all you have to convince yourself that your family is complete even on arrival of that baby girl too. Your elder girl got a sister to play, she has now a companion for life to whom she will always confide. You wanted a male child but if this is a girl then that is not her fault. You have to give proper love, attention to her too. Your family is now complete because you have two babies now, it doesn't mater if that is girls or boys. Girls always take care of their parents even after their marriage, you know this better than me I think.
Don't you care for your parents? In present times even most of boys leave their house for job or after marriage.
You did no wrong with your daughter too. This is not your fault. Stop blaming yourself for this. This adjustment issue and depression will go in some days. You just have to reassure yourself again and again.
What is the stand of your husband on this matter?
The medicines I have suggested are prescription medicines and its not possible to get these without written prescription. If you can't visit a psychiatrist then you can visit a doctor for this.
You can talk with customer care HealthcareMagic.com and they will arrange a call for me.
Thanks.
This issue will go in some days.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
I can understand your state of mind. As mentioned first of all you have to convince yourself that your family is complete even on arrival of that baby girl too. Your elder girl got a sister to play, she has now a companion for life to whom she will always confide. You wanted a male child but if this is a girl then that is not her fault. You have to give proper love, attention to her too. Your family is now complete because you have two babies now, it doesn't mater if that is girls or boys. Girls always take care of their parents even after their marriage, you know this better than me I think.
Don't you care for your parents? In present times even most of boys leave their house for job or after marriage.
You did no wrong with your daughter too. This is not your fault. Stop blaming yourself for this. This adjustment issue and depression will go in some days. You just have to reassure yourself again and again.
What is the stand of your husband on this matter?
The medicines I have suggested are prescription medicines and its not possible to get these without written prescription. If you can't visit a psychiatrist then you can visit a doctor for this.
You can talk with customer care HealthcareMagic.com and they will arrange a call for me.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Thanks for understanding my issues but I am still not able to think and get a connection with this baby . Before this baby , I never ever missed a boy in my family , in fact I was more than happy with single girl child . But now I am missing a boy in the family , my thinking has changed completely... I was so much intrested to buy clothes and accessories for my daughter , now idea of purchasing two set of girls itmes , not giving me pleasure infact I see burden and non motivation there . The way I prepare my daughter for her school programs , I can’t imagine that I will do it for another girl with same excitement. All is getting messed up for me .
My husband has no problem with girl child but he is not understanding my situations and mental conditions . He is getting irritated with me . Also these days I am afraid to be alone at home . I want somebody with me all the time otherwise I started feeling scared and suffocating . I was never like this before , it fact it was me who used to create lively environment at home becaus my husband is very silent and never initiate anything .But now suddenly everything have changed for me , all items , materials and everything lost its meaning . I am afraid that I can never love this baby . And she will be a burden for me always in back of my mind . I don’t want to become bad mother . And before that I can’t grow her at the level of my elder daughter is . And because of all this I will lost my elder ones these growing years , now she is more stable , her routine has fixed and it was time came now to enjoy with her in outings but again I will have to do all those years with another girl .Everything has messed up .This feeling is worst when I wake up from my sleep , that time I feel that is it some bad dream and I go and check the baby is it really there or was just my bad dream .
I speak to my parents in phone and started feeling crying, though I never let them feel that I am crying . Yes I do care for my parents but I can’t do anything for them even if they need , my mother was not well few months before , she was even critical but I couldn’t go there , though I wanted to to go and be with her but I couldn’t leave here my family responsibilities as they are dependent on me .No matter how progressive we are or how Morden we are but this fact is not going to change in XXXXXXX that After marriage of a girl her family is different and her priority will be her new family always . And so I get worried that they both will leave me and being an sensitive person this also give me immense pain. Is there any way to come out if such thoughts ?? Pls tell me some methods or techniques so that I can feel normal .How this boy fobia will go out if my mind ? I am afraid that I won’t feel normal again and be happy from inside again in my life . There would be some emptiness in my heart for life time now . I don’t want to become a bad mother even in my bad dreams . Pls save me If there is any way to give your direct number pls provide me , I am ready tj bear any extra charges , I just want to come out of this mental state . Thanks !!
