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Suggest Ways To Deal With An Angry And Unreasonable Husband

Posted on Tue, 7 Apr 2015

Question: This is my second relationship. My first husband passed away ten years ago. We grew up together and were married for thirty years. Now I am with someone who haD promised to not stray after doing so twice...........I gave him a third chance............i have strayed from my family who seems to not care about me since staying with him........my partner gets very angry with me when I try to talk about possibly seeing them again and will take no responsibility in my drifting from them.........I am tormented by both sides.........................

I was alway close with my family until being widowed @ 53. HAD A GOOD SOLID MARRIAGE. THIS RELATIONSHIP IS FOUR YEARS OF LOVE AND HATE. NOW LIVING TOGETHER FOR ONE YEAR AND A HALF. HOWEVER HE WAS UNFAITHFUL TO ME TWICE NO THREE TIMES. MY FAMILY KNOW OF THE TWO AND ARE TRYING THEIR BEST TO UNDERSTND WHY I WOULD DO THIS. MY PARTNERS STATED IT IS THEIR PROBLEM AND THEY SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH ME IF I AM HAPPY. THE TRUE QUESTION IS AM I HAPPY WITH AM MAN THAT HAS DONE THAT AND STILL YELLS AT ME AND CAN BELITTLE ME AT TIMES..........DO I REALLYLOVE HIM.........I DO NOT KNOW..........I WANT A GOOD HEALTHY LIFE THATS ALL AND LOVE FROM MY FAMILY AGAIN.........WHAT DO I DO?

Answered by Dr. Shubham Mehta (27 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
make a bold decision; choose your side.

Detailed Answer:
Hello
Welcome to HealthcareMagic.

Sorry to hear about sad demise of your ex-husband.

I can understand that you are in a tough situation.

Life can be so weird sometimes that we fail to understand what it brings to us. The stronger we keep ourselves, the better we can handle the challenges of life.

I have some suggestions for you which you might find helpful to deal with this difficult situation in your life:

1. Do not show him how attached you are to him emotionally and need him. Let him feel that you are not dependent on him in any way.

2. Stay confident. This will allow you to remain calm in the midst of an argument.

3. Realize your importance and self-respect. You have your own life and You deserve the best in this life. Find time for yourself other then him.

4. Ignore his tantrums.Walk away and leave the place, or give a deaf ear to his comments. Never initiate an argument from your side.

5. Do not trust his words at first since he has betrayed you in past. Go with your judgement and common sense.

6. Most importantly, choose the side (between your partner and your family) which you think loves you more. Its better to quit a relationship in which you feel tormented.

7. When such questions like 'DO I LOVE HIM' start arising in mind, this means you are just trying to carry on with the relationship without any real love. This is the time when you have to take a bold decision in life.

Hope you find these suggestions helpful.

I will be happy to help, if you more issues to discuss.

Take care.
Thanks.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Prasad

Follow up: Dr. Shubham Mehta (13 hours later)

Thank you for your reply...........it is difficult now as I have to pack up or leave...move to where I do not know. my lease is not over yet. i asked him to leave several times over the past year and one half and he refuses. The police cannot throw him out unless I say he has hurt me physically. This is a difficult decision for me............i have to figure it out before I lose it myself.
there is no more counselling we have done that already....his family loves me and my family loves me but doesn't really care for him......i know same old same old..........thanks again for your words.

Answered by Dr. Shubham Mehta (21 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
take a decision before its too late.

Detailed Answer:
Happy that you find words helpful.

I can understand that this is a difficult decision for you.

But keeping the whole scenario in mind, you have to take some tough decisions before its too late.

Peace of mind is of utmost importance. You have a life. You have all rights to live happily and peacefully. Do not let him ride over you, control you.

Turn to your family. Involve them in your life. Seek their support in whatever decisions you take.

If possible, consider legal separation.

I wish you a happy and healthy life.

Feel free to discuss further if you wish. I am always available to help you in all possible ways.

Take care.

Thanks.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

Follow up: Dr. Shubham Mehta (3 hours later)

Yes this is a very difficult position.........I am torn between the two.

Answered by Dr. Shubham Mehta (31 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
choose the one who loves you.

Detailed Answer:
Quite difficult but you have to choose between the two.

I would suggest you to choose the one who, you think, really loves you.

This would make your life peaceful.

I understand it is easier said then done. But this has to be done.

Hope you gather the courage and confidence take all the tough decisions of your life.

Thanks.

Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar