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How To Handle Irritation, Aggressive And Abusive Behavior In A Child?
Question: My 22 month old daughter is hitting us whenever she is angry or frustrated (i.e when we doesnt allow her to do as her wish). She has been hitting from couple of months but from few weeks the frequency has only increased. We were thinking that this will go away, but is has only increased. Initially Whenever she hits someone we strictly say that it hurts and we are upset with her behaviour. We leave her alone for sometime until she is normal. Sometimes we used to distract her with her favourite toy or taking her to another room. Now if we try to distract her with a toy, she will just grab the toy and throw it away.
All the initial tricks or distractions are not helping us anymore. She hits, understands that we might be upset and immediately says hug me. Sometimes she keeps hitting and if we say NO she will hit more and starts crying. We dont know how to handle the situation any more and very frustrated.
She has become very unpredictable from a week. If we tickle her sometimes she will play, but sometimes she will be angry and hits us. This is an example of how unpredictable she has become.
She is a super fussy eater and already giving hard time for us. With this hitting it is becoming very much frustrating everyday.
Please advise on what we should do
All the initial tricks or distractions are not helping us anymore. She hits, understands that we might be upset and immediately says hug me. Sometimes she keeps hitting and if we say NO she will hit more and starts crying. We dont know how to handle the situation any more and very frustrated.
She has become very unpredictable from a week. If we tickle her sometimes she will play, but sometimes she will be angry and hits us. This is an example of how unpredictable she has become.
She is a super fussy eater and already giving hard time for us. With this hitting it is becoming very much frustrating everyday.
Please advise on what we should do
Brief Answer:
This is very common in this age
Detailed Answer:
Hi...I understand your concern.
This is very common in this age and This is how I counsel my patients parents usually -
You need not panic when you see your toddler. Technically, a child this young can't be a bully. Two- and 3-year-olds don't yet fully understand their emotions or anyone else's, so they don't intentionally hurt someone's feelings.
Suggestions on this behavior -
1. Try to speak calmly, but if your child doesn't listen, take her aside and say, "You're out of control. You need a time-out to calm down."
2. Don't demand an explanation. Asking a child why he did something wrong implies that there may be times when it's okay to be mean.
3. Never get angry in front of the kid.
4. Toddlers get just as upset as adults do when they lose control. After a brief time-out, talk to your child in a comforting and compassionate way.
5. Never compare with other kids.
6. As much as possible, respond to aggressive acts the same way every time.
7. No matter how angry you are with her, try not to yell, hit, or tell your child she's bad. Rather than getting him to change her behavior, this simply teaches her that verbal and physical aggression are the way to go when she's mad. Instead, showing her that you can control your temper may be the first step in helping her control her.
8. Rather than paying attention to your 2-year-old only when she misbehaves, try to catch her being good — if she asks for a turn on the swing instead of pushing another kid out of the way, for instance, or shares a toy instead of jerking it away. Praise her lavishly. This is called positive reinforcement.
Regards - Dr. Sumanth
This is very common in this age
Detailed Answer:
Hi...I understand your concern.
This is very common in this age and This is how I counsel my patients parents usually -
You need not panic when you see your toddler. Technically, a child this young can't be a bully. Two- and 3-year-olds don't yet fully understand their emotions or anyone else's, so they don't intentionally hurt someone's feelings.
Suggestions on this behavior -
1. Try to speak calmly, but if your child doesn't listen, take her aside and say, "You're out of control. You need a time-out to calm down."
2. Don't demand an explanation. Asking a child why he did something wrong implies that there may be times when it's okay to be mean.
3. Never get angry in front of the kid.
4. Toddlers get just as upset as adults do when they lose control. After a brief time-out, talk to your child in a comforting and compassionate way.
5. Never compare with other kids.
6. As much as possible, respond to aggressive acts the same way every time.
7. No matter how angry you are with her, try not to yell, hit, or tell your child she's bad. Rather than getting him to change her behavior, this simply teaches her that verbal and physical aggression are the way to go when she's mad. Instead, showing her that you can control your temper may be the first step in helping her control her.
8. Rather than paying attention to your 2-year-old only when she misbehaves, try to catch her being good — if she asks for a turn on the swing instead of pushing another kid out of the way, for instance, or shares a toy instead of jerking it away. Praise her lavishly. This is called positive reinforcement.
Regards - Dr. Sumanth
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Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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