My husband has no problem with girl child but he is not understanding my situations and mental conditions . He is getting irritated with me . Also these days I am afraid to be alone at home . I want somebody with me all the time otherwise I started feeling scared and suffocating . I was never like this before , it fact it was me who used to create lively environment at home becaus my husband is very silent and never initiate anything .But now suddenly everything have changed for me , all items , materials and everything lost its meaning . I am afraid that I can never love this baby . And she will be a burden for me always in back of my mind . I don’t want to become bad mother . And before that I can’t grow her at the level of my elder daughter is . And because of all this I will lost my elder ones these growing years , now she is more stable , her routine has fixed and it was time came now to enjoy with her in outings but again I will have to do all those years with another girl .Everything has messed up .This feeling is worst when I wake up from my sleep , that time I feel that is it some bad dream and I go and check the baby is it really there or was just my bad dream .
I speak to my parents in phone and started feeling crying, though I never let them feel that I am crying . Yes I do care for my parents but I can’t do anything for them even if they need , my mother was not well few months before , she was even critical but I couldn’t go there , though I wanted to to go and be with her but I couldn’t leave here my family responsibilities as they are dependent on me .No matter how progressive we are or how Morden we are but this fact is not going to change in XXXXXXX that After marriage of a girl her family is different and her priority will be her new family always . And so I get worried that they both will leave me and being an sensitive person this also give me immense pain. Is there any way to come out if such thoughts ?? Pls tell me some methods or techniques so that I can feel normal .How this boy fobia will go out if my mind ? I am afraid that I won’t feel normal again and be happy from inside again in my life . There would be some emptiness in my heart for life time now . I don’t want to become a bad mother even in my bad dreams . Pls save me If there is any way to give your direct number pls provide me , I am ready tj bear any extra charges , I just want to come out of this mental state . Thanks !!
Brief Answer:
The depression will go in some days.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
First thing that is good in your situation is that you are accepting that you have problem and mental issue. You are in depression but you don't have postpartum psychosis. A lot of patients we see have postpartum psychosis and they even have ideas of harming the baby and harming self. So you have this positive thing and this will also help in quick recovery.
You have insight that there is problem in your mind and you want to get rid of this problem. The symptoms are depression only and you are also rationalising the things :). You want to care your parents but due to the responsibilities of your husband's family you couldn't care your parents. But this is an isolated situation. A lot of elderly which we see daily with depression and mid life crisis have complaints that their sons are not caring them. They fight with them. How many of your friends or males in your circle stay with their parents after marriage? You will find only rare examples where they stay and both parents and the couple are happy.
Your girls will grow after two decades. The time and mentality will change in coming years. Even if we assume they will leave your home after 25 years, but you have 25 years to enjoy at least :). You have to reassure yourself again and again. Right now you are seeing negative things only and are not seeing positive things. Disqualifying positive and maximising the negatives are two common cognitive distortions which result in depression. Don't generalise the things. Things might be bad in present time but in some days you will be out of depression and will function normally.
Just try to keep yourself busy. Spend more time in doing constructive activities like you used to do. Develop some new interest and your mind will be distracted. Read a good book which will calm your mind. Keeping yourself busy will help in getting rid of these thoughts.
Also don't get depressed and think that these thoughts will remain for life. You will be alright in some time and will forget the things. You are not a bad mother, you just have fear that you might not become bad mother. These two things are different. This doesn't make you bad.
Due to website rules I am not able to provide the phone number. I am extremely sorry for that. But you can talk with the customer care and they will arrange for a call at a convenient time.
Thanks.
The depression will go in some days.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
First thing that is good in your situation is that you are accepting that you have problem and mental issue. You are in depression but you don't have postpartum psychosis. A lot of patients we see have postpartum psychosis and they even have ideas of harming the baby and harming self. So you have this positive thing and this will also help in quick recovery.
You have insight that there is problem in your mind and you want to get rid of this problem. The symptoms are depression only and you are also rationalising the things :). You want to care your parents but due to the responsibilities of your husband's family you couldn't care your parents. But this is an isolated situation. A lot of elderly which we see daily with depression and mid life crisis have complaints that their sons are not caring them. They fight with them. How many of your friends or males in your circle stay with their parents after marriage? You will find only rare examples where they stay and both parents and the couple are happy.
Your girls will grow after two decades. The time and mentality will change in coming years. Even if we assume they will leave your home after 25 years, but you have 25 years to enjoy at least :). You have to reassure yourself again and again. Right now you are seeing negative things only and are not seeing positive things. Disqualifying positive and maximising the negatives are two common cognitive distortions which result in depression. Don't generalise the things. Things might be bad in present time but in some days you will be out of depression and will function normally.
