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What Causes A Sudden Social Isolation, Homosexuality And Anxiety?
Question: Dear esteemed doctors,
I am elder brother to the person about whom I am discussing this case.
My younger brother is a 31 yr old doctor (MBBS) and working with government hospital. He is the last sibling among four of us; there are two elder sisters married well and settled. Me and my parents stayed in different city and my younger brother stayed and working in different city.
His personality:
1. He is quite an outspoken and social guy with popular among his circle and quite an active person; his circle includes boys and girls too. He was logical, crack jokes wanted to be and stay connected well with family and friends. He was quite an organised/focussed kind of person.
2. In different phases of his life he does met with girls too where there were some connections to certain extent but later didn’t work out as he avoids possessive and obsessive behaviour.
3. After +2, mostly he stayed outside but still we have been connected well with family and friends.
4. Since last 8-9 months we all family members and got the similar response from his friends about feeling of sudden social withdrawal from him as he stops calling/receiving calls if he picks he talks like a stranger and eager to close conversation at the earliest which were alarming to us.
5. Since XXXXXXX 2015 when he starts working he use to occupy a single room where he stays alone (as it’s his nature of not being comfortable with unknown persons so he preferred living alone) later September 2015 he met with a person who is B.Tech with whom he met thru some common friend; so it was just 8-9 months old friendship.
6. 10 days back I came here to his place to see what exactly is the reason for his sudden changed behaviour and found his total room is a mess nothing is there on its place AND that my brother is emotionally-extremely deeply attached to this person/new friend to the extent that he cares him like a lover in the sense the way he communicates his gestures tone all are changed when he is around else while talking to me I can feel he is the same old guy.
7. I found him one day engaged with sexual activity with this new friend and I purposefully realised them that I saw them engaged. Later very patiently and like a friend I counsel/talk to them one-by-one and my brother disclosed which is thoroughly unnatural and illogical on his part he says ‘he is more attracted towards male since his early age’ ‘I want to lead my life with that new friend and can’t see my life without him’ which is thoroughly wrong we saw him having girl friends and responding to all those younger age attractions towards female and later in his college too he got girl friends where till XXXXXXX 2016 he was in connected with whom he seems to be serious too as he discuss/share most of the things of his life from me too since early days. He also tried justifying his stands by saying ‘there is no guarantee in any relationship you got married to a gal but got divorce so what is a problem in my relation’; despite knowing the fact that my wife is a suffering from multiple personality disorder and this fact was hided by their family and this was the reason for the divorce.
8. His new friend personality is weak body-mind emotionally 100% dependent on my younger brother he working hour is 4am to 3pm; its my brother who wakes him up early morning make tea prepare him for office which affect my brother’s sleep at large. New friend is very inert in the sense he doesn’t share things a lot but he carry all the gestures and tone of a person like a XXXXXXX He controls my brother emotionally by withdrawing sudden contact with my brother where my brother goes unrest/anxiety and when they meet my brother use to have a discussion about it which his friend enjoys.
9. When I had a session with his new friend one to one, he said two things about my brother that my brother is obsessed about him and emotionally very close/over caring to him and always want to guide –direct-control preach things and try to convince him all the time on various topics. But as new friends personality is of not responding strongly and putting his opinion on anything he accepts all and everything what my brother says or does. He accepted the fact that he since his childhood attracted towards male and not feeling comfortable the company of females when he came in contact of my brother he get close to him day by day and starts putting restrictions on his phone calls to his friends and family and also objected whenever my brother talks to his girlfriends as this new friend doesn’t feel OK and gets irritated with my brother’s social life; he wanted just to be with him all the time. Lastly he mentioned my brother is not like that but he tends and tried to be someone who actually he is not.
10. Today I am still here with my brother and this new friend in his room and saw some watsapp messages where this new friend disclosed our discussion to my younger brother and constantly trying to put my brother in that zone.
Now Sir, I being the elder brother; after my all counselling to both they are continuing the same gesture behaviour infront of me and trying to be normal which they are not; my brother is insecure/ he is loud and trying to enact to be happy with his friend but has lot of differences within, in public places too he is very caring and controlling towards his friend though out day and night he chats with him and gets uneasy when his friend is not around. I have seen a sign of rebel as well if things are not shaping up as per his expectation this all are taking his focus away from his PG preparation, social life family and all. His life is confined to new friend only.
