Is Obsessive Behaviour Of A Grandparent Towards Their Grandchild Normal?

Posted on Tue, 26 Jul 2016

Question: My husband insist on sleeping in the same room his granddaughter. He sleeps in the chair and she sleeps on the couch. when I put her in the bed he sits in the bedroom with her until she goes to sleep or he stays in the room as long as she is woke, if she stays awake all night he stays in the room with her. Ii this uncommon behavior?

Answered by Dr. Dr. Chintan Solanki (20 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
Need more information

Detailed Answer:
Hello,

Thanks for writing to us.

To explore your concern I need more information.

- Since when this is this happening?

- What is age of your husband ?

- Why do you feel that his behaviour is abnormal? What do you suspect?

- What is opinion of your husband, your granddaughter and your son and daughter- in -law on this matter?

I will be happy to help further after your response.

Regards,
Dr.Chintan Solanki.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Dr. Chintan Solanki (25 minutes later)

Since when this is this happening? When the child turned 9 years I told my husband that she was to big to be sleeping in the same room as him and that I would prepare a bedroom for her to sleep in. He agreed. But when the child comes over to stay with us she will not sleep in the bedroom with out her grandfather. Also, he will not let her sleep alone. If she sleeps on the couch, he's in the chair next to the couch. If she sleep in the bedroom, he's on the bench next to the bed.

- What is age of your husband ? 59

- Why do you feel that his behaviour is abnormal? What do you suspect? I don't suspect anything. I just think it's not proper for a 11 year girl to be sleeping in the same room with her grandfather with out other's being around

- What is opinion of your husband, your granddaughter and your son and daughter- in -law on this matter? He agrees with me that the child should sleep in her own bed, but when it's time for her to go to bed he goes with her and watch over her until she falls asleep. I have talked with the child and she to agrees that she should be in her own bed, because she sleep in her own be at home. I have not spoken with her parents about this issue. At first I thought the child's behavior was abnormal. But now it seems like my husband's behavior is abnormal.
I will be happy to help further after your response.

Answered by Dr. Dr. Chintan Solanki (1 hour later)

Brief Answer:
as such it is not abnomal behavior,further observation is recommended

Detailed Answer:
Hi,

Thanks for information.

We cannot say it is abnormal behavior from history.

One possibility is likely that your granddaughter is seeing him as a father figure. She wants to be with him as she might be feeling secured with him.

I recommend you should sleep with them in same bedroom. If they are convenient with your presence there will be no issue. Go for this observation and if you feel that they are not allowing doing so or they are uncomfortable particularly your husband have objection for doing so, revert back to me.

Take care.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Dr. Chintan Solanki (3 hours later)

That's the problem. They feel uncomfortable when I try to communicate with them. The child
never mengal with me or my daughter. My husband do not try to encourage her to
communicate with anyone in the house but him. He will not even let me help her with her bath.
I explained to him that because she is a girl that only I or my daughter should be assisting her with her personal needs. When i go get her to take her bath, she has already taking a bath and have her night cloths on. All of this is done when I leave the room. The child mother
is not my daughter, she is my husband daughter. My husband and I have a good relationship, but when his granddaughter comes to visit his whole demeaner changes and he and the child stays in one part of the house and I am not allowed to be with them. So if she stays with us
for 2 days, they will stay in the lower part of the house and will not communicate with anyone in the house for those two days. After she leaves he back to being a normal husband. Confusing.

Answered by Dr. Dr. Chintan Solanki (14 hours later)

Brief Answer:
yes it is confusing, child's mother should be informed

Detailed Answer:
Hi,

Thanks for further information.

It seems that something may be wrong. Such issues are not uncommon. In this case person who is nearer to child can explore the issue.
I recommend informing child's mother about the issue in light and positive manner. Take her in confidence and inform her that we should just be careful if anything is going on wrong. Mother can ask child about the issue by involving child in talk and without putting any allegation on anyone. Mother can also take help of psychologist/psychiatrist if she is not comfortable to explore the issue on her own.

Hope there will be nothing wrong.

By chance if anything wrong comes out. Consulting psychologist is the best option. Your husband should also get the treatment. He should be punished or not if found guilty depends on your family opinion as well as local laws.

Wish you good luck.

Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar