Hello...you believe or not you are having depression...and it is causing you so many problem....you have tried various modality but it has not helped you..no you have to try on antidepressants ...what make you dislike them is important....if you are worried about addiction, than let it be clear to your psychiatrist and they will make it possible for you to have benefit with out dependence on it....but these drugs takes time to act and need to be taken for long period to have a persistent effect...secondly if you are worried about some side effects than you should be aware that there are wide variety of medicine and you can be prescribed according to your preference... See there are only few ways of treatment...therapy by psychologist, Herbal medicine, antidepressants and ECT , rTMS.....a type of brain stimulation procedure.... Out of these first two have not shown effect If you are not ready for anti depressants than you most probably will not be comfortable with ECT So you are left with very less choices Final call is your Take care