Dear Welcome to HCM We understand your concerns I went through your details. Nobody is born with weak mind. The weak mind is always made due to the circumstances and the wrong attitude. I suppose, from the childhood, your attitude was wrong. Even now you can have the right attitude. But, that is called behavioral modification and it will take some time to modify the whole behavior. Negative thoughts and suicidal thoughts are persisting because you could be idle. You should know idle mind is devil s workshop . You learn to be entertainingly busy. Engage in pleasurable activities like hobbies, participate in games which keep you fit physically and mentally like shuttle badminton, Meditation to relax and calm you, breathing exercise to keep your metabolism clean and over and above watch many comedy movies, laugh aloud, play with children etc. If you combine all these with your right attitude, surely, within 6 months your behavior will change. If you require more of my help in this aspect, please use this URL. http://goo.gl/aYW2pR. Make sure that you include every minute details possible. Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications. Good luck.