I am a 59 yo female who has always had suicidal thoughts... starting in early childhood due to a few nasty traumas. It stopped in my 30's. Now however, I have been going through a very rough 10 years. Lots of stress. No trauma but just stresses of daily survival. Job loss, poverty, and loneliness are a big part of it.
The new symptom du jour is the sudden onset of violent images of myself being "attacked" by myself. Like cutting my own throat, smashing my head into a brick wall, and lots of stabbing images. I know my attacker in these flash images is me. Why am I seeing these things? Grief seems to be a trigger. It really increased after my little dog (my only love source) died last year. Self hatred is a real theme here. But it all
seems very unconscious. Deeply buried. At least of course, until now. I have no desire to do myself an injury. I just want these images to stop. Any suggestions? BTW, I have no health ins. and can barely afford to feed myself.

I would be grateful for any input.
Thank you,
Kathleen