Hi, I can understand what you might be going through. You seem to be suffering from Premature Ejaculation which is causing you and your wife distress. It is a condition when a person ejaculates earlier than desired which leads to dissatisfaction in sexual intercourse in either the person or his partner. It is recommended that you seek a psychiatric consultation for starting treatment. in form of both medications and behavior therapy. Medications would include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors like paroxetine (daily) or dapoxetine on as required basis. Behavior therapy sessions would consist of 1-2/week for 6-8 weeks. It would incorporate relaxation training, sex education and learning methods like squeeze technique, start-stop method and distraction. The outcome will be even more favorable if your wife participates in the behavior therapy sessions. In addition, you need to stop smoking too. You can discuss with your psychiatrist regarding treatment it too if you are not able to quit on your own. Treatment with medications like bupropion, or nicotine substitution might help. Hope this information was helpful. Best wishes.