ear Welcome to HCM We understand your concerns I went through your details. I suggest you not to worry much. From the description you gave, you should be having a weird sexual fantasy broadly called Paraphilla. Normally psychiatric treatment is essential if the condition is beyond control. If it is under control, then concentrate on your job and career and ignore the behavior. If you require more of my help in this aspect, Please post a direct question to me in this website. Make sure that you include every minute details possible. I shall prescribe the needed psychotherapy techniques which should help you cure your condition further. Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications. Good luck.