How To Handle Emotional Manipulation In A Relationship?

Posted on Mon, 19 Jan 2015

Question: My bf and me in relation for last 1yr.we used to go to hotels for having sex.but somehow i never liked it.i told him few months back but he got angry and said ignore that guilt feeling.but as days passed i feel bad.i seriously miss my parents then.people at hotels look at me very differently.i told him everything but again he blasted at me saying he anyhow needs sex every 10 days n that we have no other option than hotels.if i say no i will loose him.if yes i will have to stay with those dirty feelings.what do i do? Does the guy really respect n love me or is it just about physical for him? Please guide me

Answered by Dr. Srikanth Reddy (15 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
A very common problem

Detailed Answer:
Hello,

Thanks for choosing health care magic for posting your query.

I have gone through your question in detail and I can understand what you are going through.

Let me assure that its a very common problem encountered by youngsters today. With the changing spciety and liberalization of attitudes, such problems have become very common. Its a matter of whole life. If today your boyfreind cannot accept and respect your feeling today then you cannot expect him to do so in future as well. Sex is not a compulsion in a premarital relationship and is taken up only if both of you are comfortable.
Discuss with him your thoughts and the need for him to understand. If he doesnt then you can think of leaving him XXXXXXX its not end of the world. If he thinks of leaving you just for the sake that hebis not getting sexual pleaure from you, then its not a relationship worth living for.
Moreover in out society pre marital relationship has many risks like hiv, aids, hepatitis, pregnancy and herpes. Moreover the commitment for marriage is also not very clear.
Your distress is not acceptable. Start respecting yourself and give it a call.

Hope I am able to answer your concerns.

If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.

If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for me, so that I get a good feedback.

In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link:

bit.ly/dr-srikanth-reddy

Wish you good health,

Kind regards

Dr. Srikanth Reddy M.D.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Srikanth Reddy (1 hour later)

We are 22 and we had planned of marriage after 4 years.so he says its not possible for boys to wait so long.i said i did nt say no.i just said we can wait for few months till someday our homes are empty for sometym.i dint even ask him to wait for 4 years.still he says few months will be a problem for him.is it true that boys have so much problem?is the condition i put for him really so wrong? Is it that if i do not do sex in hotels and all i m a bad girlfriend?

Answered by Dr. Srikanth Reddy (3 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
Its nkt so

Detailed Answer:
Hello
Its not so. At 22 years he should speak respnsibly. If you were not there in his life wouldnot have he waited. If you refuse, that doest make you a bad girlfriend.
Regards
Dr . Srikanth Reddy

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Srikanth Reddy (2 hours later)

Ok sir.and according to u is it correct not to go to hotels? Or is it just i m feeling that way? I have no one to talk about it so i do not know whether my feeling is correct or not.is it wrong to go to hotels if i come from good respectful family?

Answered by Dr. Srikanth Reddy (11 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
Personal choices

Detailed Answer:
Hello
In this changing society, nothing is exactly right or wrong. It depends on how you feel about it. If you feel good and enjoy the part, then you may go ahead. But if you are not comfortable then, it is wrong to still persist in the same. YOu should better explain your limits to your boyfriend clearly.
Do you follow all the precautions while you are having sex?
Is there any abnormal sexual activity that you proceed with?
IN case if you want any clarifications about these topics do let me know.
Regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Srikanth Reddy (7 minutes later)

Then what if my bf feels that going is correct and i feel its not correct? Who should ideally compromise?

Answered by Dr. Srikanth Reddy (3 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
Its you who matters the most for yourself

Detailed Answer:
Hello
I guess you should say no for such an act as you are not comfortable for that. In case if your boyfriend breaks up with you in absence of prvision of sex, then it means you are seriously in a very bad relationship. In case if he still continues, you can always opt for having sex when ever you feel comfortable about the issue.
My intution says that you should better breakup than continuing such a relationship.
Regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Srikanth Reddy (16 days later)

Doctor please understand my situation...me and bf were continuously fighting over some or the other issue from last month...when i decided to take some time and asked him to take break...after one day of no contact he msged me to say sorry and that he has realised that i m the one forever and he misses me a lot.he met me and was getting kinda too romantic like he never did in this one year..too much loving and then he said lets go out for a trip to nearby hill station v will take a nice hotel there...i m not getting now is this sudden transition and over romantic nature fake and just to take me in confidence?? Please help n guide me what to do..i dont want to get into any trap.

Just to tell u the past story...we used to go hotels for sex and i was never comfortable..so i told him and fights started. ..

Answered by Dr. Srikanth Reddy (7 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Make a condition

Detailed Answer:
Hello
Thanks for the follow-up question.
Fights and make-ups are common on a relationship and the love/romance generally swells after such fights. What is happening is normal. You may agree to go to the hill station but state him clearly that sex is not going to happen there. Still if he is interested to go and stay in a good hotel, then you may go ahead. But make sure you stick to your words.
Kind regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Srikanth Reddy (2 hours later)

No he said he wants to have sex...and his birthday i coming so kind of saying very cutely that he will take his friends room for bday...i m finding it very gross..i m feeling all his gestures are kind of fake and just to take me into confidence and to get what he wants..hw will i gt to know whether he is genuine?

I do not feel that if he had really realised so much then he shuoudnt have brought the topic of sex on the very first day of patch up...he treated me too well n then slowly n steadily brought up this topic...about his bday he has himself said what he wants i.e just sex...i m finding this kind of manipulative...what will u guide me sir?

I dont want to get in any trap from which i wont be able to come out...one brain says he is genuinely being over romantic other says he is trying to carry me away emotionally and manipulate me..

Answered by Dr. Srikanth Reddy (3 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Doesnt feel genuine

Detailed Answer:
Hello
The fact that only sex in his mind, irrespective of the risk associated, I feel his love is not genuine. If he loves you then he should be able to do so, with all his heart even without having the provision of sex.
YOu should better part your ways and I feel he will surely find some other girl to have sex with. Its a very personal decision, and I think you should take your own decision in this respect.
Kind regards
Dr. Srikanth

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Srikanth Reddy (14 days later)

He fought with me whole month...used words like satisfy me or get lost...i asked him what will u do if ur sister is in same situation he said if i said anything about his sister he would slap me tight..he said he thinks me as a wife n so he expects me to be to give him things as a wife does..is it a right thing? Am i just feeling that he disprespected me or he really disrespected me? Today he says he has decided he will never touch me not even hold my hand in life...what should i do? How do i handle this? Please help

Plz help me

Now he says i have no feelings i wanna brk up...n says lets go tomorrow to hotel to see if i get feelings...i m just begging in front of him for relation..what should i do? I do nt want to go wid him for sex

Answered by Dr. Srikanth Reddy (16 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Not a healthy relationship

Detailed Answer:
Hello
If the relationship is totally skewed towards sex, then it is not supposed to be a healthy relationship. I doubt whether he is serious enough about the relationship. If you are comfortable with him except for the sex part and seriously plan to marry him in future then you can ask him to get married right away in the court. If he feels that he can treat you as wife then he can officially be your husband as well. YOu can anytime have a proper marrige with the family members. In case if he says no to the court marriage, then he is simply using you and doesnt want any commitments. Ask him if he is ready to get married in court.
Regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy

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Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar