Dear Welcome to HCM We understand your concerns I went through your details. I suggest you not to worry much. Attutide can be changed with experiences. They automatically change when you suffer from the previous experiences. Now you are suffering, worrying, therefore the attitude is supposed to change. You are worried and pitying self. You are dissatisfied with your life. That is why you are thinking about suicide. Dissatisfied minds always are like that. This lasts very short period. Then you shall realize such worries are of no use. Then attitude changes. Attitude changes according to main three factors. 1. Environment. 2 Education and 3. Experience. Other that these, If you sincerely wants to change your attitudes, it changes. Find a personality development trainer. If you require more of my help in this aspect, Please post a direct question to me in this website. Make sure that you include every minute details possible. I shall prescribe some psychotherapy techniques which should help you cure your condition further. Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications. Good luck.