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How Can Partner's Suspicious Behaviour Regarding Financial Affairs Be Dealt With?
Question: Hi sir,
Am a home maker have one 3 years kid, married for 4 years. I am very strait forward and i wont have any secrets to hide from my hubby. But for the past 4 months my husband is accusing me I am hiding that i got some money from someone for my brother's treatment and i am hiding from him. actually he never share his things like salary, problems etc. He use to talk with some ladies. Whenever I ask about the salary or the phone call he starts to accuse me back to shut my mouth. I am so confused I never get money or anything without his knowledge and I will share each and everything with him. They why he is doubting me i dont know. I have given the proof of my account.. He acted like he believed me at that time but again when quarrel starts if i ask about anything he will tell "I know what secrets you have, tell u yourself" like that.. I am soooo.. worried and stressed of this. I cant study for my career, fully thinking about what I did wrong. Remaining time he is being normal and wont ask anything, speak lovingly.. Please tell me any solution for this... He is not ready to come for counselling. Many time I asked what ever is there speak openly. He is not ready to talk that matter unless until i accuse him.. so confused
Am a home maker have one 3 years kid, married for 4 years. I am very strait forward and i wont have any secrets to hide from my hubby. But for the past 4 months my husband is accusing me I am hiding that i got some money from someone for my brother's treatment and i am hiding from him. actually he never share his things like salary, problems etc. He use to talk with some ladies. Whenever I ask about the salary or the phone call he starts to accuse me back to shut my mouth. I am so confused I never get money or anything without his knowledge and I will share each and everything with him. They why he is doubting me i dont know. I have given the proof of my account.. He acted like he believed me at that time but again when quarrel starts if i ask about anything he will tell "I know what secrets you have, tell u yourself" like that.. I am soooo.. worried and stressed of this. I cant study for my career, fully thinking about what I did wrong. Remaining time he is being normal and wont ask anything, speak lovingly.. Please tell me any solution for this... He is not ready to come for counselling. Many time I asked what ever is there speak openly. He is not ready to talk that matter unless until i accuse him.. so confused
Brief Answer:
Sometimes talking can make things worse
Detailed Answer:
Hi
Thanks for posting your query on HealthcareMagic.
I have read your query and can see that you are stressed because of your husband's behavior. Its quite possible that he is hiding something and is projecting his thoughts on you.
To tell you truth I don't find much abnormal behavior in your husband. Repeated doubts and suspicions can be part of paranoid personality disorder, but even personality disorders are mostly life-long and cannot be cured with medicine or any other therapy.
Occasional suspicion and doubt is normal part of any relationship. Any relationship, does involve "love" all the time. It can have all other flavours like suspicion, anger, jealousy. etc.
Men usually like to keep their secrets. If your husband is keeping his things to himself, it means that he is scared of losing his money. If he is keeping his phone calls secret, then he fears losing you. Anyways they tend to live in their shell. Women are different and share everything. In this regard women too should be careful and do their best to keep a healthy relationship. Sharing "dark"secrets may harm any relationship.
I would suggest that you move on, forgive and forget his "irrational" behavior.
Dont go into too much talking on this aspect as it may make it worse due to re-inforcement.
I think you have a healthy relationship with your husband.
Hope it helps. Let me know if I assist you further.
Dr Vaishalee
Sometimes talking can make things worse
Detailed Answer:
Hi
Thanks for posting your query on HealthcareMagic.
I have read your query and can see that you are stressed because of your husband's behavior. Its quite possible that he is hiding something and is projecting his thoughts on you.
To tell you truth I don't find much abnormal behavior in your husband. Repeated doubts and suspicions can be part of paranoid personality disorder, but even personality disorders are mostly life-long and cannot be cured with medicine or any other therapy.
Occasional suspicion and doubt is normal part of any relationship. Any relationship, does involve "love" all the time. It can have all other flavours like suspicion, anger, jealousy. etc.
Men usually like to keep their secrets. If your husband is keeping his things to himself, it means that he is scared of losing his money. If he is keeping his phone calls secret, then he fears losing you. Anyways they tend to live in their shell. Women are different and share everything. In this regard women too should be careful and do their best to keep a healthy relationship. Sharing "dark"secrets may harm any relationship.
I would suggest that you move on, forgive and forget his "irrational" behavior.
Dont go into too much talking on this aspect as it may make it worse due to re-inforcement.
I think you have a healthy relationship with your husband.
Hope it helps. Let me know if I assist you further.
Dr Vaishalee
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Veerisetty Shyamkumar
Answered by
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