Question: beginning as a child i was hyperactive. I had problems at school and seperated from the class. I was suspended for aggressive behaviour. as i got older 20's i had intrusive upsetting thoughts and fear of contamination. I was diagnosed with ocd. I also suffered depression. My life has been filled with poor life choices and problems.

I have an over active mind and do everything to excess but in a ridiculous way. for e.g i would work renovating houses and then go straight to work a a nurse. I would work 25 /30 night shifts in a row. I also nearly always dream of battles and heroic acts?

my marriage broke up. I was obsessed with sex and loyalty. My mind was racing and my behaviour and mood personality changed dramatically. My wife still cares deeply about me and described it as the total opposite of myself. Those who knew me stated I was using their term off my head. I have always talked a great deal and can go off at tangents. I sometimes do not want to talk or say things but somehow feel compelled. I slept with other women which even my wife stated was not the person she knew. i have stolen things and have grandiose thoughts and behaviour

having been divorced over a decade around five years ago i was looking after a terminally ill man in his home when not having thought about my split from my wife and with no warning i attended work and broke down crying with all the feelings of sorrow and regret re events of my marriage break up. I called my wife and discussed this. What was frightening was these events were not in retrospect but as though had just happened.

I have always had issues with work, relationships and my behaviour could be odd e.g i took my dog to meeting with my manager. I am extremely impulsive, reckless, and take huge risks. I owned 17 houses. I bought houses without looking at the, i gave a criminal 30,000 cash, I loans thousands and thousands of pounds. Sometimes i felt compelled. I was purchasing 1.3 million pounds property without rational decision making. i can be gentle, understanding or unrealistic angry. Oddly i sometimes want to be quiet and in the background yet i put myself centre of attention.

There are a lot of other aspects of my behaviour, actions however you get the idea doctor. recently i have had huge problems at work due to my actions behaviour. I was diagnosed 2 years ago with ankastic personality disorder by a nurse practitioner.
I tried to see a psychiatrist but could not get past the nurse.

i was a staff nurse over 17 years and i am aware a little knowledge is dangerous, however do believe i lack intellect and many others within mental health stated i have awareness and insight into myself. Having spoken to one of your colleagues he feels my history does not suggest bpd but bi polar. I would agree. I can be happy singing them my mood drops. I can only describe this as sudden. it can last days or weeks. Oddly i can be very depressed yet elated and singing, this can be at work.

I certainly am not misery or frugal with money, nor am i ordered in my life. I am reckless and extremely impulsive identified by many others. I am a perfectionist in elements of my life. I not believe i have ankastic personality or it is not my primary illness ie co morbidity as with my ocd.

I would appreciate your opinion. thank you. XXXXXXX

I understand and yes I put you on the spot really. It must be difficult to assess with 100% accuracy from my history. I appreciate your help and honesty. I don't believe i am the right person to make reach conclusions on my own mental health, yet i cannot help but conclude bpd especially ankastic fits with history or presentation. That being said I am not qualified to make that evaluation.







Again Thank You. Warm regards. XXXXXXX

Thank You,
My last question. My rational for doubt surrounding ankastic personality is mealy that is given I have ocd the perfectionism would be evident, moreover, the associated misery, frugal behaviour and being orderly could not be further from who I am. Moreover, I have insight and awareness which I did not think fitted with a personality disorder.

My impulsive behaviour and spending has been devastating in my life. To so degree having ocd has not always been a bad thing, withstanding extremes. I have found the benefits of antidepressants limited, however this is subjective I realise.

Given you best guess it would make sense. Can my reckless behaviour and impulsiveness be attributed to mood disorder as you outlined, as I find it so hard to understand my actions. Thank You, XXXXXXX Ps I had a breakdown 2 years ago and it was the most painful experience of my life. I wish people understood the affect mental illness has on all aspects of life.