Just try to keep yourself busy. Spend more time in doing constructive activities like you used to do. Develop some new interest and your mind will be distracted. Read a good book which will calm your mind. Keeping yourself busy will help in getting rid of these thoughts.
Also don't get depressed and think that these thoughts will remain for life. You will be alright in some time and will forget the things. You are not a bad mother, you just have fear that you might not become bad mother. These two things are different. This doesn't make you bad.
Due to website rules I am not able to provide the phone number. I am extremely sorry for that. But you can talk with the customer care and they will arrange for a call at a convenient time.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Hello , You mentioned here about postpartum phycosis , I want to bring your notice that I also sometimes get thought of getting something beyond , when this anxiety is high.. that time I also feels to get rid of this baby anyhow . I want my status back of happy and Small family of we three . But I also know that this is not possible now anyhow .
You told me to think positive side of it ,even I tried to do that but I am not able to think any of positive point of having two girls now, instead of one . Many people say that single child is not good.. and they always need company but I never believed in this theory . I just planned the second baby because my husband wanted two child and then Later I decided and made up my mind also about Male baby . Somehow I fixed in my mind that I will definitely have Male baby this time , I know this is my biggest mistake which I am regretting . Infact I am regretting of my decision of seconds child , this regret is killing me . Now I feel that I should have convince my husband for single child . But the sad thing is what is happened is happened and I it can’t be changed even want to reverse desperately. My mind is going back again and again and regretting that i should not have done this . Now growing up this baby is giving me nervesness . I can’t imagine double of everything in my house now . I can’t imagine two girls at my home . Pla tell me that do you have anything so that I should feels scared and suffocating and my heartbeat get fast everytime when I wake from my sleep suddenly... that feeling is beyond the words , I always seek people to talk to me otherwise I become mad .
I was a regular gym Person before my first delivery and always wanted to join gym again after my first child but I could not get time and also this idea was also there in somewhere in my mind that let me finish this two baby task and then I will focus on myseff . This time since beginning of my pregnancy I was planning that what all so and so I will do now after delivery ,I thought that I will not waste time after this and start gyming and then I will work again or start some business. But now all my excitement has lost . It seems nonuse Of gyming also.Everything lost its meaning for me now . Pls save me now . I can’t see any positivity in anything and with this baby .
You told me to think positive side of it ,even I tried to do that but I am not able to think any of positive point of having two girls now, instead of one . Many people say that single child is not good.. and they always need company but I never believed in this theory . I just planned the second baby because my husband wanted two child and then Later I decided and made up my mind also about Male baby . Somehow I fixed in my mind that I will definitely have Male baby this time , I know this is my biggest mistake which I am regretting . Infact I am regretting of my decision of seconds child , this regret is killing me . Now I feel that I should have convince my husband for single child . But the sad thing is what is happened is happened and I it can’t be changed even want to reverse desperately. My mind is going back again and again and regretting that i should not have done this . Now growing up this baby is giving me nervesness . I can’t imagine double of everything in my house now . I can’t imagine two girls at my home . Pla tell me that do you have anything so that I should feels scared and suffocating and my heartbeat get fast everytime when I wake from my sleep suddenly... that feeling is beyond the words , I always seek people to talk to me otherwise I become mad .
I was a regular gym Person before my first delivery and always wanted to join gym again after my first child but I could not get time and also this idea was also there in somewhere in my mind that let me finish this two baby task and then I will focus on myseff . This time since beginning of my pregnancy I was planning that what all so and so I will do now after delivery ,I thought that I will not waste time after this and start gyming and then I will work again or start some business. But now all my excitement has lost . It seems nonuse Of gyming also.Everything lost its meaning for me now . Pls save me now . I can’t see any positivity in anything and with this baby .
Brief Answer:
Please try to find positive in things.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
As we discussed you have to work very hard in order to come out of these thoughts. The cognitive distortions and false thoughts about having a male child will only make things worse. You should now find hope and positive things in your baby girl only.
Why does she suffer? She was brought in this world by you and your husband. You are saying you didn't want another baby and it was your husband who requested you. But at the end both of you are responsible for her birth. Why should she suffer? If you want boy or girl that is your headache. She is in this world now. In coming days your thoughts will go but in some years you will have guilty that you failed to take care of your newborn at the time of her birth. You should think about this.
You have to change the thoughts. Most of educated now a days have suppressed such kind of thougths. You have to suppress these thoughts.
