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Suggest Ways To Counteract The Feeling Of Dissatisfaction During Intercourse
Question: Dear Doctor,
My married relationship is in need of professional guidance for dealing with psychological and attitude differences between myself and my wife.
Personal details are:-
- I am a 33 yrs old, male from XXXXXXX
- My wife is 25 years old.
- marriage life is 1.5 yrs old.
- it is a love marriage, and I did not have this problem with her earlier before marriage.
- We both are working professionals.
- Our lifestyle is good and satisfactory, full filling all our basic necessities and luxury.
Note: the following issue points pertains only to issues related with sex and intimacy between myself and my wife. Not normal everyday life.
The issue is as follows :-
- during sex, i get attracted to my wife only in particular attire. Eg. XXXXXXX traditional clothes with bangles or western formals with a good professional look. I am a person, who also likes bondage sex at times.
- on the other side, my wife disagrees to the fact of wearing only the attire that attracts me. Although she is well aware of the above point, each time I request her to wear what I like, She claims that... 'if I love her, then I should get attracted to her during sex in anything she wears. She also says that she is not a maniquene. She always says... That I won't change for anyone in this world. I am what I am'. In fact she absolutely denies to wear what I like most of the times.
- she also claims that I must have sensitive feelings during sex... Like emotional bonding and love.
The reality is... I definitely have love and lots of affection for her when it come to normal lifestyle. But during sex, I am predominantly focused on her appearance and aesthetics. Whereas she enjoys sex with more emotional aspects.
- she is asking me to change my likings now. I really don't know how this is possible. How can someone start liking something that he hates.? She has been very stubborn since last 1.5years and have rarely worn what I like. And she expects me to love her with this stubborn attitude. After extensive explanation to her, and reasoning out with her for hours, with many loud fights at home, now she has started saying that we both can try and work out something. But she is still adamant on asking me to change my liking, and she will try to change her obstinate attitude.
She feels if she changes her attire, then she is changing herself, and she feels that is not the right thing.
She expects me to like her the way she is... But how do I change my taste??? Pls help!!!
She is very very very very stubborn. This is keeping me in stress and anxiety all the time. At Times during fights, she also says that if I only want sex due to physical attraction, then I can go and do it outside in a brothel.
I am not an individual who would like to have such relationships with other outside girls. Hence, i don't even think from that angle. Now, with a wife is like this, what do I do? I really feel troubled and feel. That it is very unfair. Sometimes I feel that she is misusing her position as a wife in this relationship.
Pls help....!
My sole purpose of writing all this is to have a happy married life.
My married relationship is in need of professional guidance for dealing with psychological and attitude differences between myself and my wife.
Personal details are:-
- I am a 33 yrs old, male from XXXXXXX
- My wife is 25 years old.
- marriage life is 1.5 yrs old.
- it is a love marriage, and I did not have this problem with her earlier before marriage.
- We both are working professionals.
- Our lifestyle is good and satisfactory, full filling all our basic necessities and luxury.
Note: the following issue points pertains only to issues related with sex and intimacy between myself and my wife. Not normal everyday life.
The issue is as follows :-
- during sex, i get attracted to my wife only in particular attire. Eg. XXXXXXX traditional clothes with bangles or western formals with a good professional look. I am a person, who also likes bondage sex at times.
- on the other side, my wife disagrees to the fact of wearing only the attire that attracts me. Although she is well aware of the above point, each time I request her to wear what I like, She claims that... 'if I love her, then I should get attracted to her during sex in anything she wears. She also says that she is not a maniquene. She always says... That I won't change for anyone in this world. I am what I am'. In fact she absolutely denies to wear what I like most of the times.
- she also claims that I must have sensitive feelings during sex... Like emotional bonding and love.
The reality is... I definitely have love and lots of affection for her when it come to normal lifestyle. But during sex, I am predominantly focused on her appearance and aesthetics. Whereas she enjoys sex with more emotional aspects.
- she is asking me to change my likings now. I really don't know how this is possible. How can someone start liking something that he hates.? She has been very stubborn since last 1.5years and have rarely worn what I like. And she expects me to love her with this stubborn attitude. After extensive explanation to her, and reasoning out with her for hours, with many loud fights at home, now she has started saying that we both can try and work out something. But she is still adamant on asking me to change my liking, and she will try to change her obstinate attitude.
She feels if she changes her attire, then she is changing herself, and she feels that is not the right thing.
She expects me to like her the way she is... But how do I change my taste??? Pls help!!!
She is very very very very stubborn. This is keeping me in stress and anxiety all the time. At Times during fights, she also says that if I only want sex due to physical attraction, then I can go and do it outside in a brothel.
I am not an individual who would like to have such relationships with other outside girls. Hence, i don't even think from that angle. Now, with a wife is like this, what do I do? I really feel troubled and feel. That it is very unfair. Sometimes I feel that she is misusing her position as a wife in this relationship.
Pls help....!
My sole purpose of writing all this is to have a happy married life.
Brief Answer:
Marital discord
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Thank you for your query. I can understand your concerns.
The important part of marriage is healthy sexual life and it maintains a stable bond.However for successful marriage life relationship is bilateral and mutual understanding with each other. Each of one of the couple has to adjust oneself to other.If you are in love with your wife ,you have to submit to your partner's wishes-particularly fair half.I feel,you as husband has to reconsider yourself and try to come to an adjustment ,even if that means some sacrifice.Once you adjust ,she is likely to fall in line sooner or later. For the time being ,I feel you do whatever your better half prefers,not the other way round.You will be surprised,things will fall in place eventually.After all the issue is not a major one and can be sorted out.
