Question: Hello. I have a complicated relationship and trying to see what is potentially going on. I am a 45 yr old college professor and I am committed to usually quiet 57yr old men (former commercial fisherman and a boat engineer) who has 2 failed marriages, commitment issues (we are engaged for 10 years now), and a pathological love for his 26 yr old son (now with an illegitimate child) that still lives with him. His childhood friends come first, and it seems like he prefers long distance relationship that we have. We are on the phone 4-5 times a day ( we live 2 hr apart), but with a very superficial subject (weather, work, plans). He usually exhibits controlling issues and shuts down and ignores me for weeks if I do something socially impulsive/announced, or if he is jealous. Every attempt to speak to him about potentially sensitive subjects (his son, our relationship, emotions, ex wife) usually are misunderstood, misinterpreted ("you are so negative to my son") and ends up with Tourette-like facial tics (repetitive closing eyes, opening/stretching mouth, starts deep breathing and abruptly leaves the room to lay down). I noticed that it is more prevalent in the evening/night. We can have more serious/non-eventful discussions in the morning hours. However, if I talk to him about something serious, his attention after 5 min turns into counting tiles, lines, trees (squinting on one eye by doing it), etc.. He does have
restless leg syndrome, and I also noticed that is he is upset, he has restless nights and his body twitches.
Nightmares and intense dreams are always present and he often says -I wish I do not dream so intensively-they make no sense. Our relationship is going up and down-good days/weeks, and than bad times..and after some time he sweeps problems under the carpet, and we go on..I asked him repetitively for the honest answer if he wants to merry me or not, but never get the definite answer. B vitamines help when he takes them. I am not sure if this is stress-induced Tourettes, or am I dealing with a more unstable psychotic issue in my guy. Sometimes he has obvious mood swings, but he is constantly in chronic back/
shoulder pain and deals with
constipation. Can you please help me understand this issue? I feel like I need to run away from him to keep my sanity. Thanks, S.