Suggest Treatment For Depression And Anger Issues

Question: I am already scheduled to have my first session with a new psychiatrist in less than two weeks. I feel this is a dumb question. Is there anything I can take or do to get immediate relief from the depression and anger I am currently feeling? Thank you

Dr. XXXXXXX first let me thank you for getting back to me.

Next, I feel this will not be as comprehensive as I'd like as I just finished typing a very long answer and somehow lost it, frustrating me further.

Anyway, I am having these problems because I am very disappointed and dissatisfied with my life as a whole. Professionally I feel angst and confusion due to my job. Personally, I am dissatisfied with my life as well in my relationships with pretty much everyone, family and friends.

The immediate reason for my anger and frustration starts with my wife and my relationship with her.

Some background, I'm 33 she is 32. We began dating when I was 19, she was 18. The first and now only serious relationship either of us had. We dated for about 6 months before she broke up with me right before the summer season. Sometime early in the fall of the same year we got back together and have been together living together basically ever since. She is also the first and only woman I ever slept with. Our first child is due the beginning of next month.

She first became pregnant in January of this year. Not long after finding out she confessed to me the actual truth about an issue that was ongoing and I was partially aware of basically since we got together in varying forms. I'll explain what I mean as we go. She told me she had slept with one of my friends and that's why she broke up with me all those years ago.

This was something I had in someway known about since almost the time we got back together. Originally, she had an anxiety attack and told me it was because this friend essentially forced himself on her when she was passed out drunk and woke up and didn't know what to do. That obviously bothered me but I didn't fault her at all. Although, throughout the first go around there was an ongoing issue of me not trusting her because I felt she was attracted to him and I was suspicious.

A few years later, to summarize, I had to have genital warts removed and after learning about them and the timing accosted her into explaining why it happened and she blurted out that she had slept with the guy in question. She also then confessed for the sake of being as open as possible that there was a relationship with another friend of hers when we broke up that became intimate but that he wasn't able to perform and that was the extent of it. Obviously this was a problem for me and caused a great deal of issue but ended up more or less resolved. We not long after got married and have been ok since. But, at this point I did develop what I will admit is a terribly narcissistic and selfish mindset that I would "get back at her". My solution was to hire a prostitute. I wanted revenge and felt entitled as I saw it as she was unfaithful to me and I had never been with anyone else. Also, I didn't want to be caught in a relationship with another woman. This did not work out and the encounter was not consummated as I was so nervous and anxious that I ejaculated prematurely. I repeated this attempt several times ultimately ending in the same result; me becoming overwhelmingly nervous and anxious and ejaculating prematurely and walking out in complete shame.

Fast forward to January, when she is pregnant. She tells me that can no longer deal with the anxiety and confesses to me that the encounter between she and my friend was not at all what she said. Essentially they got together one night, had sex, slept together that night, and in the morning woke up and had sex again, that she initiated it, and that was only because when they woke up it was so awkward that it was the only thing she could think of to do. She told me that she then broke up with me because she didn't want to hurt me any further.

Unfortunately for her I am not an idiot and don't like being told bad lies. I then had to drag out of her, which she still cannot say, but that the actuality was that she had strong feelings for him, hence allowing the sex in the first place and then initiating it a second time the next day. Then after breaking up with me, took him to her high school prom and spent the majority of time with him not me.

Also, the same night of this confession, she tells me that the other guy was not as she said either. That she and he had sex twice on separate occasions. Although she and I were broken up at the time.

From this point to the next morning after sorting things out in my head decided that for the sake of the baby and the great deal of time that had passed that I would work through it. Then later the same week, she miscarried the baby. Later the next week, the calm had left me and the rage returned. That went on for a week and curiously went away over a few days and we were ok again.

I must also say that I do feel that likely the reason she strayed originally was that I did early on struggle with rapid ejaculation and was not the most conscientious or thoughtful lover when we were kids. But, as time wore on I did get better sometimes but always struggled with it. I just want to make clear that I do not blindly think she just did this and that it was due to some inadequacy in our relationship, whether she will admit to it or not, which she did not. Has always told me our sex life was fine but I am very self-aware of myself in all aspects and recognize it was a problem.

Subsequent to her confession and the miscarriage she became pregnant again and we as noted above we are expecting very soon.

Nevertheless, after she confessed again in January I again resumed trying to see a prostitute and ended with the same result. Tremendous Anxiety > Premature ejaculation > Shame.

Even worse, now this has become the norm with my wife as well. Most times when we are intimate I am overcome with anxiety and ejaculate rapidly sometimes before penetration, sometimes very quickly afterward. Before any of this past year's revelations I always had tremendous angst about the size, or lack thereof, my penis and my sexual inadequacies with premature ejaculation.

At this point I have little to no desire for sex with my wife or anyone else because of how uncomfortable I feel with myself and about sex. I feel shame in my choice to try to see prostitutes, my inability to complete the act, and my inability to forge relationships with other women as well. I have always felt overwhelmingly awkward socially and not comfortable with people in general and this past year has magnified my awareness of that. Again, I must stress that as angry and resentful I am toward my wife I also am aware it was probably not entirely her fault and my shortcomings were a big part of it. I'm also aware of the wrongness of how I've handled the situation and the result it has brought on. I want nothing more to not feel this way and move on from it as in the end their is a child coming that we are responsible for and I want to be a good father.

Any advice for what I have given to this point would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you again for your time.