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Question: I am a 57-year-old woman in Toronto, Canada. Seven years ago, I was diagnosed with BPD. I have a wonderful therapist. As typical for BPD, I have a deep fear of abandonment and I am constantly seeking reassurance. She tells me that I must find ways to reassure myself. However, I am embarrassed to tell her that I do not know how to do that. I know I do it in very unhealthy ways now. For example, I'll call her voicemail just to hear her voice. I'll drive past her home and constantly visit her Facebook page to reassure myself that she is still there. I would appreciate any advice on how I can reassure myself in healthier ways. Thank you, in advance, for your help.
Brief Answer:
Marsha Linehan’s Dialectical Behavior Therapy by a psychologist
Detailed Answer:
Hello
My name is Dr Muhammad Ali Rauf & i will look into your problem.
I have gone through your query and would try to help you in the best possible way. The fear of abandonment is very real and can negatively impact a relationship and even sabotage it, if you aren’t careful. It stems from prior relationships, childhood and adult, in which the person wasn’t there for you. BPD requires very careful treatment which includes:
1. Psychotherapy
2. Medical therapy
1. Psychotherapy:
It is the treatment of choice. Till now "Marsha Linehan’s Dialectical Behavior Therapy" is recommended for BPD. I would suggest you to get an appointment for a psychologist. He is specialized in such disorders and will put you on a close followup.
2. Medical therapy:
Antidepressant and anti-anxiety agents may be appropriate during particular times. These are prescription only medicines so you need to discuss with your local doctor for them.
Conclusion:
You need not to get embarrassed. It would be best to set an appointment for a psychologist. He is trained in dealing with such situations. Regular followup and behavioral therapies would help you to reduce the severity.
Hope I have answered your query. If you have any further questions I will be happy to help if not then don't forget to close the discussion and rate it.
Wishing you good health !!
Marsha Linehan’s Dialectical Behavior Therapy by a psychologist
Detailed Answer:
Hello
My name is Dr Muhammad Ali Rauf & i will look into your problem.
I have gone through your query and would try to help you in the best possible way. The fear of abandonment is very real and can negatively impact a relationship and even sabotage it, if you aren’t careful. It stems from prior relationships, childhood and adult, in which the person wasn’t there for you. BPD requires very careful treatment which includes:
1. Psychotherapy
2. Medical therapy
1. Psychotherapy:
It is the treatment of choice. Till now "Marsha Linehan’s Dialectical Behavior Therapy" is recommended for BPD. I would suggest you to get an appointment for a psychologist. He is specialized in such disorders and will put you on a close followup.
2. Medical therapy:
Antidepressant and anti-anxiety agents may be appropriate during particular times. These are prescription only medicines so you need to discuss with your local doctor for them.
Conclusion:
You need not to get embarrassed. It would be best to set an appointment for a psychologist. He is trained in dealing with such situations. Regular followup and behavioral therapies would help you to reduce the severity.
Hope I have answered your query. If you have any further questions I will be happy to help if not then don't forget to close the discussion and rate it.
Wishing you good health !!
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Dear Dr Raid: Thank you for responding to my query. I am very familiar with Marsha Linehan's work in DBT. I do see a therapist and take anti-anxiety drugs. I was specifically wanting to know what I could do reassure myself in healthy ways when i am overcome with anxiety and fears of abandonment. for example, when my therapist is out-of-town, i drive past her house and leave messages for her. i need to know how to handle this in a healthier fashion. thank you
Brief Answer:
Please see description
Detailed Answer:
Hello
First of all sorry for not focusing on that point. Secondly, my last name is Rauf and not Raid. You can overcome this feeling of abandonment but its a gradual process. Here are few important steps that may help:
- When you feel abandoned, rather than acting on the feeling, you recognize it and then rationally decide whether it is real or not real. If your partner is abandoning you, then you need to make a decision about whether you want to continue the relationship. If your partner isn't, then you need to identify the feelings as old feelings not connected to reality and then act on the reality rather than the old feelings. Eventually, the feelings will go away.
- The best and most practical way to deal with abandonment is to surround yourself with close friends and relatives that you trust.
- Try to divert your attention. When such feeling comes in your mind then try to divert it by reading some book, doing yoga, going out for a walk or have a chat with a friend. If you like cooking then go out in kitchen and make something. In this way you will gradually overpower it.
- Treat yourself with compassion. You deserve it. When you make a mistake, acknowledge the mistake without judgment, accept the pain without struggle, care about yourself, and comfort yourself.
- Try writing a diary. Whenever such fear comes in your mind then pick a pen and start writing it in words. See if that will help you in resolving it.
Hope I have answered your query. If you have any further questions I will be happy to help if not then don't forget to close the discussion and rate it.
Wishing you good health !!
Please see description
Detailed Answer:
Hello
First of all sorry for not focusing on that point. Secondly, my last name is Rauf and not Raid. You can overcome this feeling of abandonment but its a gradual process. Here are few important steps that may help:
- When you feel abandoned, rather than acting on the feeling, you recognize it and then rationally decide whether it is real or not real. If your partner is abandoning you, then you need to make a decision about whether you want to continue the relationship. If your partner isn't, then you need to identify the feelings as old feelings not connected to reality and then act on the reality rather than the old feelings. Eventually, the feelings will go away.
- The best and most practical way to deal with abandonment is to surround yourself with close friends and relatives that you trust.
- Try to divert your attention. When such feeling comes in your mind then try to divert it by reading some book, doing yoga, going out for a walk or have a chat with a friend. If you like cooking then go out in kitchen and make something. In this way you will gradually overpower it.
- Treat yourself with compassion. You deserve it. When you make a mistake, acknowledge the mistake without judgment, accept the pain without struggle, care about yourself, and comfort yourself.
- Try writing a diary. Whenever such fear comes in your mind then pick a pen and start writing it in words. See if that will help you in resolving it.
Hope I have answered your query. If you have any further questions I will be happy to help if not then don't forget to close the discussion and rate it.
Wishing you good health !!
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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