Question: I am living with a narcissist. He is my cousin. I don't have the financial means to move out right now. I work at home transcribing legal hearings, and he can't resist interrupting my work even when I tell him I am working on deadlines that are critical. I have lost one company and am on the verge of losing another because even though he wants rent, he can't resist talking about say, what an awesome Buddhist he is and if I get stressed about work deadlines, I should meditate. I have begun to suspect heavy cannabis use because he is so out of tune with his surroundings and the goings-on around him. I need to work, especially if I am going to ever move to another home where I can take on more work. Financially, he is destroying me. On other fronts, he is like a teenager in messiness, incompletion of any projects, inability to accomplish or produce anything on any level. I suspect there is an ADHD issue involved as well, but that is just a guess. He is a very dependent personality.

I can't give you a full history as I don't know everything, and it wouldn't be appropriate for me to ask him, but I can tell you some of what I know. I do know that he held the same job for many years, and he was a union negotiator. He is 62 and retired. He has a history of alcoholism but quit drinking several years ago for both medical reasons and because he got into trouble with the law (sexual assault on a male minor). So, there's another dynamic - he refers to himself as heterosexual, but he strikes me as either bisexual or XXXXXXX He has never been married and lived with his parents for most of his adult life.

Present issues also involve some hoarding and financial irresponsibility. He underwent a bankruptcy and nearly lost his house a few years ago. The family helped bail him out of the foreclosure and legal situation. Although with Social Security and pension he brings in a very livable income, he thinks he is poor, but it is largely because he spends compulsively and impulsively. He does not do the things most home-owners do such as property upkeep, mowing, house-cleaning, etc. Various members of the family visit several times a year, and they spend much of their vacations here cleaning the property and dealing with the excess, doing dump runs, donations, etc.

He procrastinates and does not do the ADLs that most adults do. What he does do often doesn't get finished, or if it does get finished, he leaves a mess, whether it be tools, garbage or dirty counters/dishes laying about. One good example is a friend stopped over when he was making a bagel and cut up a orange for breakfast. He left with the friend, leaving the uneaten breakfast laying on the counter. Another example of typical behavior is that I was preparing the cabin for several family members visiting, washing sheets and blankets. Although the washing machine was jam-packed, he snuck in some of his personal laundry and then left for the day, leaving me to deal with it. I hung it out with the bedding but told him he had to bring in his own laundry. He is very childlike in his approach to many things. If he does manage to accomplish something, he talks about it endlessly, fishing for compliments.

He also is a very inattentive driver. I will no longer ride with him as he frequently runs red lights, and we've nearly had a couple accidents -- he once pulled out into traffic without even looking to see if other vehicles were approaching, and the result was a lot of honking and screeching tires. He is also very inattentive in conversation. He tends to interrupt constantly and rarely seems to absorb what others are talking about -- he will often cut in with a completely unrelated subject.

So those are just some examples of his common behaviors. I do know he has been diagnosed with anxiety and possibly also depression. I have nothing against occasional recreational use of cannabis, but I do not approve of it as a psychiatric med or a lifestyle. (I never smoke it myself.) I do think he's traded in one addiction (alcoholism) for another. I have wondered if the sexual dynamic (being closeted) has also played into some of the psychiatric issues. The overspending has always been a problem as it is a common subject amongst the family and results in much frustration as it causes them a lot of work and has cost them financially as well. I think that's all I can tell you, but it's certainly a lot that may be playing into all these issues. Thank you.