Now seeing the urgency and demand of situation, I continued my stay here and took a decision of making a shift to his place with my parents stay together engage him with certain sports activity-have a proper life style, engage his friend’s father and talk to him regarding his sons behaviour and slowly try to dis-associate with his friend WHICH I KNOW WONT BE SO EASY AS ON TODAY.
PLs. GUIDE n HELP.
I am elder brother to the person about whom I am discussing this case.
My younger brother is a 31 yr old doctor (MBBS) and working with government hospital. He is the last sibling among four of us; there are two elder sisters married well and settled. Me and my parents stayed in different city and my younger brother stayed and working in different city.
His personality:
1. He is quite an outspoken and social guy with popular among his circle and quite an active person; his circle includes boys and girls too. He was logical, crack jokes wanted to be and stay connected well with family and friends. He was quite an organised/focussed kind of person.
2. In different phases of his life he does met with girls too where there were some connections to certain extent but later didn’t work out as he avoids possessive and obsessive behaviour.
3. After +2, mostly he stayed outside but still we have been connected well with family and friends.
4. Since last 8-9 months we all family members and got the similar response from his friends about feeling of sudden social withdrawal from him as he stops calling/receiving calls if he picks he talks like a stranger and eager to close conversation at the earliest which were alarming to us.
5. Since XXXXXXX 2015 when he starts working he use to occupy a single room where he stays alone (as it’s his nature of not being comfortable with unknown persons so he preferred living alone) later September 2015 he met with a person who is B.Tech with whom he met thru some common friend; so it was just 8-9 months old friendship.
6. 10 days back I came here to his place to see what exactly is the reason for his sudden changed behaviour and found his total room is a mess nothing is there on its place AND that my brother is emotionally-extremely deeply attached to this person/new friend to the extent that he cares him like a lover in the sense the way he communicates his gestures tone all are changed when he is around else while talking to me I can feel he is the same old guy.
7. I found him one day engaged with sexual activity with this new friend and I purposefully realised them that I saw them engaged. Later very patiently and like a friend I counsel/talk to them one-by-one and my brother disclosed which is thoroughly unnatural and illogical on his part he says ‘he is more attracted towards male since his early age’ ‘I want to lead my life with that new friend and can’t see my life without him’ which is thoroughly wrong we saw him having girl friends and responding to all those younger age attractions towards female and later in his college too he got girl friends where till XXXXXXX 2016 he was in connected with whom he seems to be serious too as he discuss/share most of the things of his life from me too since early days. He also tried justifying his stands by saying ‘there is no guarantee in any relationship you got married to a gal but got divorce so what is a problem in my relation’; despite knowing the fact that my wife is a suffering from multiple personality disorder and this fact was hided by their family and this was the reason for the divorce.
8. His new friend personality is weak body-mind emotionally 100% dependent on my younger brother he working hour is 4am to 3pm; its my brother who wakes him up early morning make tea prepare him for office which affect my brother’s sleep at large. New friend is very inert in the sense he doesn’t share things a lot but he carry all the gestures and tone of a person like a XXXXXXX He controls my brother emotionally by withdrawing sudden contact with my brother where my brother goes unrest/anxiety and when they meet my brother use to have a discussion about it which his friend enjoys.
9. When I had a session with his new friend one to one, he said two things about my brother that my brother is obsessed about him and emotionally very close/over caring to him and always want to guide –direct-control preach things and try to convince him all the time on various topics. But as new friends personality is of not responding strongly and putting his opinion on anything he accepts all and everything what my brother says or does. He accepted the fact that he since his childhood attracted towards male and not feeling comfortable the company of females when he came in contact of my brother he get close to him day by day and starts putting restrictions on his phone calls to his friends and family and also objected whenever my brother talks to his girlfriends as this new friend doesn’t feel OK and gets irritated with my brother’s social life; he wanted just to be with him all the time. Lastly he mentioned my brother is not like that but he tends and tried to be someone who actually he is not.
10. Today I am still here with my brother and this new friend in his room and saw some watsapp messages where this new friend disclosed our discussion to my younger brother and constantly trying to put my brother in that zone.