Everything right from the care of your elder baby, about your exercise, about your work at home.. you are blaming the child. This is not her fault. This is the problem of you and your husband.
So please think about the things I have mentioned. Try to keep yourself busy. Even if you have no bonding for her right now, even then feed her, take care of her. Everything will be alright.
In some days you should see improvement in your mood.
Thanks, Still have doubts please ask again.
Please try to find positive in things.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
As we discussed you have to work very hard in order to come out of these thoughts. The cognitive distortions and false thoughts about having a male child will only make things worse. You should now find hope and positive things in your baby girl only.
Why does she suffer? She was brought in this world by you and your husband. You are saying you didn't want another baby and it was your husband who requested you. But at the end both of you are responsible for her birth. Why should she suffer? If you want boy or girl that is your headache. She is in this world now. In coming days your thoughts will go but in some years you will have guilty that you failed to take care of your newborn at the time of her birth. You should think about this.
You have to change the thoughts. Most of educated now a days have suppressed such kind of thougths. You have to suppress these thoughts.
Everything right from the care of your elder baby, about your exercise, about your work at home.. you are blaming the child. This is not her fault. This is the problem of you and your husband.
So please think about the things I have mentioned. Try to keep yourself busy. Even if you have no bonding for her right now, even then feed her, take care of her. Everything will be alright.
In some days you should see improvement in your mood.
Thanks, Still have doubts please ask again.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Hello, Thanks for you response . But I think you are being judgmental about it . I know this all problem is mine and there is no fault of my baby girl . She is innocent 25 days old baby. But I am still regretting my decision to plan the second baby. And I can’t help it to not to think like that that’s why thought to talk to a phcistrist . I am telling you all unfiltered what’s going inside me . I am taking care of the baby , feeding her . But not with excitement and motivation.
I called coustomer care as u suggested to get connected with you but they said they don’t have this option . But they said doctor can directly share contact details if he is willing to do it . My situation is getting worst day by day and I am not able to come out of those thoughts . It’s is getting difficult for me to go my daily jobs . I have lost intrest in everything.I see no hopes now .
I called coustomer care as u suggested to get connected with you but they said they don’t have this option . But they said doctor can directly share contact details if he is willing to do it . My situation is getting worst day by day and I am not able to come out of those thoughts . It’s is getting difficult for me to go my daily jobs . I have lost intrest in everything.I see no hopes now .
Brief Answer:
You can visit my profile on this site.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
Yes I became judgemental to some extent, but that was just to make you realise that even if you have guilt about the decision even then you have to care for the baby. You are not in psychosis this is why I am judgemental to some extent. I am sorry for that.
You are feeding her and take care of her and in some days you will develop attachment to the baby. This is normal physiological and psychological process. Oxytocin a hormone secreted in lactating mothers helps in emotional things too. The situation has become worse but in some time you will adjust to the change and will again become happy. Just don't loose the hope.
As per guidelines and privacy policy I can't share the number in this answer. You can visit my profile on this site and you should find the details to contact me.
Thanks.
You can visit my profile on this site.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
Yes I became judgemental to some extent, but that was just to make you realise that even if you have guilt about the decision even then you have to care for the baby. You are not in psychosis this is why I am judgemental to some extent. I am sorry for that.
You are feeding her and take care of her and in some days you will develop attachment to the baby. This is normal physiological and psychological process. Oxytocin a hormone secreted in lactating mothers helps in emotional things too. The situation has become worse but in some time you will adjust to the change and will again become happy. Just don't loose the hope.
As per guidelines and privacy policy I can't share the number in this answer. You can visit my profile on this site and you should find the details to contact me.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Raju A.T
Thanks for the reply . Pls also let me know that what to do with these suffocation feelings and fast heart beat which I have mentioned before . I get it when I wake up From my sleep . And these are really scary feelings . I feel like I will get heart attack or something like that . Also I now realising that if it is my condition now than over the period of time I will not be able to handle anything . Like now I am feeling myself so old and which is totally opposite how I am . I am stared getting scared of getting old . I am feeling that all good thing have gone from my life and with each passing day I am getting older . I visualise that my kids have grown up and I don’t like it that they grow up. I feel for my elder daughter that soon she will be grow up and I get scared for that also . I searched your profile in this website but there also contact details are nit available. I can understand that you cannot share your contact details here . But can I share my contact details. Will it be confidential or will be open for all, as I can see all the questions asked here by everyone . Pls guide . I just want to get out of this mental state as soon as possible that’s why wanted to talk to you directly. Thanks
Brief Answer:
The symptoms will remit in sometime.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
If you can visit a physician then you can get the prescription for control of these symptoms. If your family is not not so open for you to visit a psychiatrist then you can visit a physician. The suffocation like feeling, rapid heartbeat, scary feelings are occurring due to anxiety. This anxiety can be controlled by drugs like low dose Etizolam or Clonazepam. These drugs will help in relaxation and will control the symptoms effectively. The drugs can be taken on SOS basis without worries.
