Dear Welcome to HCM We understand your concerns I went through your details. I suggest you not to worry much. I think you are still living in your past. Just try to get away from the past and live the current life pleasantly. Homicidal thoughts about the present guy is simply due to obsession. We broadly call it obsession. You had that disturbing sensation once. You expected it to happen again and tried. Then you started experiencing it as you were expecting it. Then your body brought the familiar symptom because you are expecting it. Then you started worrying that the symptom is coming again and again and expect it. Body brings it again as you are expecting it. You become worried and so on. That is obsession in simple terms. Ignore it and the problem vanishes. You may also visit a psychologist for psychotherapy. If you require more of my help in this aspect, Please post a direct question to me in this website. Make sure that you include every minute details possible. I shall prescribe the needed psychotherapy techniques which should help you cure your condition further. Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications. Good luck.