Question: I am in a supported living house because ten years ago I became ill.
if I just go back a bit I was happily running my school and went to all the well woman clinics and tried to look after myself as the boys father died and I was the main one bringing them up. also my dad died when I was 13 so that trauma was with me. his problem was not genetic and every one else in the family had died in their 80's and 90's . I felt fairly secure and went to the doctor for everything. however when I felt faint a few times at my desk before I rung the doctor my deputy said she knew what to do and she walked me around in the fresh air. it never happened again and I carried on with running my school. I met a man after being on my own and he got on well with my lads and all seemed fine. however after 8 years I became ill and was put in a mental hospital where they have me two lots of ect's. I was moved on to another mental hospital with no partivular treatment and then 5 years ago came to live here in a supported living house. the hospital told the physarist here that I had semantic delusional disorder. when I became ill I started sayin g stupid things like my back was broken and I had been set up for a murder. and that I was dying. the only one that has persisted for ten years is that I am dying. I am on fenalixine and Valium, as well as medication for high blood pressure and thyroid. I get scared of going out in case I die. I became ill when I was 52 which was the age my dad died. I am now 63. I am really scared of dying cos my dad died in front of me. my physiarist now says that I haven't got delusional disorder because I didn't respond to phycotic medication. he said I had high anxiety disorder, then he said I hadn't got that but unspecified neurotic disorder. which when I looked it up could mean anything. the only other symyon I have is feling sweaty most of the tie which I never was when I was well and running my school. I lost my job that I loved because I was ill. have you any XXXXXXX what could be wrong with me or am I right that I am really going to die as my belief is so strong. I saw a private doctor and all my blood testa were fine except the liver which was a little high. I went to see a cardiologist in London and he did two tests and said my heart was fine except a slight thickening of the muscle which often happens with people with hign blood pressure but no cause for alarm. I don't know what else to test. the physiarist now says he doesn't know what is wrong with mee.

when the first symptom started it was that I had broken my back and I truly believed that I had even though I was walking around okay and had x rays and scans to prove to me that I had not. . then I thought I had XXXXXXX set up for murder. and I relly believed and I never considered why. but that one I did soon forget.i had an ect and forgot the broken back and the murder but afterwards came out with I am dying and have continusly thought that for ten years. I have had no specific illness that I can relate this intense fear to. I didn't even go to my lovely son's wedding because I was afraid of dying on the aeroplane as his wedding was in japan. although I had been to japan before. the only sympon I am having is the feeling sweaty but the phyisarist cut done one of the fenaflaxine and that helped with it. no other symptons. there has been no specific illness . the only thing was not going to the doctor when I felt faint a few times but it never happened again and I was fine for eight years afterwards. the nly thing I had during the eight years was a dose of flu and high blood pressure. I have tried a lot of different medication. firstky anti physotic when the hospital thought I had an delusional disorder. then while here anti anxiety tablets. I hate being here and mourn the loss of the job I really lovd running a school. I didn't find it stressful just enjoyed it. my blood tests have all been fine except the liver one. my heart is fine. I have had two tests on it and everything was working well, thee was just a slight thickening of the muscle but only mildly and that apparently is common in people with high blod pressure. the fear that I am dying has been constant and I have lots of things because of it, my partner, my boys, my friends, I lve life very much and always enjoyed myself so don't understand why this has happened to me. I have reied counselling, three different counsellors, one specialising in cbt. I have also tried a physctherapist but none of they have helped. it seems a long time, ten years to be afraid you are dying and thus a fear of going out in public in case you die in public like your dad. I don't feel that the tablets I am on are making any difference, what would you now suggest? I hope this answers all your questions which are quite hard to read as the print is very small. XXXXXXX


I have had an email that I have had an answer but haven't