Question: Hello,
I could use some advice on a belief I have that an entity or force has stolen my personality.
Background/history
I am male, born 1970 El Paso, TX.
Mother (Mrs. L) became pregnant with me and married father, Mr. D. Divorced when I was one year. Mr. D and I are estranged.

Ages 2-7
Mrs. L and I lived in a religious commune New York. She joined the Unification Church also known as the 'Moonies'. The Unification church is a fundamentalist, ultra conservative religion. Children are segregated from adults, men from women. Children are watched over by followers assigned the job of watching children. I did not see very much of her. I left the church because I am against them and everything they teach.
Mrs. L remarried when I was 12. Husband 2 brought mistress home to meet her, married and divorced in 6 months.
Mrs. L met Mr.R one year later. Mr. R threatened to kill our family is she had an abortion. Mrs. L married him, together 29 years until her death 2009. By all accounts it was a miserable marriage, drugs/alcohol/verbal abuse some physical to me and Mrs. L. Example Mr. R tried to kill her on another occasion, but she wrestled the gun away, putting a bullet in the ceiling.
Mrs. L and Mr. R had one child, my half brother Mr. A. He is a heroin user, jail one year, rehab facility two years, other criminal trouble.
Mrs. L diagnosed obsessive compulsive disorder.

Other family
Grandmother, Mrs. L mother, was aggressive and dominating and I witnessed her berating, insulting Mrs. L many times. As well as me. Addicted to tranquilizers, example - hospital stays were a nightmare because the doctor would not give her Valium. So she responded by abusing the doctors and nurses, it was extremely embarrassing. Died 2011. Grandfather was quiet, passive, detached. Committed suicide 1995. There was an affair on her part, he discovered it and chased her with a gun.
Uncle, Mrs. L's brother, lives in same town as I, see him every weekend. Heavy drinker (possible alcoholic). Lives with husband.

Dating/Marriage
1. 2 dates, last one 27 years ago
2. Never married

Children
None

Work
Have had 6 jobs since 1988 (fired from two).
I did not work for about 15 years (family support).

Education
The school expelled me in kindergarten (age 5, 1975) for being assaultive and otherwise disruptive. I completed but did not graduate high school (GED, general equivalency diploma). College (BA, MA) was very difficult. Example- 12 years for a bachelors.

Legal/criminal
No convictions, no jail sentences etc.
Drugs
I do not use illegal drugs
No medications

Imagine dropping a mirror from a 10 story building. The mirror is me, my life, my world. Then must make an order, to "make sense" of it. I am beginning to suspect there may be an issue here. Do you understand? I do not know how else to explain my feeling/thought. I believe that an entity or force stole my personality. My self. And I suspect someone close to me is an agent. Someone is not who they appear to be, its a disguise. That what they say is a trick, part of a plan to keep me from finding my personality, my self. That this is not who I am, they replaced it with a substitute. I always suspected something and those around me, but found it out after a very long time of nothing but fear, confusion. I am afraid to be near people. Because they have done this to me. This belief makes sense to me.

I tried going into therapists office but get very scared and run away. Online seems easier.
Could you explain this belief mentioned above and why it seems to dominate my life?

Thanks, XXXXXXX

Hello,

Please may i ask for some details to understand it better:
1. Do you feel that your mind, your acts are controlled by some external agencies?
It must be because there is person 1 and person 2, or state 1 and state 2. Person 1 is calm and clear of thought. Person 2 is very different. People say that I speak gibberish or nonsense and they seem scared of me. So this must be caused by an entity because it cannot be from me. They are trying to trick me take my thoughts and scatter them like leaves in wind or a broken mirror. To confuse me.

2. Are there any plotters against you? Anyone against you, following you, trying to harm you?
It is someone close to me, they are not who they claim to be. I suspect it could be anyone, even family, cannot know for sure. I watch to road behind me, to see if they are there, and only go out at random times so there is no pattern. I do not want to spend more than a moment or two with anyone, because if they are an agent it means they can get information about me, so I refuse to talk to them or tell them anything of consequence. The worst thing is to be forced to spend more than a moment or two with a person, because it is a way they can get information making it more difficult to find who stole my personality, my self. It is them or me, so do nothing to help them stop me right?

3. Do you hear voices talking to you or commenting on you?
No

4. You said some entity or force stole your personality. Does this entity steals your thoughts as well?
When it is person 2 my thoughts have left me. I know there is something powerful behind this, that is attacking me. Maybe even trying to kill me. How could this happen naturally? So it must be this entity or force that is aware of me, and trying to hurt me. It wants me confused, so that the truth is hidden. It has made a maze and thought is the way to know their plan, so it puts me into this state where I am confused. Do you see? It does not want me to get close to the truth, but I have discovered it regardless.

5. How has your mood been over the last few months? Depressed, fearful? Any suicidal or homicidal thoughts?
I am always fearful, since childhood. Anytime around people I get angry because they could be agents, they may be part of this against me. Who could it be? I want them to confess, to admit they are in this against me. They want me to suffer so I must deal with them to get the truth but hate them for what they did, to steal my personality and replace it. They think I do not suspect them and I act as natural as possible, but this time its they who are fooled.

6. Do you often get scared or fearful? You cannot trust the people around you?
I am always scared. But there is a reason for it, do you understand? Why would I not be scared because this entity and its agents have taken from me and hate me? Should I cooperate? Why? That means everything is lost.

7. What about current emotional support?
I do not see anyone but one person.

Hello,

Thank you for replying.

I understand what you are saying. However, would you please describe this condition in more detail and how it could relate to me? I am not familiar with psychological conditions.

Thank you, XXXXXXX