Question: I was severy sexualy, physically and emotionally abuses from the time I was 3years old until 1month before I was 13. My mom walked in on my father at that time and called the police, before the police arrived she asked me who else had done anything to me; I told her the my grandpa. At this point in my life I had been threated by both my dad and grandfather, my dad would take me out of school and take me to a remote area and make me dig my own grave and then tell me another day! My mom went with me to the police station and sat with me as the police ased me questions about what each of them did to me. She did not say anything when they asked about my grandpa, but as soon as I said anything about my dad she started to scream at me. They arrested my dad, but my mom asked how she could get him out of jail--they told her that I would have to be out of the house and she would have to pay the bail to get him releases. At this time I lived in Oregan, but I am origanally from Utah. My mom but my on a plane to go home to Utah and I was never asked another question regarding what happend again. I lived with my mom's parents for about 7-8 months and then my mom, dad and siblings showed up and acted like nothing was wrong. But, I was treated like the devil that ruined everyones happy little family! My father soon started visiting my room in the middle of the night. So I told my mom and found myself on a unplaned trip going to Oregon this time. In the middle of the summer I recieved a phone call from a detective in Utah asking me what my Dad had done. I told him and he said that he would meet me the first day of school and not to tell anyone that I talked to him. The first day of school I meet the detective and a Social Worker. I was taken into Protective Custody and put into a Safe House for 4 months, then into a Foster Home then into a Group home. I found out that my mother had helped my dad get off and that she lied and made up stories about me, my dad was only sentenced to 3 years of probation and this time they had no Idea were he was. Since he wanted me dead and my mom was not cooperating with them they moved me everytime they thought she figured out were I was. Finally, I was allowed to go home to live with my mom, 2 sisters and my dads mom. I was almost 15 years old. I never said anything to my mom about what I was told or the documents they showed me. I knew If I said anything she would help my dad kill me. She wanted me out of the way. Right away she asked me to run away, so that she did not have to deal with the State of Utah, but I had no were to go. So, she came up with even a better plan--she would marry me off. Anyone who looked at me, she offered me too them. I worked full time and went to school full time. My mom just sat at my grandma's house looking for any opportunity to get rid of me. I had went to modeling school, did several modeling jobs and so, she thought lets go there, but I had seen several girls get themselves into too much trouble and the Agency I was working with pulled me aside and warned me about the things my mother was thinking. I kept making excusses, I would not put on makeup, do my hair, at work I put on a fake wedding ring and told men that I was already married and to leave me alone. But, finaly late one night I told my two little sister I would buy them a special treat after work. My mom picked me up and we went to the 7-11 and I walked in and purchased them their treats and got a few other things. My mom noticed a man watching me and asked if he wanted my phone number, but I told him I was too young, but he took the number and called and called. My mom finally told him that we lived right around the corner from him and that I worked so much that he would never get intouch with me. So, she set up a date for me. He was actually 4 years older than me and my mother told him when he picked me up that she did not mind if he had sex with me that night. I did not hear the conversation, but he told me later. He XXXXXXX out to be quite nice and my mother asked he the next time he came if he would consider marrying me. He told her yes. I was married 4 months later. At first I did not have a problem having sex with my new husband, my mom and dad were in Oregon and far away, I felt safe. But, soon they returned and I was afraid. I told my husband what happened to me and he forbid my mom and dad to ever come to our house. But, whenever I saw my siblings I felt sorry for them and I could not turn my back on them, my husband did not understand, but I kept in contact with them, I took food to them, I looked out for them. But, I have been married for almost 24 years and almost 15 years ago my husband and I made a dicision to move away from our families mostly because my dad was threatning to kill me and my three children. He made calls to our house, to my husband, he used my siblings to get messages to me and my mom. My mom and him divorced shortly after I was married. But I still did not tell her that I knew what she did. We have lived 400 miles away from all of our family for the past 15-16 years and 6 years ago I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had to go to were our family lives to get Brain Surgery. We have 3 children and the morning of my surgery our daughter who was 16, my husband and my mom was at the hospital. My husband was talking to me alone right before I went into surgery and my daughter was with my mom. While I was in surgery, my husband and my mom were screaming and yelling at each other. My mom told our daughter that she told my dad were I was, what room I was going to be in and the phone number to the hospital, so that he could visit me. Our daughter was so afraid she was crying and ran to her dad, and told her everything that my mom just said to her. My husband had to warn the staff that only certain individuals were aloud into my room and had to have my mom escorted off the hospital groudns, because she keept on yelling at my husband and telling him that one day he will kill her! After I was released from the hospital, my husband took me to my mom's house and I told her that she is never to tell my dad anything about me again, never to talk to him about me, my children or even my dog. My mom handed me a package filled with my dads information regardig his trial. It was enough information to get him on the Sex Offenders Registrly for life, but my husband had to use the information with a friend of his that was on a special task force to get it into the right hands. I was trying to recover from Brain cancer and had to relearn how to do many things over; including how to talk, type, spell, everything...there are many things I still can not remember how to do. But, it took 3 years to get my dad on the Sex Offenders List permanatly, I had to basically go back and retell an officer and victims advicate exactly what he did to me and find out why he was not charged with rape. My grandfather was charghed with rape and sentenced to 10 years in an Oregon Prison--he died 4 years into his sentence. Now I am having a hard time even thinking about having sex with my husband, at first he thought it was the Brain Surgery and it did change me. I do things differently, I sign my name differently, I smile differently, I don't feel like the same person. I cry more, I feel like I have lost the good parts of me and am left with the broken parts. He cannot stand to see me cry, I keep a journal and sometimes I will go back and read what I wrote and it makes me cry to think that I actually wrote that down. I feel like I could live without sex for the rest of my life, but my husband would not be happy. I don't know what happened to me...If it was the brain surgery...or just reliving everything these past 3-4 years. I just have this block up and I don't know how to take it down. I have nightmares about what has happened to me, but I have always had nightmares. Why is it bothering me now...in order for me to feel comfortable with my husband I have to take some of my nighttime medications in order to make me feel like I can trust him not to hurt me.