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Is Curiosity About One's Genitals During Puberty Normal?

Posted on Fri, 26 Jun 2015

Question: I am a 50 year old wife, mother, grandmother, and former teacher. I take 40 milligrams of Paxil a day for anxiety. My question is: I am recently extremely nervous over the fact that when I was 11 or 12 and my sister was 9, we engaged in a game where we looked at each other's genitals. This happened 3-4 times. There was no touching I believe. I did not force my sister, but being older, I feel responsible. It was a time when I was beginning puberty and full of hormones I didn't understand. My sister and I have never talked about it and we are generally close today. I have raised two sons and a daughter with no problems. I never touched anyone or played this game again. Now my anxiety is off the charts because I found out my newest granddaughter in five months is a girl and all this comes flooding back. Am I a molester?? I can't live with myself.

Answered by Dr. Dr. Chintan Solanki (1 hour later)

Brief Answer:
You are not at all molestar,they are just your overconcerned thoughts

Detailed Answer:
Hello,

Thanks for writing to us.

Your narration is clearly suggesting that you had never did any forceful act or physical molestation to your sister. Children many times knowingly-unknowingly see or may touch each others genitalia in excitement.This does not at all molestation.
You are very near to your sister and she had never complained about this issue.
You already have anxiety disorder and on treatment. In anxiety disorder person perceives different stimuli in apprehensive manner. Seeing your granddaughter you have recalled your childhood and misinterpreted the events as molestation. But it is not reality.
If you can understand my answer and get rid of your apprehension within a week then it does not require any specific intervention.However if your thoughts persist detail counseling is needed to change your psychodynamic.

Hope I have answered your query, I will be happy to help further.

Regards,
Dr.Chintan Solanki.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Dr. Chintan Solanki (1 hour later)

Thank you for your answer. I have all this anxiety because I am afraid to be a part of my granddaughters life because I am afraid I might "do something wrong." Even though there is no evidence for why I should think this. I still feel guilty because we showed each other genitals and didn't touch except maybe "spanking" each other. Why is this not molestation? I sometimes get anxiety about babysitting my grandson unless someone else is there because I convince myself that I might hurt him physically or he may get hurt due to my negligence. Again there is no reason I would do this. I could never really hurt anyone.

Answered by Dr. Dr. Chintan Solanki (4 hours later)

Brief Answer:
You have insight, you would not do anything wrong

Detailed Answer:
Hi,

Thanks for follow up.

Whatever yo have done it was your childhood experience. For child it is like fun and without any negative motive.
Molestation means to harass or abuse someone physically or mentally which can cause severe consequences to the persons in near future or later in life. If child is too young and he/she cannot understand the purpose of the act then such act without force is also molestation.But the acting person should be enough mature to understand purpose of the act.
In your case you and your sister were without much age difference so it(even spanking also) was just fun for both of you.
As you are being adult now can think about this act in other manner. But still you did not have anything which define molestation.

You are aware about your status as grandmother.To express love one needs to touch baby.Thoughts of hurting baby in your mind are likely due to your anxiety disorder and negative apprehension. One possibility is that you might have been molested/abused by someone during your childhood and subconsciously those feelings are just projecting towards your grandchildren. To evaluate this detail history is needed.

You yourself mentioned that you do not hurt anyone. It is your worry that you might hurt baby but in reality you will take care of baby with very loving and kind manner.

In my opinion for short duration anti anxiety medicines like clonazepam in low dose may help to you.Discuss the same with your treating doctor.

Hope this answers your concern.

Take care.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Dr. Chintan Solanki (6 hours later)

Thanks. I know what has brought forth this anxiety other than my grandchild. All this news in the media regarding the Duggar family. He is being called a pedophile and molester and worse. how is his situation different?

Answered by Dr. Dr. Chintan Solanki (2 hours later)

Brief Answer:
yes it may be the triggering factor

Detailed Answer:
Hi,

Thanks for follow up.

I am from XXXXXXX but I have also heard(but do not know the exact details) about duggar family issue. What I know that XXXXXXX has did things in teenage.He was a boy and he has did something to opposite sex.His sisters has complained about everything.While in your case you are female and your sister does not have any problem.

So it is just coincidence that you recalled your past with this case news and misinterpreted some events as molestation.Otherwise nothing wrong had happened by you and nothing will happen in future also. you just need time to come out of these thoughts.

All the best and take care.

Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar