i have been very depressed for several years. i have been getting treated at the VA regularly, but i feel like number and am extremely lonely. i have lost all friends due to moving and no longer in military. and feel like an outsider everywhere, even at church. i am well educated 9masters9,, likeable, and had been very achieving, successful in military. wife is very aware of my depression, but impatient, i feel her love going away. i am alive for my two young kids, 9 and 13. i give me 50% chance to live until spring, less than 30 to 2015. Wanting to die, knee and abdominal scars, no job, looking, find job hunting demeaning and scary, emasculated now since wife is primary breadwinner. scared lonely 54 years and feel like it is over. r mental pain unbearable, can not sleep, meds do not help, beyond desperate. very lonely lonely, god help me.