Brief Answer:
Sex when no lesions.
Detailed Answer:
Dear Friend
Thanks for sharing with us.
Genital Herpes , is a highly recurrent viral infection , and is a communicable disease.
I would like to tell you one thing very clearly , that having unsafe sex , with your wife , would carry high chances of transmission to her , especially if you have active lesions on the genitalia.
I personally advise my patients , with the same problem to , have sex during the period when they don't have genital lesions, however, there is a condition called as "Silent Herpes" , when you don't have lesion , but there is shedding of virus , so 100% surely , there is no way out to stop the transmission , else always use condom. That may give good protection , however , not 100%.
Semen doesn't contain herpes virus , but few studies claim it contains.
So , the best way out it to share this with your wife , and have sex when you don't have visible lesions.
I hope i am able to solve your query , still if you have any query , you may ask me.