Now Sir, I being the elder brother; after my all counselling to both they are continuing the same gesture behaviour infront of me and trying to be normal which they are not; my brother is insecure/ he is loud and trying to enact to be happy with his friend but has lot of differences within, in public places too he is very caring and controlling towards his friend though out day and night he chats with him and gets uneasy when his friend is not around. I have seen a sign of rebel as well if things are not shaping up as per his expectation this all are taking his focus away from his PG preparation, social life family and all. His life is confined to new friend only.
Now seeing the urgency and demand of situation, I continued my stay here and took a decision of making a shift to his place with my parents stay together engage him with certain sports activity-have a proper life style, engage his friend’s father and talk to him regarding his sons behaviour and slowly try to dis-associate with his friend WHICH I KNOW WONT BE SO EASY AS ON TODAY.
PLs. GUIDE n HELP.
Brief Answer:
Relationship issues
Detailed Answer:
hello
Thanks for using Health care Magic for posting your query.
Lets get some things straight. Your brother is either XXXXXXX (homosexual) or a bisexual. Now being a homosexual is not a medical problem and is considered a normal sexual behaviour in the view of psychiatry and science. It seems your brother is having relationship issues and over dependence in his friend. cause of this stress if building up and he might even be in the phase of depression. Like any relationship, even a homosexual relationship can have ego issues and adjustment issues.
What we should do is
1) Get him and his friend enrolled in a couple therapy/marital therapy to get their issues sorted.
2) Get the counselling planned for both the parents to discuss the aspects of homosexuality and make the parents accept the reality.
Now these sessions have o be conducted by a clinical psychologist who is trained to handle these issues.
Hope this helps,
In case if you have any further query, do let me know.
Kind regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy MD
Relationship issues
Detailed Answer:
hello
Thanks for using Health care Magic for posting your query.
Lets get some things straight. Your brother is either XXXXXXX (homosexual) or a bisexual. Now being a homosexual is not a medical problem and is considered a normal sexual behaviour in the view of psychiatry and science. It seems your brother is having relationship issues and over dependence in his friend. cause of this stress if building up and he might even be in the phase of depression. Like any relationship, even a homosexual relationship can have ego issues and adjustment issues.
What we should do is
1) Get him and his friend enrolled in a couple therapy/marital therapy to get their issues sorted.
2) Get the counselling planned for both the parents to discuss the aspects of homosexuality and make the parents accept the reality.
Now these sessions have o be conducted by a clinical psychologist who is trained to handle these issues.
Hope this helps,
In case if you have any further query, do let me know.
Kind regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy MD
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Nagamani Ng
Followup qwery I
Dr. Srikanth:
Appreciate your views in brief.
a) Is this homosexual behaviour develops since childhood or youth or can develop at any stage of life to anyone? (Say: If he got married and later sometime down the line 1-2 yr, it may develop-Is it possible and justified clinically?).
In his case he never showed such behaviour till 30 yrs. of age; his behaviour and thought process changed just last year when he came in contact of his friend.
b) My parents are 75 yr old and heart patient couldn’t engage them in this whole process as it may be like a shock to them at this stage. Shall I make an attempt to engage his friends parents as may be they too would be unaware of his act/sexual-behaviour/orientation (Both of them have lost their life/academic/career goals and all the time they were engaged with themselves) and also his friend have a view like he can leave him anytime and he would be comfortable with it BUT my brother is quite possessive about him.
Possibly their parent may come and take his friend back home get him engaged with his higher studies and all and may things improve in future similarly I can engage my brother with something and also can plan his marriage to get an encounter with female and might possible his sexual orientation and his thought process would change (He says I would accept your decision but it may affect other people life’s too).
c) My brother in one of his watsapp chat mentioned ‘Yes I am a sex addict and you have to be with it’; as mentioned his friend never rebut my brothers opinion and act 100% according to his demand which I see as a compulsive behaviour and a relationship which is on tip of mine which may explode at any time.
d) When things goes in accordance with my brother he is very happy and respond accordingly but if someone varies his opinion or act or tried to suggest/advice him; despite seeing things logically what is right and wrong he immediate reacts very negatively.
e) What should be my future course of action:
i. Shall I engage my brother’s friend family call them up to take care of his son?
ii. Shall I make my brother make a shift to different accommodation-location change and all family stay together to change his life style/
iii. Shall I make arrangement for getting him married to a compatible girl?
iv. OR shall I initiate with counselling sessions first with psychologist as suggested; which I know he wouldn’t be taking it positively: I suggested them to do so but they ignored.
v. Please guide me with and throw some light in my approach?
