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Question: i think, i am facing anger related issue. to whom i should consult. i am living in bhatinda, XXXXXXX
Many situations happened and i raised my hand on my wife. today also such incident happened, and i will give the details to access my situation whether i need counselling with anger management councellor/doctor
Today just i said something about her dad, i was not aware that the word i said for her father was a abusive word in their language (In XXXXXXX we have many language). i said sorry, apologize many times. but she was not accepting my sorry. She felt bad, and was keep on saying that i did wrong and abused her father, but my intension was not that. And i continued with my apology. So i thought my wife was stretching the matter. and i started throwing items and showing my anger over her issue stretching nature. i could not accept that she was not willing the let the matter go.
After showing my anger we get into spat, an ugly spat which aroused me further, and with my fist of my hand i attacked her 3-4 times with both hands on her back. For the 1st time after marriage i used that much strength to beat her. Earlier also we used to fight, but i never beat her so hard.
After not exactly beating but given her blown down her back not exactly at spinal cord, i also felt bad that after some time (after cooling down). After getting normalized i realized i can definitely sotpped myself if i controlled for that moment. But that moment some pinching remarks/keyword used by my wife which aroused me soo much to raise my hand over her.
But i know this can be controlled, and my parents used to tell me to get calm... (But my wife thinks they are not controlling or calming down my anger)..
In normal time, barring these kind of moments.. We are living a very lovely life, a loving relationship. As my wife is really cute...
But during spats we two used to get angry, generally i starts the anger and she also gets involved in it.
So please read the case and advice me...
Many situations happened and i raised my hand on my wife. today also such incident happened, and i will give the details to access my situation whether i need counselling with anger management councellor/doctor
Today just i said something about her dad, i was not aware that the word i said for her father was a abusive word in their language (In XXXXXXX we have many language). i said sorry, apologize many times. but she was not accepting my sorry. She felt bad, and was keep on saying that i did wrong and abused her father, but my intension was not that. And i continued with my apology. So i thought my wife was stretching the matter. and i started throwing items and showing my anger over her issue stretching nature. i could not accept that she was not willing the let the matter go.
After showing my anger we get into spat, an ugly spat which aroused me further, and with my fist of my hand i attacked her 3-4 times with both hands on her back. For the 1st time after marriage i used that much strength to beat her. Earlier also we used to fight, but i never beat her so hard.
After not exactly beating but given her blown down her back not exactly at spinal cord, i also felt bad that after some time (after cooling down). After getting normalized i realized i can definitely sotpped myself if i controlled for that moment. But that moment some pinching remarks/keyword used by my wife which aroused me soo much to raise my hand over her.
But i know this can be controlled, and my parents used to tell me to get calm... (But my wife thinks they are not controlling or calming down my anger)..
In normal time, barring these kind of moments.. We are living a very lovely life, a loving relationship. As my wife is really cute...
But during spats we two used to get angry, generally i starts the anger and she also gets involved in it.
So please read the case and advice me...
Brief Answer:
Psychologist may be needed
Detailed Answer:
Hi
Thanks for your query.
I am Dr Vaishalee, MBBS, MD in pharmacology and also a yoga/meditation believer. I will try to help you as best as I can.
I can definitely feel your pain and anguish, when you are hurting some one you love but you are not able to control it. The good part is that you know that it is wrong and you want to improve on it.
Violence hurts physically and emotionally. It is considered a crime in most developed countries. It is definitely much more common across all societies than it is known to be. It tends to end in broken relationships and broken homes (not to mention broken bones) so it is a serious issue.
Arguments are a normal part of married life and are considered healthy for a relationship. When an argument arises, take steps to stay calm for example counting or deep breaths. Look for humour in the situation. Think that the argument will not lead you anywhere. If you feel that the argument is getting out of control, you have to step out of the room or even the house to avoid hitting. Hitting should not happen on any cost. Let small matters be small-discuss them just like you would discuss with a colleague.
Think yourself and your wife as human. No one is perfect and we all say or do things that may hurt others. Such types of behavior have to be voluntarily suppressed by the person himself. No one human can control another human.
Anger escalates in periods of stress (physical or mental). So keep checking your blood sugar and blood pressure levels. Take low salt diet. Drink cleaner water to keep infections in check. Exercise regularly and take walks. Take enough sleep at night and take a nap during daytime. Meditation and yoga helps in keeping mind healthy. It is definitely helpful in relaxing. Once your body and mind complex is healthier, your anger will come down.
Keep your relationship alive and healthy by doing things together like watching movies, walks, games, etc. Believe me, your spouse is much more important than she seems to be.
A general tip to married men--dont talk about her parents especially when she is not in good mood.
A psychologist can be consulted for therapy sessions. A short course of yoga and meditation can be taken by both. If all these steps do not help, then a psychiatrist will be able to help. He may advise behavior therapy and even anti depressants.
Hope it helps. Let me know if I can assist you further.
Dr Vaishalee
Psychologist may be needed
Detailed Answer:
Hi
Thanks for your query.
I am Dr Vaishalee, MBBS, MD in pharmacology and also a yoga/meditation believer. I will try to help you as best as I can.
I can definitely feel your pain and anguish, when you are hurting some one you love but you are not able to control it. The good part is that you know that it is wrong and you want to improve on it.
Violence hurts physically and emotionally. It is considered a crime in most developed countries. It is definitely much more common across all societies than it is known to be. It tends to end in broken relationships and broken homes (not to mention broken bones) so it is a serious issue.
Arguments are a normal part of married life and are considered healthy for a relationship. When an argument arises, take steps to stay calm for example counting or deep breaths. Look for humour in the situation. Think that the argument will not lead you anywhere. If you feel that the argument is getting out of control, you have to step out of the room or even the house to avoid hitting. Hitting should not happen on any cost. Let small matters be small-discuss them just like you would discuss with a colleague.
Think yourself and your wife as human. No one is perfect and we all say or do things that may hurt others. Such types of behavior have to be voluntarily suppressed by the person himself. No one human can control another human.
Anger escalates in periods of stress (physical or mental). So keep checking your blood sugar and blood pressure levels. Take low salt diet. Drink cleaner water to keep infections in check. Exercise regularly and take walks. Take enough sleep at night and take a nap during daytime. Meditation and yoga helps in keeping mind healthy. It is definitely helpful in relaxing. Once your body and mind complex is healthier, your anger will come down.
Keep your relationship alive and healthy by doing things together like watching movies, walks, games, etc. Believe me, your spouse is much more important than she seems to be.
A general tip to married men--dont talk about her parents especially when she is not in good mood.
A psychologist can be consulted for therapy sessions. A short course of yoga and meditation can be taken by both. If all these steps do not help, then a psychiatrist will be able to help. He may advise behavior therapy and even anti depressants.
Hope it helps. Let me know if I can assist you further.
Dr Vaishalee
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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