Hi, i am 25 years old with two children. In December, almost a year ago, my youngest daughter, Kylee, was accidentally ran over & killed in my driveway when a family friend was leaving the house. I didn t even know she had run in front of the car, it all happened so fast and as you may know, two year old children are very, very quick. I have a four year old daughter also that has definitely been my strength. Immediately after the accident I was admitted into the state hospital to be put on a 48 hour watch. I wanted to die. Because of my hospitalization, Child Protective Services removed my then 3 year old daughter from my care as I was incapable of correctly taking care of her at that time. That made the whole situation worse. The only thing that truly kept me alive and going is the fact that I have another daughter who needs me and it wouldn t be fair to lose her mommy like she did her sister. She is now back home with me which is wonderful but it makes me very sad to realize that Kylee IS gone.. and she is not coming back. The one year mark is quickly approaching and I am very, very worried about ruining Mackenzie s Christmas. Given the fact that Kyky passed away one week before Christmas.. It is going to be very hard for me to deal with. I have also been diagnosed with severe & chronic PTSD with anxiety . I think back on the accident SEVERAL times a day and see images I d much rather forget & no matter how I hard I try they will not escape my brain... it gets to the point where I have to go to my bedroom and scream in a pillow and frantically cry. I also struggle with not knowing whether or not she was hurting... ( she was alive for one hour after the accident ). I freaked out and nobody would let me near her (nor did I want to see her like that) ) so I stayed away, hoping that she would somehow pull through. I very much regret that now. I wish I d held her and talked to her and told her I was there. How do I live with regret and these images and the guilt of It s my fault! if only I had done this.. or that? I am her parent.. I am supposed to protect her from any and all harm! ... They had me on Ativan for a couple of months and then took me off because they were afraid that it was preventing me from grieving. It has now been almost a year and I will grieve for the rest of my life but I would really rather find some help to ease the pain. Do you think it is time for some medication and if so, what would you recommend? Can you also inform me of any coping strategies . Any help is greatly appreciated. God Bless. 3