How To Inculcate Healthier Lifestyle?

Posted on Thu, 24 Jul 2014

Question: hi - my 23 year old son smokes pot - he keeps his room like a pigs stye, and he smells (doesn't keep his clothes clean ) - i've talked to him before about that this is not a good thing, however, he doesn't care. he doesn't care about eating properly or exercising, and just works and plays video games. how can i get him interested in a more healthier lifestyle?

Answered by Dr. Tushar Tamboli (5 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Counseling

Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Welcome to healthcare magic.
I have read the query and understand your concern towards your son, but you should remember that its not possible for him to get addicted overnight and is a gradual process.

I suggest you to talk to him as a friend and understand his problems, usually problems in family or peer pressure from friends leads to such forms of addiction.Behave normally to him without being aggressive, let him realize how much you care for him and your suggestions are only for his betterment.
Strong will power is very essential for de-addiction, and for that he needs your support,try to spend as much time with him as possible.Remember,relapses are very common in addictions and continuous motivation and appreciation by you is required to avoid it.
Engage him in some hobbies like outdoor games,music to keep him busy.Stay calm, don't force him for anything and expect rapid results..Don't worry he will realize your concern for him.All other bad habits will be improved once he is realizes the health hazards of addiction and poor hygiene.
If still its not working out, I suggest you to accompany him to nearby rehab center for expert counseling as well as medications to reduce the abuse of drugs.

Hope this answers your query.

Regards,
Dr.Tushar Tamboli

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Raju A.T

Follow up: Dr. Tushar Tamboli (15 hours later)

Thank you Dr. Tamboli. This makes sense. I get frustrated and he probably sees that and then I don't get a very good response.

In my previous discussions with XXXXXXX (my son), his thoughts are that pot (easier to spell than marijuana!) is harmless. I'm worried about him being addicted as my daughter informs me that he goes outside at 3 or 4 in the a.m. to smoke. And he's probably being smoking for the last 4 years. (at least). He does have issues with his Dad/my husband (George). XXXXXXX always berates him. He lives with us. With a number of issues I have with my husband I frankly want him to leave. But we go back and forth on this decision. XXXXXXX got a job opportunity for a few months and was away from home. XXXXXXX really has issues with him. I'm sure XXXXXXX is disappointed with me as I 'keep XXXXXXX around'.
I've tried to encourage him to do other activities but he just 'poo poo's' them.
Any other thoughts? However, I think you've got it right, but any additional thoughts would be welcome. For example, he has never had a girlfriend. I'd like to say to him 'wouldn't you like to meet a girl?', however, I doubt if this would be received well.

Answered by Dr. Tushar Tamboli (10 hours later)

Brief Answer:
Meet a addiction counselor.

Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Thanks for the reply.

Considering the situation in your family as described by you, its most likely that the addiction for smoking pots is very much due to the loneliness XXXXXXX is suffering from constant criticism by his dad when he expects love and belief from him. This might be disturbing him. Somewhere he must also be blaming you for supporting him and so has lost confidence in you which is the reason why he doesn't pay attention to your suggestions.

Its not necessary for him to have a girlfriend to cope up with this situation if you are able to form a bonding with him again. The care you have for towards your son is without condition and you can't guarantee any girl to have such care towards him. Its better you have a XXXXXXX talk to him about his problems with his dad and if required involve XXXXXXX in the discussion to sort out their differences.

Is his sister close to him? It seems from the discussion that he trusts her, and she is the one who can even bring faith back in your relation. He needs love from his family with strong will power to get away from the addiction.

Finally,let your daughter initiate the talk and understand his problems after which you can approach with the explanation and if required an apology. Please don't shout at him, he will be separated from you further if you do that. Meet an addiction counselor with your entire family to sort out the differences if you are not being able to sort it on your own.

Hope this answers the query.Feel free to ask any further doubts.
I wish you a happy family life.

Regards,
Dr.Tushar Tamboli.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Prasad

Follow up: Dr. Tushar Tamboli (13 hours later)

Thanks again Dr. Tamboli. What you say makes a lot of sense to me. I think this is obvious, however, even if XXXXXXX says he is 'happy', it is probably just a way for him to cope - correct?

And, right, I didn't think that he would need a girlfriend to cope, I was just thinking that it would be nice for him to have a girlfriend. I will make an effort to be more supportive and let him know I care. I don't know if I can get XXXXXXX to show XXXXXXX in the appropriate way he cares. XXXXXXX cares, but he goes about it the wrong way. I think that is a lost cause. But what I'll do is show XXXXXXX that I care and see how we can manage. I really am at the point to tell XXXXXXX to 'take a hike', but what happens is XXXXXXX becomes 'nice' again, but, sure enough, when we hit 'rough patches, he gets ridiculously angry and does not cope well.

I wish his sister (Erin- age 18) was close. I'll see if I can work with her too. She thinks XXXXXXX has issues and just avoids him. XXXXXXX finds her to be a 'spoiled brat' (and yes - she is - I'm working on that too!), and gets very annoyed with her. p.s. - they are both 'red heads' - I think there is something about that! (just kidding of course!)

Finally, how will I get him to an 'addiction' counselor?

Thanks for your assistance with this,
Regards, XXXXXXX

Answered by Dr. Tushar Tamboli (44 minutes later)

Brief Answer:
Persuasion or counseling(therapy) at home

Detailed Answer:
Hi,
I understand the difficulty you will have in taking him to the counselor, but you can take help of someone(most probably a close friend of his) whom he trusts for persuading him.If there is no one that close to him, you should then take the difficult task of persuading him on yourself, for that you should understand his problems and try to favor him even if he is wrong in some of his views.This will make him trust you and realize his mistake.

Be very patient towards him,he needs cognitive and behavioral therapy to understand the risks of smoking pot,you can also try keeping some articles in his room regarding hazards of smoking pots and how therapy helps in de-addiction.Whatever the way may be,its important he realizes his mistake as strong will power is very essential for getting out of this addiction.

Finally if you don't succeed,there are counselors who provide in house addiction recovery treatment and you just need to search a nearest organization to your home on the internet.
Very importantly,take adequate care that XXXXXXX doesn't fall into any addiction due to his influence as she still is young and needs proper guidance from you.

Hope XXXXXXX trusts you soon and wish him a healthy life ahead.

Regards,
Dr.Tushar Tamboli

Note: In case of any other concern or query related to prevention, evaluation, diagnosis, treatment, or the recovery of persons with the any type of addiction or substance use, follow up with our Addiction Medicine Specialist. Click here to book a consultation now.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Vinay Bhardwaj