The anticipation is also making symptoms worse. The hopelessness is due to depression only. But this is not permanent. You have to understand that the depression can be treated. With time the symptoms will definitely go away. You will develop bonding for the newborn. This will take some time but everything will be alright.
Its not good to share your personal details here because of privacy issues. You should search the details are available I think.
Thanks.
The symptoms will remit in sometime.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
If you can visit a physician then you can get the prescription for control of these symptoms. If your family is not not so open for you to visit a psychiatrist then you can visit a physician. The suffocation like feeling, rapid heartbeat, scary feelings are occurring due to anxiety. This anxiety can be controlled by drugs like low dose Etizolam or Clonazepam. These drugs will help in relaxation and will control the symptoms effectively. The drugs can be taken on SOS basis without worries.
The anticipation is also making symptoms worse. The hopelessness is due to depression only. But this is not permanent. You have to understand that the depression can be treated. With time the symptoms will definitely go away. You will develop bonding for the newborn. This will take some time but everything will be alright.
Its not good to share your personal details here because of privacy issues. You should search the details are available I think.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Nagamani Ng
Hello ..I want to believe that this will go soon but I am thinking that it will go . I feel so hopeless. Actually whenever we expect anything and not get it then for some time we feel bad and than we hope for the later but in this matter all my hopes have gone .. I expected a maple child that didn’t came and now no hopes . And my biggest fear is that All my life I will feel this emptiness in my heart and will always feels bad is someone point out this or I will see any family like that. Also now before the boy matter I am started feeling that I was happy with single child .. there was no need to hi for second one ... I am trying to not to think like that but it’s not under my control . I feel so lonely even if i surrounded by so many people . I am avoiding Neibours and everybody else who know before that I was pregnant .. I feels me that everyone is taking about me . I feel some inferiority complex . Going out with my husband alone calms me but after coming back to home I feel the same negative thoughts . It seems that all my good moments have gone and now I can’t be happy and free as before .
Brief Answer:
Acceptance will be there in sometime.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
When ever something happens that is not as per out expectation we go into denial for some time and then we go to anger and then we go to depression phase. But after that acceptance stage is there. In this stage your problems will go and you will develop hope and happiness again. This is as per normal psychological model and this happens in all individuals.
So stop worrying for that. This is good that you are in depressive phase and next stage is acceptance stage. Retrospectively some things are taken in new meaning but these things will pass with time. If going out with husband or spending time with him is making you happy and this should be more frequent. Anticipatory thoughts are resulting in depression but this is not permanent. Just remain hopeful. Everything will be alright with time.
Thanks.
Acceptance will be there in sometime.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again
When ever something happens that is not as per out expectation we go into denial for some time and then we go to anger and then we go to depression phase. But after that acceptance stage is there. In this stage your problems will go and you will develop hope and happiness again. This is as per normal psychological model and this happens in all individuals.
So stop worrying for that. This is good that you are in depressive phase and next stage is acceptance stage. Retrospectively some things are taken in new meaning but these things will pass with time. If going out with husband or spending time with him is making you happy and this should be more frequent. Anticipatory thoughts are resulting in depression but this is not permanent. Just remain hopeful. Everything will be alright with time.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Hello , You have given me enough hopes that this all will ho after some time and I want to believe all but at present I feel no improvement in myself , infact getting worse everyday . I am nktbyeyting our if regret feeling of my decision of having second child . And if I decided for second child it should be Male baby . I am not able to forget my dreams with nah baby , I visualised my my family picture with bait bang and now when I try to replace this picture with this girl baby , then I feel immense pain . When I wake up from my sleep it getting worst feeling and scary feeling everytime which is not improving . I have lost intrest in everything . My husband is getting irritated with me and getting angry also on me , he have stated saying bad things to me .
