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How To Handle Insecurity In Married Life?
Question: I am married since four years .. My problem is that my husband is not loving and caring ..he never fulfill any of my expectation .. And being a emotional person this all makes me mad . Pls help me . Many times when I cry , he don't even bother to make me calm and sleep himself leaving me alone crying . Many Examples are there for explain hi insensitivity towards me . This all makes me very sad and I always thinks about it .
Brief Answer:
Try to establish mutual understanding betweenand set limits
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXX,
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concerns.
I am glad to know that after years of suffering you have finally decided to seek help.
Although I do not prefer to judgmental but from the available description it appears that there is complete mismatch between your expectations and level of care and love offered by your husband toward you.
The best solution for this problem is mutual understanding between partners and setting limits. Respect the boundaries of each other and tackle the problem rather than person. Whenever you feel he is doing something wrong do not blame him as a person but talk about the problem how you feel, how it should be done, what are the alternative ways and so on.
If you blame the person than it is not going to change but problems in between can be solved provided there is mutual understanding.
In case simple things you have already tried it is time to see a marriage counselor or psychologist in your city. If you happen to be from northern states (Rajasthan) you can contact me for required marriage counseling.
I hope this helps you.
Thanks and regards.
Try to establish mutual understanding betweenand set limits
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXX,
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.
I read your query and understand your concerns.
I am glad to know that after years of suffering you have finally decided to seek help.
Although I do not prefer to judgmental but from the available description it appears that there is complete mismatch between your expectations and level of care and love offered by your husband toward you.
The best solution for this problem is mutual understanding between partners and setting limits. Respect the boundaries of each other and tackle the problem rather than person. Whenever you feel he is doing something wrong do not blame him as a person but talk about the problem how you feel, how it should be done, what are the alternative ways and so on.
If you blame the person than it is not going to change but problems in between can be solved provided there is mutual understanding.
In case simple things you have already tried it is time to see a marriage counselor or psychologist in your city. If you happen to be from northern states (Rajasthan) you can contact me for required marriage counseling.
I hope this helps you.
Thanks and regards.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
The biggest problem is that he don't even like to discuss on these matters ,he don't like to discuss anything , he never understands my sentiments , he do everything as a responsibility , he helps me in household works. And situation gets worst when we both are not staying togather .. He never calls me or ask anything , what I expect that he should say something lovengly to me , and this I have told him many time that how I feel all this to me and how I expect . When I sent him loving messages he never reply back . on the other hand when we are staying togather I take care of his every small needs . I show my love to him always but I didn get anything in return . Many time I just hide my feeling but sometime it goes out of my limit .
Brief Answer:
Lack of communication is most common cause
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXX,
Thanks for returning back to me.
What you mentioned here above is almost routine in most improper functioning marriages. In fact lack of open communication is the biggest culprit for derailing the many happy marriages.
In my view approach in following way.
1. Share his responsibility. I understand you take care of every small needs of your husband but I think you can do it differently. As you said he takes everything as responsibility so haring the burden of his responsibility will be best approach. BY doing so he may spare some time for you and himself to make it happy marriage. I know it is difficult to do but try to do while keeping your leg in his shoes.
2. Set a dialogue when he is close to you. It may be post action between sheets or even after lunch or dinner. Try to approach him in a different way to understand his needs. What you are doing might not be his expectations.
I hope this assists you further.
In case you are not satisfied with results it will be appropriate to approach marital counselor in your city.
Thanks again.
Lack of communication is most common cause
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXX,
Thanks for returning back to me.
What you mentioned here above is almost routine in most improper functioning marriages. In fact lack of open communication is the biggest culprit for derailing the many happy marriages.
In my view approach in following way.
1. Share his responsibility. I understand you take care of every small needs of your husband but I think you can do it differently. As you said he takes everything as responsibility so haring the burden of his responsibility will be best approach. BY doing so he may spare some time for you and himself to make it happy marriage. I know it is difficult to do but try to do while keeping your leg in his shoes.
2. Set a dialogue when he is close to you. It may be post action between sheets or even after lunch or dinner. Try to approach him in a different way to understand his needs. What you are doing might not be his expectations.
I hope this assists you further.
In case you are not satisfied with results it will be appropriate to approach marital counselor in your city.
Thanks again.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
This is I forget to write you before that I already share the responsibilities since the beginning .. Weather it is payment on bills, some repairing at home , do some modification on furniture .. Dialogues to the bank , to the house owner ,home loan .. Regarding car service .. Everything I take care .. He just has to go to his office and do there his jobs . He never get worries about our baby needs or house needs .. Everything I take care .. I spite of all this he never gives credit to me .. But that's ok . I jut want some love from him . He is failing to do this . And already I have told him many times . He is very impatient person .
Brief Answer:
I understand
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXX,
Thanks for follow up.
I reviewed the additional details and from the description it appears to me you are doing more than what is expected from a women in society and your needs are genuine and should be respected with atmost care and dignity.
I think there is definite need for in depth evaluation of your relationship with help of expert psychologist.
Thanks again.
I understand
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXX,
Thanks for follow up.
I reviewed the additional details and from the description it appears to me you are doing more than what is expected from a women in society and your needs are genuine and should be respected with atmost care and dignity.
I think there is definite need for in depth evaluation of your relationship with help of expert psychologist.
Thanks again.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Sometimes I feel that I should not expect anything from him .. But than it feels to me that there will nothing remaining then .. From inside am like a child and I like to be pampered , love .. Atleast he should leat bother when I cry I from of him after an argument . If I can't change him , pls help that how change myself to be less emotional and not to expect anything from him .
Brief Answer:
Your expectations are genuine and better to lower expectations
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXX,
Thanks again for follow up.
As I stated above your expectations are genuine and there is nothing wrong to desire love and care from partner.
You are not supposed to either change yourself or your husband but there is need to accept the reality and learn to live your life in fullest way. Infact everyone of us have the personality and it is hard to change unless otherwise it is pathological.
I think rather than changing yourself it is better to lower expectations from a person who is not responsive to your emotions in proper way.
I hope this assists you further.
Thanks and regards.
Your expectations are genuine and better to lower expectations
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXX,
Thanks again for follow up.
As I stated above your expectations are genuine and there is nothing wrong to desire love and care from partner.
You are not supposed to either change yourself or your husband but there is need to accept the reality and learn to live your life in fullest way. Infact everyone of us have the personality and it is hard to change unless otherwise it is pathological.
I think rather than changing yourself it is better to lower expectations from a person who is not responsive to your emotions in proper way.
I hope this assists you further.
Thanks and regards.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
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