I have a Bipolar-I mother, a Bipolar-I sister, and a Bipolar-II sister, as well as numerous extended relatives with mental illnesses. Lots of suicides are in my family tree and I have personally struggled with suicidal depression (BPD-NOS?) since the beginning of the teen years. My father, (RIP) unbeknownst to him, helped me see how helpful pot was. When I was high, (which was rare as a teen), he would grab my hands, spin me around and say, " This is how we like you, not when you are on drugs". At first this really hurt and I didn't take it well given my depressed state. I thought he was saying he liked the drug addict me better than the real me. Eventually i moved out of my parents' house at 18 years old and began using marijana daily. My mood mellowed out, and was able to reframe things, "My father liked the medicated me, not the ill me." I still lived in what I call the Blue Funk, but it was livable and I wasn't suicidal. I was able to graduate college, have a career and maintain a 30 + year, (so far) intimate relationship. When I went on a sabbatical to Engalnd, I did not use marijuana, and it was horrible. I was able to function, but thought of suicide all the time. Not good for someone who takes the train. Anyways, i am now 51 years old. Last August, a stressor seems to have triggered a Major Depression. I have left the blue funk and entered the purple pit of despair. I am in psychotherapy, where I have been diagnosed with melancholic depression. I'm really struggling, so I am thinking about going on a mood stabilizer. Is there any thing recommended to augment marijuana as a moodstabilizer?

Respectfully,

Ali V.