Thanks.
Dr. Srikanth:
Appreciate your views in brief.
a) Is this homosexual behaviour develops since childhood or youth or can develop at any stage of life to anyone? (Say: If he got married and later sometime down the line 1-2 yr, it may develop-Is it possible and justified clinically?).
In his case he never showed such behaviour till 30 yrs. of age; his behaviour and thought process changed just last year when he came in contact of his friend.
b) My parents are 75 yr old and heart patient couldn’t engage them in this whole process as it may be like a shock to them at this stage. Shall I make an attempt to engage his friends parents as may be they too would be unaware of his act/sexual-behaviour/orientation (Both of them have lost their life/academic/career goals and all the time they were engaged with themselves) and also his friend have a view like he can leave him anytime and he would be comfortable with it BUT my brother is quite possessive about him.
Possibly their parent may come and take his friend back home get him engaged with his higher studies and all and may things improve in future similarly I can engage my brother with something and also can plan his marriage to get an encounter with female and might possible his sexual orientation and his thought process would change (He says I would accept your decision but it may affect other people life’s too).
c) My brother in one of his watsapp chat mentioned ‘Yes I am a sex addict and you have to be with it’; as mentioned his friend never rebut my brothers opinion and act 100% according to his demand which I see as a compulsive behaviour and a relationship which is on tip of mine which may explode at any time.
d) When things goes in accordance with my brother he is very happy and respond accordingly but if someone varies his opinion or act or tried to suggest/advice him; despite seeing things logically what is right and wrong he immediate reacts very negatively.
e) What should be my future course of action:
i. Shall I engage my brother’s friend family call them up to take care of his son?
ii. Shall I make my brother make a shift to different accommodation-location change and all family stay together to change his life style/
iii. Shall I make arrangement for getting him married to a compatible girl?
iv. OR shall I initiate with counselling sessions first with psychologist as suggested; which I know he wouldn’t be taking it positively: I suggested them to do so but they ignored.
v. Please guide me with and throw some light in my approach?
Thanks.
Brief Answer:
Difficult to change orientation
Detailed Answer:
Hello
Homosexual impulses develop very early in the age (mostly in first 15 years) but then age of knowing it can vary. Most people experiment early and get to know about their orientation. In some, people try to fit into the role of heterosexual but are not comfortable and then get confronted with their homosexual nature on experimenting and may get to know even in their 20s. I agree that 30s is very late. Probably he may be knowing about his orientation but might not have disclosed it until now.
Its difficult to change the orientation either by counselling or by changing the environments. getting him married could be very risky as it may make him more depressed and more so will destroy somebodies life.
Its better to work on the current relationship and make it healthy rather than changing the orientation. Parents of his friend should be involved only if your brother agrees, other wise it will be counter productive.
I would suggest that meet a psychologist and get both of them see him. Make it very clear that purpose of consulting is not to change the orientation but to make the relationship healthy. Even a husband and wife require such intervention in such cases and same is the rule for homosexuals.
Secondly he needs to be assessed for depression as well and if it is there then he may benefit by taking Tab Escitalopram 10mg every night to help him with his mood swings.
Regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy MD
Difficult to change orientation
Detailed Answer:
Hello
Homosexual impulses develop very early in the age (mostly in first 15 years) but then age of knowing it can vary. Most people experiment early and get to know about their orientation. In some, people try to fit into the role of heterosexual but are not comfortable and then get confronted with their homosexual nature on experimenting and may get to know even in their 20s. I agree that 30s is very late. Probably he may be knowing about his orientation but might not have disclosed it until now.
Its difficult to change the orientation either by counselling or by changing the environments. getting him married could be very risky as it may make him more depressed and more so will destroy somebodies life.
Its better to work on the current relationship and make it healthy rather than changing the orientation. Parents of his friend should be involved only if your brother agrees, other wise it will be counter productive.
I would suggest that meet a psychologist and get both of them see him. Make it very clear that purpose of consulting is not to change the orientation but to make the relationship healthy. Even a husband and wife require such intervention in such cases and same is the rule for homosexuals.
Secondly he needs to be assessed for depression as well and if it is there then he may benefit by taking Tab Escitalopram 10mg every night to help him with his mood swings.
Regards
Dr. Srikanth Reddy MD
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Priyanka G Raj
Answered by
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