Hello thanks for asking from HCM You have tried to kill yourself many times and feel depressed. These multiple suicidal attempts along with depressed mood should not be ignored. There could be some serious depression or some personality issues (Borderline personality) involved behind such symptoms. For proper diagnosis and evaluation you should consider consulting a Psychiatrist. In depressive symptoms and suicidal attempts (or parasuicidal attempts) detailed mental status examination is needed to make diagnosis. Cognitive therapy targeting cognitive distortions and in cognitive restructuring is very helpful in such symptoms. In some cases there is need to take antidepressant medicines like SSRIs as Fluoxetine or Sertraline. These medicines will help to improve your mood and will help you in coming out of depression. Visit a psychiatrist for prescription. Thanks, hope this helps you.