Question: I have been diagonosed as bi-polar when I was 22 years old. I am on a second marriage and I have been married for 40 years. I have done many tthings to upset my wife and recently I have told her I had an affair 28 years ago. it seems like I have hurt anyone who loved and cared for me. I am currently seeing a clinical psychologist. When I look back on my life(I am 69 y;eas old), I can't believe the decisions that I have made and the damage I have done. I have a beautiful wife who has stood by me, but whom I have hurt over and over again. This last situation(the affair) has hurt her deeply and she wants me to leave her for a a six month separation. What a mess I have made of my life..I have been obsessed with women and ;have humiliated my wife in front of them. I have been involved in pornography for 17 years and that led me to sex chat lines which I did for 2 and one half years. As I mentioned, I have done one thing after another. I have been a bad example to my children which I neglected because I was too involved with women for most of my adult life. I see it now but I wonder why I couldn't see it during all these years. I have also been told that I am narssicistic personality. In other words, I am a mess. What do you suggest?

My wife wants to see a therapist and she feels that we should live apart for at least six months. As I mentioned, she is deeply hurt and feels that if I truly loved her, I would have never acted this way over the years. For one year, I hardly worked; while my wife was holding down two jobs and basically maintaining the household. This was the year I had the affair. We have four children. They are all adults now. Three are faring quite well, but my one son who is 37 is lost and following my life style. I feel responsible for the damage I have done to my wife and children. The problem is that this is all in the past and nothtring can be changed. These act.ivities have ceased as of November 2011, when my wife ocaught me on the sex line. This affair was brought out on December 22, of this past year. She was just beginning to heal from the sex line activities. Now she is trying to sort this out but I have hurt her beyond words. Do you feel the separation is the wise thing to do. Every time she looks at me or sees a show with any type of cheating, it brings everything to the forefront. In the meantime, she is not sleeping well at all and her digestive system is in turmoil. Of course, she does not believe I can and will change. I have broken her trust in me years ago over and over again. I would love very much to just see her happy again, hopefully with me. How do you feel about joint counseling or do you feel we should have separate doctors?

HeWello: Thanks for your response. My wife does not have a therapist but is currently in search of one. I have a psychologist and have been in therapy for over a year. My wife has stood by me when I know 99 per cent of women would have left. I am hoping and praying that this can somehow work.