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Dr. Andrew Rynne
MD
Dr. Andrew Rynne

Family Physician

Exp 50 years

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Advise On Parenting Of My 17 Year Old Daughter

My wife and I are disagreeing over parenting our children. We have a 17 year old daughter and two 20 year olds (boy / girl - blended marriage). Our 17 year old daughter decided to leave the house with her friend without saying goodbye (against the rules). I went out and told her she was not allowed to leave until she told mom goodbye. She begrudgingly went back and told her mom bye. My wife told our daughter she was being disrespectful. Their discussion escalated down and our daughter left. My wife told her if she left she couldn t come home again. I m frustrated my wife makes over the top threats. My wife says I never back her up. I thought I shouldn t get in the middle of their discussion. I wasn t there for the last part when our daughter left. I would prefer we say if u leave, here s the consequence. My wife says the kids are too old for consequenses. I need some general guidance. R consequences ok as long as they age appropriate (e.g. take away cell phone or more chores). Should I get in the middle of an argument my wife is having with the kids?
Sat, 7 Jun 2014
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Pediatrician,  's  Response
Yes, consequences are ok and they are needed. its just that it should not be what we don't intend to carry out. in my opinion telling her that if she left now then she could not come back home was not a good consequence. again according to me it would be not a good idea for the other parent to interrupt one parent while he or she is talking to the child. better idea would be when both the parent have a prior discussion on what will be the consequences and how a defiant behaviour is to be handled. in this way you will not have to think of consequences on impulse, and would be handling the child together as a parent.
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Advise On Parenting Of My 17 Year Old Daughter

Yes, consequences are ok and they are needed. its just that it should not be what we don t intend to carry out. in my opinion telling her that if she left now then she could not come back home was not a good consequence. again according to me it would be not a good idea for the other parent to interrupt one parent while he or she is talking to the child. better idea would be when both the parent have a prior discussion on what will be the consequences and how a defiant behaviour is to be handled. in this way you will not have to think of consequences on impulse, and would be handling the child together as a parent.