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Hi, I Am A 32 Year Old Female. I Have
Question: Hi,
I am a 32 year old female. I have been married for around 2 years. My husband and I had been dating for 2 years before that and been friends since 2012.
Over the last 2 years, I have been very unsatisfied with our sex life. We have sex once in 2 weeks at best (sometimes longer) and 9 out of 10 times it is I who initiates it. I have brought this up with my husband multiple times before and everytime, he says I am overthinking it and there is nothing wrong with our sex life. I know he loves me deeply and he cares for me in multiple ways. But I always feel concerned when it comes to this.
He is a night owl & I am a morning person. During the week, he comes very late from work & is exhausted (I am currently not working). When he comes home, he spends the few waking hours catching up on social media and tv shows. When I brought this up, he said he doesn’t have time to look at his phone all day so he just gets these few minutes to catch up.
During the weekends, he sleeps till noon & we’re never in the bedroom at the same time. By the time he goes to bed at night, I’m already asleep. In the afternoons, he wants to be on the playstation or watch a movie when i suggest taking a nap/cuddle together. Most times that we do end up having sex, it is me forcefully initiating it on weekend afternoons. He doesn’t reject my initiations but I find it unfair that I am the one taking all the initiative. He just doesn’t see the problem. And i know he will never agree to see a counsellor or doctor. I don’t know what to do & end up getting upset just thinking about it.
We are planning to start trying for a baby by end of this year- and I will be very stressed if I have to initiate frequent sex all the time, esp since we don’t even have it frequently currently.
Please help.
I am a 32 year old female. I have been married for around 2 years. My husband and I had been dating for 2 years before that and been friends since 2012.
Over the last 2 years, I have been very unsatisfied with our sex life. We have sex once in 2 weeks at best (sometimes longer) and 9 out of 10 times it is I who initiates it. I have brought this up with my husband multiple times before and everytime, he says I am overthinking it and there is nothing wrong with our sex life. I know he loves me deeply and he cares for me in multiple ways. But I always feel concerned when it comes to this.
He is a night owl & I am a morning person. During the week, he comes very late from work & is exhausted (I am currently not working). When he comes home, he spends the few waking hours catching up on social media and tv shows. When I brought this up, he said he doesn’t have time to look at his phone all day so he just gets these few minutes to catch up.
During the weekends, he sleeps till noon & we’re never in the bedroom at the same time. By the time he goes to bed at night, I’m already asleep. In the afternoons, he wants to be on the playstation or watch a movie when i suggest taking a nap/cuddle together. Most times that we do end up having sex, it is me forcefully initiating it on weekend afternoons. He doesn’t reject my initiations but I find it unfair that I am the one taking all the initiative. He just doesn’t see the problem. And i know he will never agree to see a counsellor or doctor. I don’t know what to do & end up getting upset just thinking about it.
We are planning to start trying for a baby by end of this year- and I will be very stressed if I have to initiate frequent sex all the time, esp since we don’t even have it frequently currently.
Please help.
Brief Answer:
Consultation
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concerns.
First of all I do not feel there is no problem with your sex life. Having no initiation from one partner and having sex two or less times per month is never considered normal in otherwise healthy couples at the age of 32 years when they are living under one roof.
Although counsellor visit is best thing that can be done but I like to suggest few things to make it better.
1. When he is in better mood open the discussion and make a strategy for regular contact with each other. This can be done by shifting each ones sleeping cycle later/earlier to make it more synchronised to each other.
2. In addition the time spent on the gadgets need to be cut off. This can be done by suggesting something which both of you enjoy. This can be some of your/his hobbies or anything which strikes you. I understand that he is tired and need some leisure time but extra time spent on gadgets is something which can be utilised in better way.
3. Thirdly be more assertive in explaining the problem and how you feel over the last two years when it comes to sex life.
I hope this helps you.
Feel free to write back to me if you have more concerns.
Thanks again.
Consultation
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concerns.
First of all I do not feel there is no problem with your sex life. Having no initiation from one partner and having sex two or less times per month is never considered normal in otherwise healthy couples at the age of 32 years when they are living under one roof.
Although counsellor visit is best thing that can be done but I like to suggest few things to make it better.
1. When he is in better mood open the discussion and make a strategy for regular contact with each other. This can be done by shifting each ones sleeping cycle later/earlier to make it more synchronised to each other.
2. In addition the time spent on the gadgets need to be cut off. This can be done by suggesting something which both of you enjoy. This can be some of your/his hobbies or anything which strikes you. I understand that he is tired and need some leisure time but extra time spent on gadgets is something which can be utilised in better way.
3. Thirdly be more assertive in explaining the problem and how you feel over the last two years when it comes to sex life.
I hope this helps you.
Feel free to write back to me if you have more concerns.
Thanks again.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Vaishalee Punj
Answered by
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