Today it’s one month since this girl have arrived in my life but I still not feeling that attachenent with her , when I see her I feel that such poor girl she is that God has sent her to me who can’t be a good mother for her . I remember when my first daughter turned one month , I celebrated her one month B day but for this daughter I did not felt anything. This is so unfair for her and when she will grow she will see the I have all the pictures and vedios if my first daughter of her every moment and each milestones of her life . I asked my husband to fake her photos also just for the sake of keeping it that see will see that we have taken hers also ... but actually I don’t feek any excitement doing anything. I am doing all her work and all my duties as mother to her just as a work not from my heart . This is unfair to her . All I feel all the time that I shouldn’t decide for the second child that’s all . Having another baby is biggest mistake of my life . Taking care of her is giving me tension and stress all the time . I would never be excited to buy girly clothes and other things. Do you think that I would love her same I do to my elder daughter ?? When that day will come ? Is there any therapy or something that I can’t forget my dream completely, is there anything that those feeling can be removed from my system forever? I heard about hypnotherapy in physiatristy , is it possible that that I forget all such thoughts forever by any means so that it should never bother me again and I can leave my life peacefully with really . Pls tell some way that I can talk to you directly . I searched but did not get the contact details .may be they have hide it for the users . Thanks
Today it’s one month since this girl have arrived in my life but I still not feeling that attachenent with her , when I see her I feel that such poor girl she is that God has sent her to me who can’t be a good mother for her . I remember when my first daughter turned one month , I celebrated her one month B day but for this daughter I did not felt anything. This is so unfair for her and when she will grow she will see the I have all the pictures and vedios if my first daughter of her every moment and each milestones of her life . I asked my husband to fake her photos also just for the sake of keeping it that see will see that we have taken hers also ... but actually I don’t feek any excitement doing anything. I am doing all her work and all my duties as mother to her just as a work not from my heart . This is unfair to her . All I feel all the time that I shouldn’t decide for the second child that’s all . Having another baby is biggest mistake of my life . Taking care of her is giving me tension and stress all the time . I would never be excited to buy girly clothes and other things. Do you think that I would love her same I do to my elder daughter ?? When that day will come ? Is there any therapy or something that I can’t forget my dream completely, is there anything that those feeling can be removed from my system forever? I heard about hypnotherapy in physiatristy , is it possible that that I forget all such thoughts forever by any means so that it should never bother me again and I can leave my life peacefully with really . Pls tell some way that I can talk to you directly . I searched but did not get the contact details .may be they have hide it for the users . Thanks
Brief Answer:
Just don't feel helpless and remain hopeful.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again,
I am sorry for replying late because of a little busy schedule. First of all I'd like to tell you that since you are feeling bad about the new born baby that you are not taking her care properly because there are no feelings, this itself is showing that you have concern for that baby. This is a positive step. In somedays this concern will get converted to attachment and you will have feelings for her.
Try to accept that you are feeling bad that she is not getting that attention which she should be getting. This means that you are thinking about her in unconscious mind. This will improve in some days.
Yes you will develop the feeling for her. In coming weeks gradually you will develop feelings for her. Just don't feel helpless and remain hopeful. Cognitive therapy can be used to treat the condition but this therapy is time consuming and multiple sessions are needed. The results too vary in individuals.
Hypnotherapy is a good alternative but I am not sure if there are good qualified hypnotherapists available in XXXXXXX Most of these are self proclaimed.
You should search for me and you will find the details.
Thanks
Just don't feel helpless and remain hopeful.
Detailed Answer:
Hello again,
I am sorry for replying late because of a little busy schedule. First of all I'd like to tell you that since you are feeling bad about the new born baby that you are not taking her care properly because there are no feelings, this itself is showing that you have concern for that baby. This is a positive step. In somedays this concern will get converted to attachment and you will have feelings for her.
Try to accept that you are feeling bad that she is not getting that attention which she should be getting. This means that you are thinking about her in unconscious mind. This will improve in some days.
Yes you will develop the feeling for her. In coming weeks gradually you will develop feelings for her. Just don't feel helpless and remain hopeful. Cognitive therapy can be used to treat the condition but this therapy is time consuming and multiple sessions are needed. The results too vary in individuals.
Hypnotherapy is a good alternative but I am not sure if there are good qualified hypnotherapists available in XXXXXXX Most of these are self proclaimed.
You should search for me and you will find the details.
Thanks
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
Get personalised answers from verified doctor in minutes across 80+ specialties
