Hi, I went through your query and can understand your distress. From what you have mentioned, you seemingly are suffering from depression which explains your negative thoughts and even suicidality. Since you have already attempted to harm yourself, I would suggest that you should seek a psychiatric consultation without any further delay. You should also talk with you family members regarding your symptoms. In case of depression, treatment with anti-depressants like venlafaxine or escitalopram would be highly effective. In your case, the treatment should be started as soon as possible. I hope that you found the answer helpful. Best wishes.