Brief Answer:
Please provide some details about the problem

Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for asking from HCM for your health related queries

I can understand your concern but I need some more information on their relationship so that I can comment and can advise you. Both are now in their 4th decade and have significant relationship problem.

You have mentioned that there was some personal part touching problem happened when they were very young. If you can describe this in detail then it would be better.

Please also mention the family status and any relationship status of both of them individually. What are they doing, where are they staying, their education and job etc. Also mention if they have any significant issues related to money or have any difference in status.

Mention what are the main issues they are having currently?

Thanks, Take care.

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Brief Answer:
Try to find out main issues between them.

Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for providing details

From the information you provided I would like to tell you that the incident what happened during their young years doesn't carry much significance considering their problem. Such type of mild sexual play are common in children at that age and a lot of children do such things without getting caught.

Now if we think main issues in their relationship then one thing is that younger one is well doing and have wife with good job and personality. Older one is single, living alone and has not a very good job. That disparity is one of main reason that is currently resulting the difference between them, as per my opinion. If you want to involve them in a get together then in such case first of all talk directly with older one and try to make him agree on that thing. This would reduce chances of any problem like unconscious sense of inferiority. Once he get agree then talk to younger one and then try to talk with him directly. If you face any problem in making them together then talk to them repeatedly over phone. You are mother of both of them and you can ask them anything directly. Talk to each one and try to find out main issues between them apart from what we are assuming. This would take a lot of patience and time but ultimately you can find out the problem.

Once any issue is found then try to resolve it. Don't go very fast at that step. Don't feel that younger one wife is controlling, instead try to show your presence.

Thanks, I hope this helps you to some extent. Please feel free to ask again in follow up, or if you want to clarify anything.

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Brief Answer:
Remain relaxed and talk to them assertively

Detailed Answer:
Hello again and thanks for asking a follow up question

Yes as per my opinion it was not right thing for her to call him because the problem is between your sons. You should not say anything to her regarding this, but you can discuss this thing with your son. Even if she did this thing in good will still its better that the problem should be resolved by your sons only.

In my opinion talk to you son regarding this. He can ask his wife to not to talk with other son regarding the problem.

You have not talked with children but now its time, you have to talk. First of all try to built a platform or better a rapport so that they start discussing their problems in front of you. Talk to them separately and try to find out what problem each one is having. Once the problem is unrevealed then it would be easier for you to approach further.

So if we summarise in steps then

Talk to them in general matter/build a platform to talk and build a rapport

Once you start talking them on general matters try to talk with them on day to day personal matters

Try to talk to them about any problems they are facing

After these steps proceed further. Ask each one directly about the problem between them

Once problem is found then try to resolve it. Even if this require both of them to sit together and talk, try to arrange for a gathering.

As per my opinion this should result in improvement of the problems you are facing.

Please remain relaxed and don't let this problem to alter your behaviour. Remain confident and talk assertively and you will see improvement in their relationship.

Thanks, Still have some doubts please ask again.

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