Brief Answer:
WHERE THERE IS LOVE AND AFFECTION, THERE IS LIFE.

Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Welcome to HCM
We understand your concerns

I went through your details. I suggest you not to worry much. The question and answer is in your details itself. Let me explain.

As you said you are not getting angry to your friends and colleagues on many occasions. Very good. You have good control over your emotions,. Let me give another example. You travel in a crowdy bus. You are struggling to be in balance. Somebody steps on your toes. You feel pain. The driver suddenly brakes the bus to a stop. You and other people sway forward. Sometimes your head and other passenger's head collides. Etc. Imagine this situation. What shall be your reaction? you do get irritated, sometimes you curse, but our emotion / irritation never goes to such an extent that we go our of control.

There are so many examples like this. Standing in a queue at a railway station for hours together, walking on the street, shopping at a busy market place, etc, etc. In all these situations we do not go beyond our control emotionally because, we are used to these circumstances and we knew "there is no use getting emotional/angry/out of control". So we just ignore happenings and emotions. (I am not ignoring circumstances where you need to react and you react. But they are very small in numbers).

But when you come to your family members, you are more outspoken, emotional, you love them, you are affectionate etc. Your love and affection towards them creates a cordial atmosphere. Such cordial atmosphere lets you vent your emotions.

Venting your emotions are always good. You let go your emotions and you feel relaxed. But you should make sure that you should cross your limits. Not their limits. Your limits.

It is not only you vent emotions towards your wife. Your wife also does. She also gets angry. That is cordial relationship. this happens where love and affections are a priority. Something which happens in every idle family. But never beyond a point where love and affection is lost. At last you are again family members and ONE.

So, THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY REGARDING YOUR PROBLEM. These are normal and these are good for your family's health, peaceful existence and future.

But, you should always restraint yourself from over reacting. That normally never happen when there is love and affection. If it happens in your case, understanding the above paragraphs shall definitely change you. You are not a single entity. You are part of family. You are family. Your family consists of you, wife and children. Relationship is ONE. Any misunderstanding/misguidance destroys whole of existence. No adjustment is needed. Just understand the essence of family life. You will learn how to live.

Observe, encourage, motivate, love and reward all your family members. Also encourage other family members to do the same. Respect each others and be respected.

LOVE AND AFFECTION IS THE KEY. WHERE THERE IS LOVE AND AFFECTION, THERE IS LIFE. All other little hassles of life are part of life. Enjoy them.

Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications.
Good luck.

Dr. K V Anand, PhD

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Brief Answer:
ego vanishes, we change, others change.

Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
I do understand the point you want to make here.
Let me try to explain..

In outside life (other than family life) With whom do we argue? why do we argue? Why we make a point and try to force it? If the point is correct / right, why we should force upon it? If the point is right, the point is automatically accepted. You can take any situation in your life to get perfect example. To make a point, you need not try to force it, just make the point. The point shall be accepted. If not, you need to change the way you present it. That is all. This is management lesson. Hope you understand this lesson as you should be aware of all those management lessons.

Such management lessons can be utilized at your home also.

As I already mentioned in my previous passage, family is consisting of husband, wife and children. Every one are responsible enough to maintain family relationship. But men wrongly consider women as irresponsible and that is one main cause of misunderstanding.

In Hindu mythology, god siva and godess parvathi are pictured as half and half in one whole body (Ardha Nari concept). Such a concept clearly indicates the role of husband and wife. Family existance is possible when both husband and wife be together... TWO BODIES AND ONE MIND.

You are entering into heated arguments with your wife because you always want to make a point which you think is 'right', but your wife thinks the point is 'wrong'. This happens because either of you are right and the other one is wrong. Understanding the basic concept of knowing the right point solves this problem. Once you understand that you are at wrong point, why argue?

Then comes ego. Ego destroys families. The best way to overcome ego is to sincerely think that your wife knows better than you. This concept is actually correct. Just compare the duties and responsibilities of your wife with your duties and responsibilities (related to family). Easily you shall understand that how highly placed your wife's status is. Respect it.

In hindu culture, ladies are compared with goddess like XXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXXXXXX etc. No men are compared with male gods. This is because age old wisdom says, ladies are much more powerful than man. They have the power to run the family. Once you accept it and respect her, you need not to know any problems related to family. You can see this phenomena in almost every families. Ladies run the family and husbands watch and help.

You shall also understand all these when you become mature enough in family life. After all, unnecessary argument and heated arguments are of no use. Once you learn this, your ego vanishes, we change, others change.

Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications.
Good luck.

Dr K V Anand PhD

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Brief Answer:
Thanks

Detailed Answer:
Thanks very much. God bless you.

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