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What Should Parents Do If Their Child Appears To Be A Transgender?

Posted on Mon, 18 Jul 2016

Question: My son has recently told me that he is transgender. He is 14 and fully past puberty. At no time during his childhood or teens years did he exhibit any "signs" or symptoms that are associated with being transgender. He was diagnosed with major depression and social anxiety and is currently taking Prozac and going to counselling. I do not believe that he is transgender. His father voluntarily terminated his parental rights when my son was born and we divorced. My son has had no contact with his father. We have also recently moved back to the town in which he was born. We were in another state from age 3 to age 12. It wasn't until we moved back home that he said he was transgender. My question is, what, if anything can be done to help him accept who he is physically? I believe he is depressed and feels rejected and is looking for a place to fit in. He has both male and female friends and is only attracted to females. I cannot support a transition. What do I do? How do I help him? Nothing about him is feminine. He walks, talks, eats, moves like a male and plays "boy" type video games. Nothing and I mean nothing about him is feminine. He is almost 6 feet tall and has a good amount of body hair. He wold literally look like a girl in a dress. I am afraid for his safety is kids at school hear about this. Most medical professional want to support a transition, but I do not. What are my other options?

Answered by Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (1 hour later)

Brief Answer:
Consultation

Detailed Answer:
Hello, and thanks for your question.

Identifying as transgender is an internal emotional state and choice a person makes based on their understanding of their identity. A person does not have to look at all feminine to be transgender. In fact, many transgender people hide their feelings very well, sometimes resulting in anxiety and depression because they are not being accepted for who they really are. Anxiety and depression themselves cannot cause someone to want to be transgender -- it is a deeper and more primary issue. Why are you not accepting your son's decision about himself? Why can you not support a transition? I would recommend being more open-minded and helping your son through a difficult life transition, rather than being opposed to it. There is nothing you can do to change your son's opinion about his identity, so acceptance will likely make both of you more happy in the long run.

Please remember to rate and close this answer thread when you are finished and satisfied.

In the future, for continuity of care, I encourage you to contact me directly at my private link below. After you ask a direct question, it would be my pleasure to be your dedicated personal physician on this website. My name is Dr. Sheppe, and I am an XXXXXXX doctor working in New York City at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, ranked #1 for Psychiatry in the United States (tinyurl.com/psyrank). For a personalized comprehensive evaluation, treatment recommendations, and individual therapy, ask me at HealthCareMagic at this private link: tinyurl.com/DrSheppeAnswers

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Prasad

Follow up: Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (1 hour later)

I do not accept it because I do not believe he is transgender. I believe he is confused about sexuality in general and because he gets along well with females, he identifies himself with them. He is male. His DNA is male DNA. You said yourself it was an emotional state and a personal choice. He even said that it (the feeling of wanting to be a girl) went away for years and just recently returned.
Is there a difference between saying "I am a female in a male's body" rather than "I wish I was a girl"? My family would never accept him as transgender. They would say "God made you a male, you are a male" and frankly that is the way I feel too. I love him dearly and we are working through this the best we can but he understand that I will not help him transition. If he chooses to do so when he is an adult that is his choice. But, based on identifying as transgender as being an internal emotional choice, couldn't counseling help him to accept another choice? i.e. being male

Answered by Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (41 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
Followup

Detailed Answer:
I think you are misunderstanding me, or maybe I stated this incorrectly. When someone identifies as a gender different from the one they were born with, this is not a choice made on fleeting emotions -- this is a biological fact. People can be born with male DNA and still identify as female. The lack of acceptance of people's non-standard gender is the cause of a lot of depression and anxiety. Accepting someone for who they are, even if it seems unusual, is the best step to achieving long term happiness. Therapy cannot make someone accept a certain gender -- imagine if you were told to go through therapy to identify as male. It is up to the individual to decide based on what they feel they truly are.

Please remember to rate and close this answer thread when you are finished and satisfied.

In the future, for continuity of care, I encourage you to contact me directly at my private link below. After you ask a direct question, it would be my pleasure to be your dedicated personal physician on this website. My name is Dr. Sheppe, and I am an XXXXXXX doctor working in New York City at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, ranked #1 for Psychiatry in the United States (tinyurl.com/psyrank). For a personalized comprehensive evaluation, treatment recommendations, and individual therapy, ask me at HealthCareMagic at this private link: tinyurl.com/DrSheppeAnswers

Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Prasad