Regards
Dr. T.K. Biswas M.D. XXXXXXX
Marital discord
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Thank you for your query. I can understand your concerns.
The important part of marriage is healthy sexual life and it maintains a stable bond.However for successful marriage life relationship is bilateral and mutual understanding with each other. Each of one of the couple has to adjust oneself to other.If you are in love with your wife ,you have to submit to your partner's wishes-particularly fair half.I feel,you as husband has to reconsider yourself and try to come to an adjustment ,even if that means some sacrifice.Once you adjust ,she is likely to fall in line sooner or later. For the time being ,I feel you do whatever your better half prefers,not the other way round.You will be surprised,things will fall in place eventually.After all the issue is not a major one and can be sorted out.
Regards
Dr. T.K. Biswas M.D. XXXXXXX
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Nagamani Ng
I am ready to adjust. But... She is asking me to change my natural tendency of likings.
Even if I want to do that, how do I do it?
Is this fair from her end?
Even if I want to do that, how do I do it?
Is this fair from her end?
Brief Answer:
Marital discord
Detailed Answer:
One way to win her back (you did not have problem with her earlier before marriage) is to take her to a Mall or Good Emporium and buy her expensive XXXXXXX or traditional clothes for that matter or jewelry. Money will talk.Money works.
For her not to change -whether it is fair or not , it is a bit difficult to say at the moment as she may change eventually.After all women are psychologically different from men.It is said men (XX) are from XXXXXXX and Women (XY) are from Venus.Even our sages could not understand women fully and expressed their inability to do so in ancient texts.Women baffled them also.
Regards
Dr. T.K. Biswas M.D. XXXXXXX
Marital discord
Detailed Answer:
One way to win her back (you did not have problem with her earlier before marriage) is to take her to a Mall or Good Emporium and buy her expensive XXXXXXX or traditional clothes for that matter or jewelry. Money will talk.Money works.
For her not to change -whether it is fair or not , it is a bit difficult to say at the moment as she may change eventually.After all women are psychologically different from men.It is said men (XX) are from XXXXXXX and Women (XY) are from Venus.Even our sages could not understand women fully and expressed their inability to do so in ancient texts.Women baffled them also.
Regards
Dr. T.K. Biswas M.D. XXXXXXX
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Vaishalee Punj
Please throw light on the below aspect.
When sex is concerned, ... Is it true that men focus more on visual aesthetics of the female, whereas females are more oriented towards emotional bonding and feelings?
When sex is concerned, ... Is it true that men focus more on visual aesthetics of the female, whereas females are more oriented towards emotional bonding and feelings?
Brief Answer:
Sexuality
Detailed Answer:
As Sigmund Freud ,famous Austrian neurologist and the founder of psychoanalysis observes...
With man’s adoption of an erect posture in evolution,there has been devaluation of olfactory stimuli and visual stimuli have become paramount and sexual excitation increases as genitals become visible. Visual impressions remain the most frequent pathway along which libidinal excitation is aroused; indeed, natural selection counts upon the accessibility of this pathway - when it encourages the development of beauty in the sexual object.Attraction to female increases even more as she is aesthetically appealing.Colorful clothes,jewelry are only adjuvants. The progressive concealment of the body (by clothes or whatever ) which goes along with civilization keeps sexual curiosity awake.A man, after all, has only one leading sexual zone, one sexual organ, whereas a woman has two: the vagina - the female organ proper - and the clitoris, which is analogous to the male organ.
Women represent the interests of the family (needs bonding) and of sexual life.The work of civilization has become increasingly the business of men and woman finds herself forced into the background with substantial restrictions by the claims of civilization and display their retarding and restraining influence.Hence women love emotional bonding and deeper feelings. Woman has bonding in her nature, as she cannot leave her newborn for physiological reasons. In a civilized society men has more constant association with other men and compels them to carry out instinctual sublimations of which women are little capable of.
Regards
Dr. T.K. Biswas M.D. XXXXXXX
Sexuality
Detailed Answer:
As Sigmund Freud ,famous Austrian neurologist and the founder of psychoanalysis observes...
With man’s adoption of an erect posture in evolution,there has been devaluation of olfactory stimuli and visual stimuli have become paramount and sexual excitation increases as genitals become visible. Visual impressions remain the most frequent pathway along which libidinal excitation is aroused; indeed, natural selection counts upon the accessibility of this pathway - when it encourages the development of beauty in the sexual object.Attraction to female increases even more as she is aesthetically appealing.Colorful clothes,jewelry are only adjuvants. The progressive concealment of the body (by clothes or whatever ) which goes along with civilization keeps sexual curiosity awake.A man, after all, has only one leading sexual zone, one sexual organ, whereas a woman has two: the vagina - the female organ proper - and the clitoris, which is analogous to the male organ.
Women represent the interests of the family (needs bonding) and of sexual life.The work of civilization has become increasingly the business of men and woman finds herself forced into the background with substantial restrictions by the claims of civilization and display their retarding and restraining influence.Hence women love emotional bonding and deeper feelings. Woman has bonding in her nature, as she cannot leave her newborn for physiological reasons. In a civilized society men has more constant association with other men and compels them to carry out instinctual sublimations of which women are little capable of.
Regards
Dr. T.K. Biswas M.D. XXXXXXX
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Prasad
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